Sunday, December 24, 2006

Constraints


Something inside of me is urging me to be raw, honest and not try to sugar coat anything. There is a part of me that doing this rubs against the grain because of the time of year it is. But, so many of you have thanked me for keeping you updated that I have to believe that there is a higher reason for this information to be put out into the world, than I understand. So, here it goes:
Update #10~ Mark took a turn for the worse today. He is still bleeding internally according to his counts. He may be getting another transfusion during the night. Transfusion #11. His fever is up to 103 and he has developed a large red patch that is moving up slowly from his most injured area. (possible infection of some kind) It is being 'monitored' which I am learning is the term they use for, "We don't know what is happening, lets wait and see what happens next) I now hate that word and want it removed from Websters. Oh, and by the way mom and dad, Mark has a broken ankle that will also need surgery. I was bedridden all day. Got up at 7 p.m. to throw on some clothes, run my hands through my greasy hair and ride to the hospital. We were informed that the ventilator had been removed. Good news?.....don't get to excited yet.
I cripple walked my way into his room, leaned over and kissed his cheek and said, "Hi baby, momma is here." His eyes opened and all hell broke loose. He was tied down by his wrists and he began to fight. The nurse is telling me about his declined blood situation and Mark begins pleading to me in a hoarse voice:
Untie me mom/get these f-in tubes out of my nose/why are my f-in arms tied down/what have I f-in done/untie my f-in arms/I'm in pain and I need my arms to move/help me mom/help me
I'm freaking out, rubbing his shoulder, his forehead, kissing his cheek and trying to explain that the doctors need him to be calm and he is tied down because he has tried to pull at anyone of the 6 tubes that are coming out of his body!
I calmly say, "I love you Mark" ("F YOU mom! Un f-in tie me!)
Now I'm crying, "I love you Mark, please try to calm down honey" ("F You MOM!)
Still crying, "Mark honey, mommy needs to go now, I love you, I'm sorry baby!"
"NO Mom...don't go!...don't leave me...NO!.......moooooom........!
The door opens, I exit and collapse into the arms of my sisters. I can't breathe and I'm trying to talk and explain what just transpired. I cover my face and see the nightmare seared behind my eyelids. I will NEVER forget this...EVER!
Mark does not cuss in front of me. He has always treated me with the utmost respect, loving caring, gentle when I'm sick....my special boy.
No, I did not take it personal. He is confused, angry and on heavy medication, but it knocked the wind out of me, just the same. Those seconds felt real, as real as the keys under my fingers.
As real as the PUBLISH button I'm about to press.............................
Update #11~ Some of you have asked about Brian~ He is at a different hospital than Mark. We call everyday to find out about his progress. He is also in ICCU. He broke both of his legs and has some bleeding on his brain. No brain damage, more like a severe bruise. One of his legs was a clean break and the other has more shattering breaks. We have been told that he will have multiple surgeries for that leg. No internal injuries. We pray for him everyday. He will most likely be going to jail after he recovers. The police findings show no sign of breaking at the dead end of the street. Marks testimony is that he told him 3 times to slow down and that on the 3rd time Brian accelerated and said, "let me show you what my car can do." That is a felony, plus his blood test showed levels of alcohol and something else. Marks blood was clean. Mom won't talk, but his sister is concerned about Mark.
As for me...I am sleeping and resting today. The lupus is flaring, but I will go to see him around dinner time. He is scheduled for more Scans today and will need to sleep today too. They are lightly sedating him so he can rest. As of this morning, his temperature is still at 103 and his blood level has not dropped any more. I am hoping for some information about the inflamed area around his side.
God bless each angel (YOU) who are saying prayers and affirmation's on our be half. I read them over and over again. They are my peace and a lifeline of strength for me. Thank You Thank You Thank You.

73 Comments:

Blogger Jen said...

My thoughts and prayers and warm positive thoughts continue to be with you. I think of of you and hope that they reach you where you are. take care.

