Friday, June 29, 2007

if I were a bead...

...would I be this difficult?

That is the question you have to ask yourself when brainstorming for creative jewelry photo's. They really aren't very cooperative subjects,
they roll around
shine too much
choose picky backgrounds
have many profiles
don't follow directions
and need help doing everything.
I have never moved so much, up and down, up and down, bending, reaching, now hold it...(flash) geez, is my flash on again!? And what do you do when you need something to move just that (.) much? You have to use what feel like extremely fat fingers, that ever so gently, try to reach out and oooops...the camera gets bumped, you find yourself pleading outloud with inanimate objects and your neighbor is tempted to peek through the fence, only to see you on your knees and begging the wind not to blow! Okay, so I need to have an effective talk with my neurotic, type A, first born personality...

making jewelry?...bliss
wearing it?...better
taking its picture...blah! my brain hurts

Thursday, June 28, 2007

the universe says, "yes!"

I just received this fabulous journal from the beautiful bek. (i heart u) Just what I needed for the note taking and business information I'll be jotting down. I'm using dreamweaver for my website and there is a dreaming girl on the cover...a coincidence? ~* I think not *~

Then I woke up to this...just an ordinary bloom you say?...

No *smile* this is a cactus that I have had for years and it has never bloomed...hmmmmmmm

I took this picture today. This was a cropping it just me, or do you see the dancing woman?

I'm doing a happy dance too!!!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Earth celebration


if I were asked to define fear I would say, "It is that one thing that keeps you from doing what you need, should, and could do."

I have been procrastinating the entire process of selling my jewelry. And my fear about this swings in both directions...on my left shoulder resides the voice that says no one will want it and on the right shoulder is the voice that predicts it will be too much for me to handle. Both feel negative and have kept me from moving forward, both speak untruths and are motivated by fear. The truth is, I can handle it and most people like jewelry in some form or another. There are no more excuses, my shoulders have rid themselves of the negatives and I have a lot of catching up to do. I designed this for my
sister and it will be one of my featured necklaces. I am calling it, "Earth celebration." Earth for its many colors and textures, celebration for a new beginning. Today I am going to the bank to open up that separate account I need to get this business going. I feel hopeful and excited and have ohhhh so many pictures to take. The negative is banished and I am out the door with a lightness around my shoulders and my head held high.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

the game of hard knocks

This is Patrisha, our adopted grand daughter, the child of a long ago 6th grade student that has always stayed in touch. Now he is a man, a husband and a father, it was just natural that his daughter become a significant part of our family.

I have spent the better part of these last four days holding her and wiping away her tears. Her mother was very young when she had our little pookie and now she has decided to wildly pursue life, leaving motherhood, 3 children and her husband behind. Patrisha has been shuffled from one home to the next and is currently living in an apartment, with no furniture but a bed. I can't even imagine the rejection she is feeling. My own mother loved me always, no matter what and I am who I am because of her. The pain in Patrisha's eyes cut me to the core.

We did many things while she was here, but one of her favorite board games has always been the game of "Life"...we had our own rules and it was always fun to fill our little plastic cars with pink or blue children, change our careers from janitors to doctors, to movie stars and buy the houses of our dreams. We would giggle when our husbands and children fell out of our cars as we moved around the board, but the thing that has always been a staple was the happy endings. This time, I saw tears well up in her eyes each time a baby was born, or one would accidentally fall out of the little plastic car.

She is only 10
and already understands that "Life" doesn't always end up in a great big house with a car full of children and a mommy that stays in the drivers seat.

Friday, June 22, 2007

grateful days of bliss

Under these threads there is a person who is delighting in the energy of this day. I have had tolerable pain levels, meaning that I am not taking anything for pain and I have been able to go out and participate in doing things that I love.

