Tuesday, April 29, 2008

lovely view ~ lovely people

This was the view from our room. Evenings were especially fabulous. I brought my smaller lens, so I couldn't get the panorama look of it. There was so much more to see on both sides, Coit Tower on telegraph hill was smack in the middle, the Golden Gate bridge was off to the left, so was Alcatraz Island and plenty of Bay Ocean sailing, barge ships and cruisers. It was all so very stunning.
This is my daughter Angela and her beau Jon. I was able to spend some quality time with him. Yummy dinner and enough conversation to know that this young man has a significant plan to add more success to his already successful life. It was fun to watch these two make goo goo eyes and see how very well suited they are for each other. They are both happy and the energy radiating from them is lovingly contagious.
There is so much more to tell you, however the trip took its toll and I can barely keep my eyes open. My body paid a dear price for admission, suffering a lot of pain, but my heart is content. I need to rest and sleep, cuddle with 2 puppies and 1 husband, that missed me dearly.
Don't you think Angela and Jon make a beautiful couple?
I am in love with them.
I love their love.
so lovingly lovely
& lovable.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

do you know?

Do you know the way to San Fransisco? I do...and I get to leave today for a brief stay to celebrate my birthday. I am checking into a nice hotel with my daughter by my side. We have been squealing about this for weeks and it is finally here. She is a planner, so I will get my itinerary upon arrival, thank goodness she can also be flexible, as I will need some resting time here and there. I am lucky to have "cuddle time" as an item on the to do list. I have been very sick these past few weeks and it seems strange to go from little city to BIG city.

I haven't said much about Angela. She has a new beau who looks like a Greek god (a very beautiful big rugby playing man) and he is very tender hearted. I get to spend some time with him too. Enough time has passed between the two of them, that I need to let him experience the Momma side to me...the "you are holding my precious cargo" side. I'm expecting good things to transpire...and a few photo shoots :)

I am feeling anxious about leaving lil Baxter. He is almost 6 months old and hasn't left my side for one day. The bad thing about little dogs is their strong attachment and dependency on their masters, leaving them can be traumatizing. I think he knows something is up because he has been staring me down and whining these last few days. I'm going to miss him too.

Adventures...San Fransisco promises adventures and I plan on having a few myself and then sharing them with you upon my return, photo's included.

I hope you enjoy your weekend....

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

a whiff of geraniums

Oh, geranium so bright
always swooning at your sight
with your vast varieties
choosing one's too hard for me
you're immune to many pests
and so hardy at your best
such great cuttings for the vase
sheer delight upon my face
when I'm with you I can't think
sorry to say this but, you stink!
when I touch you with my hand
that lingering smell I cannot stand
regardless love lies in your bloom
maybe you should wear perfume?

Monday, April 21, 2008

the why of strawberries

Why strawberries...

Strawberries are a delicious nutritious treat, but they tend to bring out this side of myself that I don't like very much. That hoarding, large portion, I must eat them all right now, part. I don't need to be that way anymore because my main Strawberry Eating Competitor(my daughter Angela) is now on her own. Yet, I still found the biggest juiciest vine ripened one in the bunch and devoured it in my car before pulling away from the roadside stand. I know there is nothing unusual about nibbling on your fruit before you even get it home to be washed, but for me it's the satisfaction that I just consumed the First and Best One in the bunch, ha ha!

This year with my daughter gone strawberries suddenly became...well...I guess, just strawberries. And to be honest, I didn't get that surge of satisfaction that usually accompanies the eating of that first strawberry of the year. I actually found them to be rather ordinary and they left teeny tiny little seeds between my teeth. A huge mound of them is now taking up a lot of space in my refrigerator and I fear that most of them will probably rot before I can even consume them. Yes, the power of the strawberry has been reduced to the excitement of a loaf of bread.

I am going to visit my daughter this week and planned to stop by our favorite strawberry stand on my way out. "Oh, she'll be so extremely thrilled when she sees them!" I thought. "I will hand her the most beautiful flat of the biggest beautiful strawberries I can find, listen to her joyful squeals and the clapping of her hands." I was beginning to feel the smallest return of their allure, when the phone rang...