1:35 AM  
Blogger Footpad said...

Dearest Darlene,

We are with you, JP and I, in spirit. It's hard and wrong, the path you have to take, but we...and all of your friends from the b'sphere...are here, in these moments, with you, with Mark, and with your family.

Believe me, if any of us could take this cup, we would.

With love and complete support,

-- f (and JP)

1:37 AM  
Anonymous Lady Painter said...

Il will pray for you and our son and your husband too. That the love of Jesus's mother, on that day of Christmas, will give you all the strength to fight and to win. I hope that everything is going to turn in a good direction and that Mark will get better and better, everyday one step. And I send you all my love and courage for those so painful days.

1:39 AM  
Anonymous amy said...

i wish there was more i could do than send an ongoing stream of love and positive thoughts. words don't seem sufficiently helpful. your honesty is perfectly appropriate for this time of year. what you are doing is the most important thing that one person can do for another - being there, in the most complete way. i know that you will carry some horrid memories from this time but, knowing a little of your family from what i have read, you will also carry memories of courage and grace. please take care of yourself and allow others to do the same.
best wishes,
amy

2:31 AM  
Blogger a m y said...

Oh honey...I am so, so, sorry. This must be so awful. I wish I could write something magical to make this all go away, and stop hurting. I will be praying extra hard for you, for Mark, for the doctors, for the rest of your family. May you find strength, a place of peace, and the deepest love...

So much love and a HUGE hug to you, dear one. Keep us updated...

And remember, I am SOOOO close by. If you need anything...let me know. I would be more than happy to come sit with you, do errands...whatever you or your family needs. I mean it, please don't hesitate.

Love to you!

2:32 AM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

Darlene, I wanted to send this in an email, but I couldn't find an email address on your blog, so forgive me for leaving it in a comment. My good friend's 5-year-old granddaughter was paralyzed in a car accident a week before Thanksgiving. I tell you that not to add to your pain or to make you feel bad in any way, but to share this: she's really struggling emotionally and she's been very angry...as would any of us if we suddenly woke up in a hospital bed unable to move. I'm very grateful that Mark's prognosis is so much better than hers, and it's been haunting to read your posts after what my friend's family has been through. It must feel very, very scary for Mark right now...and I can't imagine that being tied down and having all those tubes doesn't add to the fear. It can be so hard (in any situation) to be on the receiving end of anger that's being directed at us by someone we love so much. One of the hardest things in life in general is simply allowing each other to have our feelings...to not assign right or wrong to them, but just allowing it to be okay to have them because they're OURS. I'm glad you're posting some of your raw feelings here. Screw the time of year--you're entitled to feel what you want through this experience. I will continue to send Mark loving light and healing energy to help him on his journey of recovery. Blessings to you.

2:33 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

Oh my heart breaks to read this Darlene. I read this to my husband this morning and his first response was, 'oh this boy is special and look how strong he is. if he's pulling at his tubes and cussing at his mom, his will to survive is so strong' and it's true. We (or at least me) always hurts the one you love the most; he's saying F U because he's hurting and he can. He knows you love him and he loves you so much, he's saying he's hurting and scared and sick with his words.....because of the medication he can't say it articulately.
I know you know this, but it sometimes helps to hear it from a stranger (although I'm less that now right?)
I have to come to your blog every morning, afternoon and evening, to read about Mark, praying that he is doing alright.

much love and healing thoughts sending your way.

2:56 AM  
Anonymous Sophie said...

Dear Darlene, I'm so sorry to read this. I hope this day will bring better news and strength to you all. A candle is burning over here.