For the past 7 days I have been walking up and down the street for exercise and love getting the mail. I have been able to drive my car and I surprised my husband by showing up at the lunch hour to take him out. I have grocery shopped and shopped shop and yesterday went for coffee with my bosom friend. We laughed (I actually left the restroom with a piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe...she noticed right away...thank goodness!)
We cried and she poured out her deep heartache about my illness, she shares a big chunk of the burden, this is such a spiritual thing that I am soooo grateful for. I heart you Ang.

Today I have my adopted grand daughter Patrisha and we are going to do some catching up, so many games to play, crafts to get messy with, bookstores to browse in and of course, some shopping.

My camera is ready with a very willing subject. Happy Friday!!!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

summer is official at 11:06 am today

that is, if you live in the U.S. of A.
breathe west coast air
have 100 degree weather
with long hours of daylight
BBQ your dinners
feel like napping
wear less clothes
sleep with the fans running
and celebrate because
it's the CUTE SHOE season!!!
Yes, when you wake up today
and it's only 11:05 am
then you have to wait
just 1 more minute
for spring to end
and then put on your bathing suit....

ummmm... I'll stop at the shoes ;)

Monday, June 18, 2007

live in wellness

This fantastic T-shirt was a gift from ma petite soeur. I love it for many reasons. But the thing I love the most about it, no one gets to see...the purple tag in the back that reads, "the universe knows, awaken your passion."

I repeated out loud, "the entire universe waits for me to wake up my passions..." I suddenly felt like I had the last piece of a huge puzzle in my hand and it was my turn. That if I didn't do what I was created to do, then no one else would either. I felt connected to the entire universe and the world beneath my feet shrunk just a little bit. This moment was inspired from the tag on the back of my T-shirt...I needed this today! Thank you Den, i heart u.

And to the Universe I say, "Wake Up Your Passions!" we're all waiting ;)...

Saturday, June 16, 2007

white memories

I'm looking forward to warm and cozy
feelings of being surrounded by family
the bright sunny weekend, crisp air,
snuggles on the couch in the morning
with my daughter and chai tea
relaxing afternoons, dining dinner out
and a good movie with popcorn and laughter
celebrating daddy's day, yours and mine
with fragrant evening BBQ, good wine
and the best conversations around
I get to give and receive love will be my privilege to thank
God, the universe, fate and good grace
that I am here to soak it all in
and when it's over, I'll tuck it away
inside that pocket in my heart.....
my precious pure white memories.

Happy Father's Day weekend all of you lovelies
xOx ~*~darlene~*~

Thursday, June 14, 2007

makeup and veggies

I found myself
sitting here this
morning, drinking
my 'very green'
veggi breakfast
and I visually
took in my
predictable surroundings.

Red and white
geraniums are
scattered throughout
the backyard.

The first bunch
of tomatoes
are ripening
on the vine.

The yellow
goose neck squash
will be next

and the last of
the blackberries
are soaking up
summer's sun.

Today is a good day and I am feeling some energy that is greatly welcomed, but a foreign feeling, nonetheless . And knowing that days like today are few and far between, I have decided that I must go out and get some long overdue shopping done. (Those under-garments that no one can purchase for you ;)

If you could only see into my head as I get ready to go... positive self talk filling my brain, convincing me to remain calm and trying to keep my anxieties at bay. I have learned that staying calm is a must, because the excitement I feel can easily turn into fear and ruin the joy of the simple things, like having makeup on and driving my car. I have learned to not berate myself for feeling this way, for there is no gain in that and it only steals away precious pleasures. But, I do remember a time when this ritual was normal for me, requiring no thought or notice. I remember countless days, the dawn barely breaking and I would be applying eye shadow with one hand, while the other was brushing my daughters hair and my mind was filled with my lesson plans for the day, or memorizing something for a class I was taking later that night. Kids, work and more classes, how in the world did I get it all done? Now...I just keep taking deep breaths, blink away any tears that may try to surface and concentrate on the gratitude I feel in my heart, as my body prepares to appear like everyone else in this world. The tomatoes, squash and berries will have to wait for my attention on another day.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

a male observation

I was laying on my tummy in the back yard when I snapped these pictures of our standard local Blue Jay. He didn't notice me and he was acting unusually cute and

Preening himself looking this way and that. Pudgy little birdie cute cute cute. But, let me tell you, as soon as he realized that I was in his territory, he jumped up above me and puffed out his chest.