"Hello?" I said, answering the phone.
"Hi honey, it's me" said my husband.
"So, have you left for the city(S.F.) to have dinner with our daughter?" I asked.
"Yes" he replied, "I just left the Strawberry Stand and I'm on my way now."
"What?!...you're bringing her strawberries?!" I sputtered. "But you don't even EAT strawberries!" I whined
"What does that have to do with anything?" he asked very confused.
I sighed, "Oh...nothing."

So, I guess strawberries are going to have to be exciting all by themselves, no more competitions and no race to eat the most. I have to come up with a new ritual that involves plucking the BEST of the bunch so, all hail to the strawberry that I think is the best, of the rest, of the berries, that is. Next time, I'll buy some Champagne with my 1/2flat.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

a Grand Opening

petals soft and slightly blushing
winter's gone, begin grounds rushing
peeling back each separate layer
sun's deep warmth spurns on the players
a pageantry, Earth's celebration
side by side they praise creation
all new growth, a slow evoking
Mother's ready for her Grand Opening
by Darlene Simmonds

Saturday, April 19, 2008

she arrived!!!



<--"I'm cute"




but I also think everything will be pretty peachy here.

I purchased "Happy" from Dot and it was such a pleasant surprise. Dot's beautiful workmanship(and patience :) is very evident and I think everyone should take a gander over at Dot's Blog and seriously consider purchasing one for yourself, or a loved one. Thank You Dot...Happy will be just fine and may just turn up in a picture here or there. So, it's surely not good-bye, just "see you later alligator."

Thursday, April 17, 2008

goings on in my corner...

...so, this pigeon (species not indigenous to our area) flew into my backyard to take a bath in my teenie water fall. He is pudgy and throws water everywhere while he is bathing. I was quietly reading from my swing, so I don't think he knew I was watching, until I giggled. He swung his head around and gave me the "evil eye."

duh duh duh, duhnnn

(pigeon's have scary eyes?)

"Well, excuse me." I dryly responded.

"And hey, that's my waterfall you're wobbling in."

He promptly jumped out, shook his feathers and decided that I wasn't a threat, so he began enjoying the sun and exploring my grass. Now, only those of you who are old enough to remember the puppet Bert from the children's show "Sesame Street" can appreciate the humor in watching this pigeon walk around my yard. He was 'doin the' (knee jerk) 'pigeon'... I smiled at the fond memory and watched Mr. Pige until he decided I was boring company.

Baxter Binx proves to be a very entertaining puppy. He thinks he's Mr. Bad Dude, against my other dog Ellie, who is very lady like. Again, we are in the backyard, it's early morning, enjoying the peace and quiet that is our neighborhood...when this arrogant blue jay swoops down and pokes Baxter on the head!...he SCREAMS(like a girl)!

And I say,"Hey YOU... YOU'RE mean!"

I then proceeded to stand there(did I tell you I was in my pj's?)and yell at this bird, who is now perched on my roof, mocking me...and I'm wagging my finger at him with one hand, consoling my wounded puppy(just his ego)with the other hand, until...I hear this...manly...chuckle...uh......slyly trying to look around...dang, there's someone next door in their backyard!....

"So, there!" I quickly finish...and promptly slipped into my house.

(pretend picture is here)
(you will soon use your imagination :)

I love braids, I love to make them and unmake them, on myself, or someone else, it doesn't matter, I love braids. So, one night as I am watching TV, I took my then wet hair from the shower and proceeded to put a bunch of tiny little braids all over my head. (Yes, I'm a full grown woman and I know this sounds like something a child would do, but I think we've already established that I am a nerd.) I laughed, my husband laughed and I went to bed that way. (Hey, my arms hurt by then)

So, the next morning I wake up in braids with the additional boing of newly loose stray hairs that dry curly on my head and at 9:30am the doorbell rings. I peek and see that it is the Postman with my recent medicine order, that legally needs to be signed for. Now, this man has seen me in practically every form of dress you can think of, but never with braids streaming willy nilly from my skull?! In a panic I think(crap!)and I opened the door. I was blushing scarlet red and he opened his mouth to speak and nothing came out. I smiled...took the pen and board from his hand, signed it and then grabbed the medicine box saying,

"Thank you," while quickly closing the door before he could respond.