Sending much love, Sophie

3:21 AM  
Blogger poet said...

as difficult as it is to read this, writing it must have been sheer hell. holding you and sending lots of love during this time.

it is good that you aren't taking it personally, the anger. a young, vibrant, healthy man suddenly strapped to the bed and swearing is not an easy sight. having gone through a fair bit during my time here, i have seen those types of behaviours and know that it is the body's way. besides, you are MOM, and you are SAFE. he can be HIMSELF with you, the scared little boy inside. and that is what he did. being a strong man, on medication and dealing with whatever memories from the accident, and night mares that may go with them.

i may be crossing a line, but i am curious, as perhaps the other readers and frineds are, what about brian? the driver? is he is better shape, worse shape?

perhaps, since mark is remembering, he would have alot of anger toward brian, especially when he asked him to drive more cautiously, and was ignored.

i imagine you all have already considered this. take care, find the strength in your fmaily and friends both here and in the 'real world'. i'm sending lots of hugs and prayers, and hopefully some of my faithfuls to lend their love and support for you.
hugs, poet.

3:36 AM  
Blogger swirlyange said...

Oh darlene that sounds awful......i'm so sorry. I check your blog regularly throughout the day and hope that you feel all of us bloggies holding your hand down this path and pouring our love to you and mark.
I'll be lighting a candle for mark and your family tonight.
All our love,
Ange xo

3:41 AM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Sweet D oh my god I am so sorry Honey it is christmas eve we have prayed as a family before our meal hands joined in unison for you and your baby this is our new tradition as I said in email and every christmas eve will represent Mark and his fight through this trying time.
I love you friend
Prayers and blessings xx

3:48 AM  
Blogger rising to the challenge said...

Darlene. I agree with acumamakiki -we always hurt the ones we love the most. You are Mark's channel to vent his anger and you were so brave to deal with his outburst the way you did.
As an acutely claustrophobic person, I cannot even begin to imagine how panicked Mark must feel to be tied down. It is for his own good but he is going through so much -the pain, the anguish, the anger, the fear- to be tied down too must feel so unfair.
But, you yourself know better than anyone that his anger shows his great strength. The furious warrior in him is emerging and he will soon find a way to focus on recovery, I'm sure.
I will continue to keep him in my thoughts and nurture you and him in my heart. I wish there was something more that I could do.
All my love,
Vanessa
xxx

4:09 AM  
Blogger angela said...

It's hard not to be hurt when those closest to us swear at us but you're right not to take it personally.
Anger may well be good and may be motivating his body to fight the infection.
remember Blake's "Tigers of wrath"
Thinking of you and praying for all of you,
big hugs,
Angela

4:30 AM  
Blogger Jerri said...

Oh Darlene, I know how this hurts. I truly do know as I once had to leave my darling son in a hospital room as he shouted and begged me not to leave, to help him.

You are so wise and so loving not to take Mark's swearing personally. During the hospitalization mentioned above, the dr.s told me my son felt safe to shout at me, to show all his anger to me because he could trust me not to give up on him no matter what.

Mark must trust you in the same way. And how right he is. You show yourself to be the kind of mother who has earned that trust, who will be there for her child through hell if necessary.

This is a tough, tough road. You do such honor to yourself, Mark, and us as you write from you heart and from your gut.

Prayers and the Light of Love from every corner of the globe are your companions on this journey.

5:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still here still reading and praying for you all.
He is very strong and that is essential for him to pull through. Can the doctors help? My heart aches for you both...martha in ny

5:41 AM  
Blogger Sheila said...

Dear Darlene, as mothers, one of the things we have to learn is that we cannot fix everything. Under more normal circumstances you would recognize this. These are not normal circumstances.So many things come into the picture here, and all contribute to what happened last evening.You know this but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
He needs to be able to rant, to vent, and who better to vent to than Mom, who has always been there for him. The day will come when he will look back and feel he can't apologize enough for what passed last night, and you will smile, stroke his hair, and say..
'It doesn't matter, I love you'
and it won't matter.
Part of what you need to do for Mark, is to take care of yourself...please tell us you are doing that..?
Continuing to send prayers and love your way...
xx

5:47 AM  
Blogger Soren said...

I have never read your blog before and just found a link to it - I am so sorry this is happening to you all. I join with all these other people in sending you love and light. and thank you for posting what is REAL, for you, right now.

lovelovelove

6:07 AM  
Blogger Becca said...

