Something inside of me is urging me to be raw, honest and not try to sugar coat anything. There is a part of me that doing this rubs against the grain because of the time of year it is. But, so many of you have thanked me for keeping you updated that I have to believe that there is a higher reason for this information to be put out into the world, than I understand. So, here it goes:
Update #10~ Mark took a turn for the worse today. He is still bleeding internally according to his counts. He may be getting another transfusion during the night. Transfusion #11. His fever is up to 103 and he has developed a large red patch that is moving up slowly from his most injured area. (possible infection of some kind) It is being 'monitored' which I am learning is the term they use for, "We don't know what is happening, lets wait and see what happens next) I now hate that word and want it removed from Websters. Oh, and by the way mom and dad, Mark has a broken ankle that will also need surgery. I was bedridden all day. Got up at 7 p.m. to throw on some clothes, run my hands through my greasy hair and ride to the hospital. We were informed that the ventilator had been removed. Good news?.....don't get to excited yet.
I cripple walked my way into his room, leaned over and kissed his cheek and said, "Hi baby, momma is here." His eyes opened and all hell broke loose. He was tied down by his wrists and he began to fight. The nurse is telling me about his declined blood situation and Mark begins pleading to me in a hoarse voice:
Untie me mom/get these f-in tubes out of my nose/why are my f-in arms tied down/what have I f-in done/untie my f-in arms/I'm in pain and I need my arms to move/help me mom/help me
I'm freaking out, rubbing his shoulder, his forehead, kissing his cheek and trying to explain that the doctors need him to be calm and he is tied down because he has tried to pull at anyone of the 6 tubes that are coming out of his body!
I calmly say, "I love you Mark" ("F YOU mom! Un f-in tie me!)
Now I'm crying, "I love you Mark, please try to calm down honey" ("F You MOM!)
Still crying, "Mark honey, mommy needs to go now, I love you, I'm sorry baby!"
"NO Mom...don't go!...don't leave me...NO!.......moooooom........!
The door opens, I exit and collapse into the arms of my sisters. I can't breathe and I'm trying to talk and explain what just transpired. I cover my face and see the nightmare seared behind my eyelids. I will NEVER forget this...EVER!
Mark does not cuss in front of me. He has always treated me with the utmost respect, loving caring, gentle when I'm sick....my special boy.
No, I did not take it personal. He is confused, angry and on heavy medication, but it knocked the wind out of me, just the same. Those seconds felt real, as real as the keys under my fingers.
As real as the PUBLISH button I'm about to press.............................
Update #11~ Some of you have asked about Brian~ He is at a different hospital than Mark. We call everyday to find out about his progress. He is also in ICCU. He broke both of his legs and has some bleeding on his brain. No brain damage, more like a severe bruise. One of his legs was a clean break and the other has more shattering breaks. We have been told that he will have multiple surgeries for that leg. No internal injuries. We pray for him everyday. He will most likely be going to jail after he recovers. The police findings show no sign of breaking at the dead end of the street. Marks testimony is that he told him 3 times to slow down and that on the 3rd time Brian accelerated and said, "let me show you what my car can do." That is a felony, plus his blood test showed levels of alcohol and something else. Marks blood was clean. Mom won't talk, but his sister is concerned about Mark.
As for me...I am sleeping and resting today. The lupus is flaring, but I will go to see him around dinner time. He is scheduled for more Scans today and will need to sleep today too. They are lightly sedating him so he can rest. As of this morning, his temperature is still at 103 and his blood level has not dropped any more. I am hoping for some information about the inflamed area around his side.
God bless each angel (YOU) who are saying prayers and affirmation's on our be half. I read them over and over again. They are my peace and a lifeline of strength for me. Thank You Thank You Thank You.