I leaned my back against the door while holding the box over my now pounding heart and (darn it!)...he just stood there for a moment. Now, you know what he was thinking and I know what he was thinking...I just hope that my entire small little postcard country town doesn't know what we were all thinking...sheesh!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

When Fate Seems Absurd ~ SPC

I never wanted to be a rock star
but I always wanted to be cool
not(everyone else)cool
my own kind of cool.
I was willing to take a chance.
You know what? That's really hard to do?
You have to shuck some family expectations
and blaze a few trails, do something different,
maybe even, strange in the eyes of others.
It's a song that only you can hear.
You may find others who's song uses the same notes,
but yours is still different and special only to you.
When we get older, we realize that being different
comes and goes. There is a time and a place for it.
So, in the meantime, continue to love the serious You.
If she is encouraged...she'll come out and play :)

I'm actually a nerd at heart...does it show that bad?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Springs beauty springs a plan

We have a huge rosemary bush in our back yard and I recently discovered just how much I enjoy it's smell. Taking the big pitcher and filling it up good with rosemary stalks and a few pink & purple roses here and there, really made an airy dainty centerpiece for the kitchen.

We are getting ready for vacation at the beach in June, well, not all of us get ready 2 months in advance, just me. Whenever I think about it, I'm squealing on the inside. But for Summer in general, I always like to pick out a few good books for the season to relax in.

I enjoy taking #1. a serious book and Jack K (One's Mans View) Tolle's A New Earth intrigued me. Sounds earthy Jack! :)

But you've got to love #2. the no brainer, reading for fun's sake book. I have heard much ado about Stephenie Meyers, "Twilight" series. If anyone has read this, or talked to some one who has, please tell me what you think about it. (Yes, I already know it's a Young Adult section book, but many adults are also reading it.)

Then I always need a #3 and I an clueless as to that one....any suggestions would be wonderful! I really appreciate your input :) Thank YOU

Sunday, April 13, 2008

a few (mostly new) favorite things

I really love shoes way too much!

Friday, April 11, 2008

sippin' heaven

Today I
this in the mail.
A small
gift to myself.
It came
from a
tea guys.
The quality was much nicer than I expected, especially for the price and the smell of the teas are divine. For all of you loose tea lovers, this is a special treat.
I requested four teas, Vanilla Chai Spice, Wild Blueberry, Coconut Truffle and Chocolate Chai. It was hard to choose because they have so many flavors. The teapot I purchased is the bigger size and serves approx. 2 & 1/2 cups.
So for now,
even though I am still
feeling pretty yucky,
I am enjoying these
beautiful flowers
from this dear friend
and I am sippin' this
little slice of heaven.
Thank you all so much
for kind words
and prayers...You
honestly give me strength that I am very grateful for. Have a wonderful weekend :)

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

absurd 'O' licious ~ SPC

This is basically how I have looked for the past week. No, you're not getting that good of a look, but take my word for it... not pretty. You know there's desperation when I put on real clothes just so I can wash my bathrobe (sheesh). But here's the delicious part...I heard, "I love you" at least 6 times today. It started first thing in the morning and was the last thing said to me before the end of the day. By dinner time I told my hubby that it was good to be alive and without needing to say anything more, I knew he understood.

he loves me
she loves me
so does she
they love me
he loves me
and just so I don't forget
he loves me again

Suddenly, the last few days have turned peacefully bearable and I feel pretty darn cute in my freshly washed bathrobe.

Monday, April 07, 2008

my rant to blame it on the weather

One of the struggles I go through with having Lupus is always trying to place blame on some external source for why I am suffering. I catalogue all of my food intake, carefully spread out all physical exertion and constantly listen to my body. And when I say "listen to my body" I don't mean it in that sensitive spiritual(sorry for my neglect, you deserve to be heard)kind of way. I mean like completely being aware of how every muscle in my body is feeling...where the pain is right now, what number is it, define the kind of pain, how serious is it and now what am I going to do about it, way. Being chronically sick is exhausting work.

There are times I get to choose to be sick, for example, when I plan ahead for some extended outing that I know will be overly taxing, when I choose to go shopping regardless of that naggy tingling in my bones, or "honey, please just put me in your car and drive me around even if you have to use a rope to hold me up!" I end up suffering in one way or the other, but I try not to complain during those times because I chose to do it. But on the days when according to my records I should be doing pretty good and I'm not, even I start looking for something to blame it on.