As hard as it is to see this side of your son, that's so full of pain and angry, know that the anger is a good sign. It means he's fighting hard to get better, to overcome what has happened to him. It's that anger that will keep pushing him to fight and ultimately get better.

With love and prayers...

6:11 AM  
Anonymous Kim in IN said...

The love of a mother knows no bounds......sending you peace Darlene. May you find a quiet place today.
Know that mothers everywhere are holding you up,urging you on,loving you,believing........
Kim,mama in IN.

6:12 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

As the mother of three, I know that from the minute they are born, we try to keep them safe, warm, happy, dry, and out of danger. What worse fear does a mother have than being helpless in the face of a child's anguish and suffering.

His anger is his strength. Better that he screams and curses the darkness than gives into the tide of pain of suffering.

You are there as his release, his rock, his standard, his flag bearer, you are MOM.

My spirit and love to you at this dark, dark hour. May the Lord protect you and comfort you and hold you and your family in the palm of His hand.

6:14 AM  
Blogger britt said...

Sweet darling, I am so sorry. That sounds so difficult. I am still praying, so strongly, all day, at random times when thoughts of your family pop into my mind. Please keep us updated. I can't wait to hear about his full recovery. I know it will happen. Much love today.

6:20 AM  
Blogger Mary Timme said...

Oh the pain you must be experiencing! I'm in agony for you and for Mark! And praying for you both! Remember to love yourself, too!

6:27 AM  
Blogger Deb R said...

Oh, Darlene, that episode with Mark had to hurt so much. I don't know if this will help, but even not knowing Mark except through your words (just thinking about human nature in general), I feel sure that he lashed out at you because he could...because he knows you'll love him anyway. In his most lucid moments he must be feeling so helpless and scared right now and that's hard for anyone, but must be extra hard for a vital 24-year old man. And along with that fear there must be anger - "why did this happen to me?" Sooner or later all that has to come out somehow and unfortunately you - his mother, the person who loves him more than anyone on earth - were there at just the wrong moment. On the one hand I'm genuinely SO sorry you had to go through that. But on the other, I'm glad for Mark's sake that there are people in his life he feels safe enough to rant to when he needs to let that out. Not everyone has that safety net, you know.

I'm also so very sorry to hear Mark's physical health has taken a turn for the worse and I can feel your frustration from here at not getting answers and results instead of all the "wait and see" crap. I know I say every day that I'm praying for you (the collective "you" - you personally, Mark, your family, even the doctors that they'll have the skills they need to help), but even though it feels repetitive to say it again and again I think it's important to say and to do. So, sweetie, I'm praying for you and sending good thoughts your way~~~~~

6:28 AM  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

My mom worked as a nurse in an ICU for over twenty years and she said that patients who fight like you describe your son doing are the ones with the best recoveries. It is really common..the swearing, and it just shows how strong he is and that he has great will to heal. He's pissed and that's wonderful. He isn't giving up.

Breathe, sweet woman. Don't forget to breathe.

6:34 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

If I could be there to hug you without you going, "Who is this crazy stranger hugging me?!" I would do it. We are sending all our love to you and all our prayers up for you, Mark and your whole family.

7:04 AM  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

Darlene,
Still holding you close in my heart and mind as things continue to swing back and forth for you, Mark, and your family. Your feelings of frustration and grief are completely understandable--let them wash over you without judging yourself or feeling that you "should be" in a different emotional place. Baby steps...be kind to yourself. Mark's outburst may just be his way of purging some of the negative spaces in his own body and mind...just as when he was a small child having a tantrum or a fit...it will pass through him. Do whatever feels best to you given the incredible struggle of this situation. You will remain in my intentions and thoughts.
Love to you,
Delia

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dearest Darlene,

i have been listening since the beginning (connected through boho's blog). what is in my heart & body has not yet formed into words, words that could capture all that there is to say. nevertheless, it is time to begin with what i can say.

i send you quilts patched together with: prayers emerging from the deepest parts of me; healing light & energy; arms to wrap you up in hugs; hands to hold; and, that which sources it all, i send you in excess: love.

in this time of not knowing...what i do know is the exquisite & radical love for a child. and, it is from this place that i send you & mark & all of your dear ones *everything* i have to offer.

blessings, blessings, blessings,
meghan

7:16 AM  
Blogger Jemima said...