He squawked loudly at me and kept huffing, puffing and jerking his wings out to the sides and then up and down.
"Jeez, enough with the show're the male, I get it, I get it."
At first he was cute and then he became just down right annoying.

Later in the day my son called me just to see how I was doing (?) Now, Mark is a wonderful son, but he was sounding a little extra nice and cute :) So I finally said, "What do you want honey?" It was simple..."Oh, nothing...just a little tight on money, waiting for an overdue check" and has been eating out of his cupboards for a few days.

"Well, I am going to the grocery store tomorrow, but instead of grabbing a couple of extra items from the store, why don't I pick you up and we'll spend the day together?"
He immediately cheered up and I could actually hear his chest swell, as I had saved him from having to "ask" for my help. I thought of the Blue Jay and how one minute he was so so cute and the next he was the machismo mondo man/bird.

Men...are they all like this, no matter what their species?

Thursday, June 07, 2007

rose glow

I want to be hidden
right inside of
your transparent petals
then bask in the warmth
of your healing glow
breathe in deeply
and wait
for nightfall's protection
and the slow
closing movement
of your arms

Monday, June 04, 2007

creative bliss ....

...amongst the mess

Creative processes work differently for everyone. My brain rolls around a few shapes, colors and textures. All these doodles end up scattered before me looking like a mess. I cut things, bending them, this way and that. I trace and draw, refining a shape and there is endless measuring. My husband comes home and glances over my shoulder and says,
"Are you making little snowmen?"
And I stare at my pile of treasures and wonder .....hawh...?

Treasures...that is just what my creations feel like to me. They are small pieces of myself that derive from my present state of mind and I feel very emotional about the entire process. I surround myself with these items, all organized in containers on wheels, so they can follow me around the house.

Did you know that when you ask someone a question, they usually look up and to the right. Try it. This is because we store our information in the upper parts of our brain and it is a natural reaction to the mental search. I find that I day dream a lot and catch myself looking up for new ideas. Even now, my brain is putting together something beautiful that resembles a shimmering ocean treasure, a pendent that will hang from silk and there are sooooo many variations of this theme.

I am excited, energized and my body is slowly showing signs of healing. My brilliant hubby and I listened to what all the doctors had to say and then took matters into our own hands. Between that and being a MAjor squeaky wheel, along with you (my little bloggie squeakers)...I think some healing balm was mercifully sent down!

So, whether we are neat or messy, organized with eyes searching, sloppy and squeezed tight, or just dreaming up our ideas, creative projects are individual pieces of ourselves.

Uniquely you in every way.
Share your cReAtiVe process???

Saturday, June 02, 2007


Thank you for lighting candles for me

Thank you for lifting me up into the light

Thank you for surrounding me with your positive energies

Thank you for reminding me that lupus does not define who I am

Thank you for loving me regardless of what comes tumbling out of my soul

Thank you for believing that I can overcome even when doubt infiltrates my spirit

In my weakness,
you have carried a portion
of this burden
and added together,
my load has lightened.
Like a beam,
your light has shined
in my direction
to reveal the truth
which sets me free.
You have uncovered
this diseases frailty
and revealed the strength
I possess to keep fighting.
Joined are we in spirit,
with bonds
that are not made visible
with the human eye,
but are felt,
heart to heart.
How could I not
accept this gift,
but embrace instead,
the richness of love,
the warmth of light,
the strength of encouragement
and the renewing of hope.
So grateful am I,
that there is nothing else to feel,
but humility
and the grace
that you have extended to me
in my hour of desperation.
The mountain is moved
and once again
what lies ahead
resembles a path
that has been paved
with your love.