I think this is when God gets in trouble with some people. But in time you learn that blaming God doesn't make things any better and if you're me...you end up feeling guilty which always makes my situation worse. I also think that blaming, finding that cause, is somehow a little bit of a power play. This way, if I want to be angry, I now have some(thing) to be angry at. But alas, even anger uses energy and 95% of the time I choose not to use up my energy in that way.

So, my husband calls me from work to see how I'm doing (at the end of day six in a row of feeling like poop) and I respond, "just okay" ...translation: nothing has changed... and he says, "This darn weather! It's freezing one minute and hot the next and don't even get me started about the wind..." and yes, I know exactly how he feels...just like the child that wants to believe that all bad things come from one source and that one day, we will all be free from that source...

...and so now we are both complaining about the beautiful spring day.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

I need you like...

I need you like...

a soft landing for my heart
because you wrapped mine in doilies
brand new ones
not the yucky ones
that have been stained
with god knows what

a rainbow of vibrant choices
you have shown me my true self
through your own actions
I have so many cracks
and gnarly edges
I don't know how you've put up with me
for so long

you share things with me
even some of your secrets
I have told you my own
each one an entire story
that we digested together
and the best part is
we didn't even get indigestion

my most cherished friend
so hard to describe
but this I do know
when I have been with you
I walk away feeling
like I need to have more

a cleansing purification
you hold in your heart
my clean slate
because you very thoroughly
use more than an eraser
with all that love in your hands

To a very special friend

Friday, April 04, 2008

an unmade bed

I walked into the room
and glanced at the bed
that main focal point
right smack in the middle
of such a large wall
with windows that frame our headboard.

The blankets were folded
so simple and tidy
like dog-eared pages
one on each side
my space, the left
and yours is always the right.

It looked so planned out
like purposeful sleeping
back lying to back
then leaving our presence
without even speaking
one solitary single word.

I recall phoning you
unfolding the scene
no omission of details
you said, I was silly
no reasons for worry,
I felt so dramatically needy.

Then biting my lip
I hung up the phone
cursing that weakness
that makes me question everything
even paranoid messages
that whisper from an unmade bed

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Life ebbs and flows...

April is a month of birthdays in our family. My Grandmother on my father's side, my VaVa, turns 90. My daddy, a nephew, an uncle, a sister in law and also myself. It is Spring and I guess because it is my birthday month I become very reflective and restless. Part of me wants to slow way down and take stock of what being 46 meant to me. Another part wants to dig into new ground, plant flowers and organize away the old projects and think about fresh new ones. What will 47 bring?

But, there is a small cloud over my head. My husbands father B has dementia. He has had it for years and is now at that level where he is in need of constant medical assistance. For months the family has been discussing where dad will go, when is the right time, money issues and dealing with a lot of grief and guilt. We have shed many tears, had a few panic attacks and need regular reminders from one another that we knew this time would come.

I think about him all the time and I get that squeezing knot in my chest. The whole ordeal is effecting me much more than anyone knows. I feel the stress my husband carries because he ultimately is the one making all the decisions. His family is much better at being openly graceful, but I wear my feelings on the outside.

At first it was going to be March, then April and now May. People make these decisions all the time, it's just a part of life, right? But it feels like crap, like a part of you is abandoning someone you love and it hurts. It's going to hurt even more. We all want to live long prosperous lives, but some of us leave this earth while our bodies decide to stay a little too long.

B talks about his mom and dad...and his dire need to go see them. They have both been gone for years. He has forgotten our names and our roles in his life, but once in a while he remembers that we are important to him.

I have been dreaming about water again. Water symbolizes all that is feminine and emotional, it involves cleansing and inner urges for new life. Often there's flooding (feelings of being out of control over things in your life) and the need to make sense of the chaos.

I feel very heavy about all of this and need some spiritual relief.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

SPC ~ Absurd Hair

This was the epitome
of the 1980 hairstyles
I adorned during
that infamous decade.
I think my hair
weighed more than my
entire body?!
How in the world did
my neck hold up
my head? I remember
thinking that I
felt so cool and hip.
Most of my girlfriends
were still wearing
the long straight
hair of our high school
70's years, but for me...
the bigger the better
and I had the biggest hair
I knew of...
...except for my lil sis...

YHow adorable is she?Y
I am so glad
this decade of
absurd hair has
come and gone.
And that hair
styles have never
been that big since.
But, the main reason
is because my "hair"
will never require
that much time
and attention
ever again :)