Sounds terrifying. You survived, you are surviving, stay strong.

I've had nothing on that scale, but I understand what it is to have to do stuff to or for your kids, because you know it's for the best, even though it hurts or scares them. And it hurts a mother way more inside, than they know, if you ask me.

7:26 AM  
Blogger ruby said...

oh darlene, my eyes teared up heavily as i read this; i wish there was something more comforting that i could say...but i am just so, so very sorry that your family is going through this. i hope it brings you some peace to know that mark and your family are surrounded by circles of prayer. i am thinking of you...much love.

7:52 AM  
Blogger Lisa(oceandreamer) said...

Dearest Darlene...my heart breaks for you. I feel your pain and I feel Mark's pain AND the frustration. The restraints are necessary but stressful, is there a way they could be changed to hospital "mittens" I wonder? Velcro mittens that leave his hands free to move but no ability to grab. We had dealt with this with my mom in the past and it helped to be more calming just being able to move her arms. I know this is different but I wanted to mention it anyway.
I keep you both in my heart and thoughts constantly. PLEASE Darlene, look after yourself.
I have hope, we all do, and we all will continue this circle of healing and thoughts and prayers...feel the arms holding you up...listen for the words.
With much love,
XOXO
Lisa

7:56 AM  
Anonymous Paris Parfait said...

Darlene, your post is honest and brave and raw, just like the challenges you and Mark are facing at the moment. Sending much love and positive energy across the miles for you, your family and for Mark's healing and recovery - and for your strength and stamina. xo

8:08 AM  
Blogger The Whole Self said...

oh love- i haven't stopped thinking about you and your family. you can be as real as you want and need here...it's your space. we're all listening no matter what you have to say.

xo

8:13 AM  
Blogger Marsha said...

You don't know me and we are miles apart but I found your blog the other day and have been praying for your son and you and your family. I can't imagine the pain that you are all going through but may it comfort you to know that strangers around the world are praying for you. Remember the "reason for the season", our Lord's birth gives us hope, grace and peace throughout our lives. I wish you a Christmas filled with comfort, peace and joy in knowing that better days are sure to follow.

8:20 AM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

I am so sorry Darlene to hear about this unknown redness and his bleeding internally! Where are the specialists???(I will be praying for more guidance,DIVINE GUIDANCE) and Yes, his lashing out, he knows he can with you, YOU will love him no matter what! and Mark probably needs to vent like this!Being tied down is so heart wrenching for all! I will be also lighting a candle for Mark tonight at midnight Mass! YOU, MARK, and all your family will be in my prayers and the Mark Mantra goes on. LOVE and prayers XOXOXOOXOXOXXOXX, Cinda

8:21 AM  
Blogger Chulita said...

I'm a friend of JanePoe, and I have been following your updates since I read one of her posts a few days ago. I am so very sorry this is happening to your son. This last update was so hard to read because I have a 25 year old son and I kept imagining his face. Oh, my heart goes out to you and your son! I was reading through some of the comments for this post and I truly believe what some of them say--that his anger is actually a good sign, but I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Please know that we are all sending you positive energy to help sustain you through all of this; and positive energy to Mark for his recovery. Thank you so much for sharing this nightmare part of your life with all of us. I will light a candle today for the both of you and send out a special prayer to the Universe for his speedy recovery.

8:34 AM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

keep feeling. keep feeling. keep letting it pour out of you. because you are writing here, because you are reaching inside yourself here, you are able to be present for Mark, for your family, for you. you are able to be the human being that you are, the incredible human being.

this morning, this christmas eve morning, i send you peace, i send you breath (feel this, take a deep breath dear girl), i send you light, i send you hope, i send you love.

8:39 AM  
Blogger LiteraryGirl said...

My first thought is that no, you will never forget this. I am so glad you have your family to walk with you, and all of us praying. Mark loves you. You know he loves you. Carry that with you when he is not himself. Think of all the situations where a patient is in pain and they say or do things they don't mean and often don't remember (childbirth, icu psychosis, both of which I've seen get ugly) and remember the man underneath. Even though in your head you know it is not you, your heart is breaking because you can't help your baby, and every mother understands that. I am still praying and awaiting the post where things take a major turn for the better...soon...

8:42 AM  
Blogger Julie H said...

Darlene, I am so sorry you have had to hear those words. I pray Mark won't remember saying them as it would surely break his heart.

I have sat staring at the screen trying to figure out what to say to you. All I have is that I am with you in spirit and in prayer.

May His peace come upon you today.

8:45 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

my gods that was a horrible experience to go through.

please know, that like your entry says, this is the medication talking. this is the strong mind trapped within a wounded shell, begging to come out.. this is NOT MARK.

your entry moved me to tears. flashbacks of my own recovery sear through my eyes and make it hard to see, let alone type.

strong arms around you will carry you all thru this.

you have thousands of us cheering you all on and sending our love.. USE IT ALL to keep yourself strong and channel it to dear Mark.

~ B

8:48 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

Oh, honey. I'm just so sorry this is where you and Mark are right now! I wish I could say something that could make it different...all I can say is, it won't last forever. Things will change. Be strong. Quiet your mind. stay with him and stroke him, and just don't pay any attention to all the ugly pain...Remember, no matter HOW ugly it is, God is still in that room with you. You must know this is true.
You can live through a lot. More than you may realize right now. You ARE stronger than you think you are! And so is Mark.

You will be in the prayers on my lips all through the day, Darlene. You and Mark. All through the day.

Love surrounds you.

:) Amber

9:04 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

I also wanted to say to you, that I feel sure he went off like that, because he know you are SAFE for him! He is such pain, and he knows his mom, his love, is a SAFE place. This is what children do. They only give their truest pain and feelings to the people they know loves them th emost!

You are such a good mom, that he could "not be himself" and know on some deep level, that he could just let it out!

You love him, and he knows it.

:)

9:09 AM  
Blogger LDahl said...

I know you don't know me... I was sent here by friends of friends.
My son is about your sons age... and he is my baby...so I really REALLY feel for you.
I want you to know his reaction is normal(my daughter is a charge nurse) It is a better sign than you think because it means he's a fighter, which is good.
He didn't mean it towards you, I doubt he ever even remembers it.It is just a response to drugs pain and confusion. Let it go as such:)
Think strong thoughts, I'll keep you both in my thoughts today(and tomorrow too:)
Peace and love!

9:17 AM  
Blogger gerry rosser said...

I will not forget you for a day during this ordeal.

9:22 AM  
Blogger brittany said...

oh, D, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know that kind of thing cuts to the core, even if he is in the condition he is in. :(

((((((Dar))))))xx(one cheek)xx(other cheek)

{pat, pat, pat, rub}

I will kneel in prayer right when I publish this and ask for a miracle. Blessings to you on this tired and sick Christmas Eve.

loves,
B

9:50 AM  
Blogger Laini said...

Darlene, I am so so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you all day. Best wishes, blessings, hopes, and love.

9:57 AM  
Blogger Alexandra G said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Alexandra G said...

Mark, your heart, all of your family will be in my mind and heart all day today Darlene. I will say prayers and please, please don't hesitate to ask if there are other ways we can be of help to you in any way. I have tears in my eyes wishing you didn't have to go through this but you are extraordinary and brave, so very human and beautiful in all the ways that matter most. One day, one moment at a time, I am praying for Mark's healing and recovery.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Susannah said...

Sweetheart, Mark sounds like such a fighter and that is a GOOD thing. he will fight to heal and will be so much stronger for it. he must be so scared and confused but you are there for him - his momma - and he knows you love him. he is safe with you, he knows that too. i'm glad you have deni there to support you and hold you - i am holding you too, with my arms of light

i love you xox

10:15 AM  
Blogger rose colored glasses said...

I lit a candle of intention(health, healing and love) for your family and of course Mark. I am so sorry for all of your pain.
Nikki Stevens

10:28 AM  
Blogger Judy Scott said...

Prayers and love coming your way, Jx

10:38 AM  
Blogger Juli said...

I continue to check for updates as my heart is heavy with concern for your family and especially Mark.

10:45 AM  
Blogger Star said...

Mark is to lucky to have you in his corner, Darlene.

Keep coming to the well of comments to drink up the thoughts and prayers we pour out for you here. No matter how often you visit, we will keep filling the well; it will not run dry. Let our words refresh you and instill new hope.

Holding all of you close.

Star

11:10 AM  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

Darlene, I echo everyone else in that Mark's outburst comes from being secure with the unconditional love he knows you have for him, as well as his extreme strength and utter frustration. When we don't where to turn, what to do, where to go, we lash out at those people who we love the deepest, because we "know" that they will stand by us no matter what.

Despite the explanation that we can place on this terrible experience, the hurt you feel is very real, and I am so sorry that you are holding this experience in your heart in addition to everything else. Continue to come here and spill it and let us hold it for you, as we will all continue to do.

You remain in my thoughts, hearts and prayers...constantly. I pray for small steps and miracles alike. I pray that Mark's feelings of helplessness can turn around and manifest in a way that will be better for his body and soul. I pray for more clarity for you and J, and strenghth for you all.

Love and more to you this Sunday.

xoxoxoxo
Jen

11:18 AM  
Anonymous michele hoffman said...

you, mark, your family & the doctors are in my prayers.

love to you...michele

11:35 AM  
Blogger dd said...

Darlene. What a nightmare for you and for Mark and everybody. My heart just goes out to you, so much. So much.

I will be praying and taking many moments through this holiday just to center myself and say a prayer.

Thanks for the updates. I can't imagine, only touch the surface, of how difficult this situation must be for you all.

Love, sandy

11:37 AM  
Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Oh honey...
I thought of you and Mark this morning as we sang carols about Jesus' birth in church. About how he came to heal the broken. I pray that tonight and tomorrow and every day in the coming year be filled with tangible evidence of this being true for you and Mark - that you reach out and take hold of every bit of comfort, hope, healing, peace, joy, and love Jesus offers you, trusting that as much as you need, there is more where that came from.

Thank you for your honesty - bless you, bless you, bless you.
Love,
Trish

11:52 AM  
Anonymous glo said...

I thank God Mark has such a wonderful loving family that is giving strength and love in this most difficult time...and thank God as well for living in a country that has access to great healthcare who are doing their best to take good care of him. Continue to stay strong for him...God bless. xo glo

12:24 PM  
Blogger deirdre said...

Sweetie, my thoughts will be with you today. The restraints are so necessary and still it's heartbreaking to see someone you love fighting against them. I'm sure your heart is breaking. Please take deep breaths and know that you are strong and wise and loving. Let yourself be lifted by prayers and heartwishes.

12:27 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Reading your updates daily and keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers on this Christmas Eve.

12:54 PM  
Blogger amanda kathryn said...

My heart breaks for you. Thank you for keeping us updated. Many thoughts and prayers for You and Mark.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous Josie said...

Wow, you word are so raw, so real. I;m not relgious, but believe in a higher power. This higher power I pray to, to help your family get through this difficult time.
Josie

1:23 PM  
Blogger Jean said...

sbfjirAdding my prayers to all the others here...

1:31 PM  
Blogger LiteraryGirl said...

Since you will be unable to attend church this Christmas, I thought I'd share with you our message today, especially because it made me think of you guys...

Definition of Hope: A confident expectation of a favorable future.

Romans 15:13 "May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Lamentations 3:19-23
"Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have HOPE. The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is thy faithfulness."

Today I am praying for you to be filled with hope and peace.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its me again. All I can say is at least he is getting mad. He is not rolling over feeling sorry for himself. Mark needs to get mad let it out. You are the one he will take it out on. I am sorry you had to see him that way. I know it hurts, he is a fighter! He will get though this. I don't want to sound to cooky but the doctors need to take another look. They are missing something! Its just a feeling I have. Please take some time for yourself today and regroup.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Denise said...

So many people here (leaving comments) are much more eloquent than I am...so I will say simply:

Stay strong. Thoughts and prayers are coming toward you and Mark from every direction.

Denise

2:55 PM  
Blogger ~Bek~ said...

Darlene... I can only begin to imagine the levels of pain Mark must be experiencing and enduring.

I have spent the last two days in bed with a high fever, aching muscles and what I discovered to be a severe case of tonsillitis. In between delirious dreams ~ I thought of you and your boy... of the pain I was in ~ being nothing compared to what Mark is going through.

He and you... and your entire family are amazing souls... and you will get through this.

My prayers, the prayers of my family, a candle lit for Mark and blessings for healing are being sent to you constantly from my home to yours...

Bx

3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sending thoughts of healing, love, warmth, and strength from PDX.

LD

3:43 PM  
Anonymous mindy said...

i tried to email you, but it was returned today...my heart is in knots for you darlene. i recieved your beautiful package a couple of days ago and your thoughtfulness and kindness led me back here. i have been away from the blogworld for a while, and to come back and find out this devistating news...i can't stop thinking about you and your family. i am sending you all the hope and healing energy i can, along with a big teary embrace wishing there were more that i could do. i am praying for your baby and holding you and all of your loved ones tightly in my heart...(((hugs)))

5:37 PM  
Blogger JanePoe said...

Dear Dar,
As my hubby said earlier, we are with you in spirit ... you have our love and complete support.
I cannot imagine how scary this is for Mark, as well as you. As other's have said, perhaps his anger is a good sign insofar as it represents his fighting spirit. He (and you & your family) are going through the wringer right now ... none of us can imagine it. We can however, send big healing and loving hugs your way.
Much love Darlene ... xo, Deb

6:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I prayed for you and your son tonight.

Lizzie
http://adustyframe.wordpress.com/

6:44 PM  
Blogger Brown eyed girl said...

oh my gosh Darlene! I am soo soo soo sorry, I keep wishing in some weird way this will all just be a dream, that it was never real. I want it all to stop for you! It is Christmas Eve, and my thoughts have turned to you and your family, I will pray earnestly for you again, and desperately want to be there to help in some way. I care about you, what you heard from Mark, like you know, was not him, it was his adrenaline,the shock, the drugs, confusion, all of it! I cried to hear it, that's just devastating! A very mean part of me is thrilled that the other guy might go to jail, I had assumed some "influence" could have been involved. I hurt for you right now, I have no words....I Just want a miracle for you.....love, love love....
MIchelle

7:43 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Dear Darlene,

Please take care of yourself, and get some rest tonight.

I thought of you at church tonight, and when my whole church sand songs of faith and I could feel the energy of love in that room, I sent up special prayers for Mark. I pictured him in my mind, and asked that the Lord perform healing in his body...

Bless you and your family. I know it won't be a "merry Christmas" this year...But I hope you can find rest and peace, and look forward to th ejoy you will have next year.

(((you and your family)))

Tonight I go to mass, and i will light a candle for you. ;)

:)

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh what a difficult time. I am saying prayers for your son and the rest of the family. Please know that I am thinking of you and hope that you can feel that you are not alone.

with love and many prayers,



Chalaundrai

P.S. Please rest and sleep as much as possible

12:06 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home