Tuesday, October 30, 2007

what 20 somethings do for Halloween

This is my daughter Angela.
She went as a 1960's bride
for a weekend party in S.F.
Ang is wearing a Vintage 60's
dress that is a heirloom from
her Grandma Kay. It is shocking
how much she actually looks like her.
Kay has passed on...and I hope she
was able to glance down and see
her Grand Daughter in one of her
favorite dresses.

Oh, to be young again ;)

Monday, October 29, 2007

~Full~ of gluten free food

harvest moon ~ taken by me ~ nikon D80

Harvest is a time for gathering. Here at home, all the trees let go of their various nuts and suddenly the orchards are bare and colorless. This year, I noticed something different, something that stood out as we drove down the country roads near my house, everything was covered in a fine, white, powdery mist. I asked my husband what it was and got this answer, "That is the anti-fungus chemical they use to prepare for the winter rains."

Come to find out, they respray this chemical a few times throughout the season, they want the incoming crops to get good and soaked. I don't suffer from allergies in the spring, autumn is my season. Sore throat, ear aches and migraines. I am surrounded by orchards and these chemicals are daily in my environment. Maybe they're not allergies after all?

However...I am loving the Organic and gluten free diet I am on. My intestines are now handling raw veggies, so salads are back on the menu, fruits too. After one month of eating this way...I cheated! Just a little...but boy did I suffer. It felt like my entire body rebelled. Within 20 minutes, I was regretting it and then payed the price with painful intestines for 2 days!!!

What in the world have I been doing to my body for all these years!

Just how far is all this healing going to lead?......Possible Remission?!

My hopes are high and it's a scary place to be.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Me & Callie

Yes, I'm real...the only thing I'm stuffed with is love.
Have a great weekend!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

California Burning

this chair waits for my husbands body at the end of the day
it surrounds him with comfort
conforms to his shape
and often cradles him during a nap
it is chairs like this, that represent home
to so many different families

There is a slight haze in the air surrounding this part of California. I am well away from all the fires and live in the Northern part, but it is still my State that is in peril, closer to precious family members and friends and I feel the heaviness inside my heart. All of our local stations are covering this disaster, news channels are discussing it as their main subject and they keep showing the complete neighborhoods that have been burned to the ground. An entire town is gone from one end to the other. This morning, they found 2 bodies, a couple that refused to evacuate their home...so so sad.

Our homes don't go to heaven with us and the bible even describes Earthly goods as rubble, in comparison to love that is eternal, but I can't help to believe the great loss that all of these families are feeling. My huge television is showing the sad crying faces of the Californians involved, their bravery is amazing...and I look over at my husbands chair and at all the 'things' that represent home to me, safe and untouched by tragedy...and I pray for all of those, whose security has been burned to the ground and turned into rubble.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

silly crying girl

The last time I had this dream, I must have been around 10 years old. Funny how dreaming can pull such old memories from out of the deep recesses of our minds...

The event that created a dream

~This older boy who lived down the street and around the corner, asked me if I wanted to go pheasant hunting with him and his family. I did and it was all so different from any experience I'd ever had with my own family.

A big field, shooting guns, dogs running around everywhere...and the pretty birds that fell from the sky.

I didn't know what I was getting into, I just enjoyed the fact that this boy wanted me to go somewhere with him, surrounded by the safety net of his parents. Even the mom shot at the birds, I was horrified. I'm not even sure I understood what hunting meant and the reality of taking life away from a living thing. The dead birds were heaped into piles, the red blood staining the iridescent rainbows that I saw in their feathers. The dogs had lust in their eyes, something else I had never seen before. I don't remember any conversations we may have had that day.

When we got back to their house, I was too young to understand that I should of asked to go home, I was expected to eat dinner with them. The mom took the birds and placed them in the kitchen sink, washing the blood from their limp bodies. She placed a chair from the dining room and told me to stand next to her. She showed me how to pull out the feathers and handed me a bird. Each feather clung to the skin as it was being pulled from it's body, the eyes were open and void of life. I felt the bile rise in my throat and I began to silently cry. Tears rolled down my cheeks and my nose sniffed a couple of times. The mom saw that I was crying and she took the bird from my hands. Where was the boy? Why was I here and alone with this woman in the kitchen? She sat me at the table with a glass of milk, I don't remember any words of consolation, just the feeling that I had done something wrong and was being punished. It felt like I sat there forever.

Finally, she put the TV on and soon I could smell the birds cooking in the oven. I knew they were going to make me eat them and I began to feel the panic rise in my chest. She announced that dinner was ready and everyone came from the hidden places, somewhere from the back of the house. Silently, I sat there, seeing the days events play before my eyes; the loud bursts from the guns, the piercing cries of the birds, dogs barking with hunger in their eyes, while retrieving their rewards. I took one bite and tasted the oily gamy meat on my tongue. I ran to the kitchen sink and spit it out, embarrassed and crying again.

She put me in her car and silently drove me home, she was disappointed in me and I could feel that I had been a waste of her time. I don't remember talking to my parents about the events of the day, if I did, I'm sure many of the details were left out. That night I dreamt that dead, plucked, bloody birds were chasing me and I couldn't run fast enough to get away from them. I had that same nightmare for 2 weeks and once again the other night.

Who was I to them?
Just some silly girl who cried all the time and I bet that Mom is thankful, that all she ever had to raise were boys.

Monday, October 22, 2007

the new artsy look

You know when you have to run an errand...
just one
real quick like... so,
you throw on some clothes
any clothes
even if they don't match
because you're in that,
"Who cares what I look like, no one will notice"
kind of mood
and you put your unwashed hair
in a pony tail
quickly dab on
blush and lipstick
add sunglasses
and rush out the door?

Well, the first person I ran into was this charming Starbucks server who asked me if I was an artist...up go my eyebrows, with a look of surprise and I say, "I think I'm... sort of an artist?...Why do you ask?"
The server seriously replies with a nod, "You look very artsy."

It was then that I looked down to see what I was actually wearing, I smiled and said, "Hmmmm?...Thank you."

Leaving the store, I caught my full body reflection in the window, on my way back to the car and declared,

"Frump is the new Artsy look? I'm up for that!!!" *big smile*

Thursday, October 18, 2007

bathrobes and comfort foods

It gets cold fast around here. One day you're using your air-conditioning and the next, your heater. I actually checked my bathrobe for spiders before putting it on, I can't even remember when I wore it last. This gluten free diet is a real challenge. I wake up and my brain automatically thinks of the old foods...oatmeal, cheerios, toast with jam, all things that I can no longer eat. This old dog has some new tricks to learn. I have my own shelf in the pantry and I continually stare at it. All the wrappers look foreign and the foods are unusual to me, nothing has turned into comfort food yet...I think I need that to happen.

Just like bathrobes...foods feel like old friends that get left on that hook behind your bedroom door, minus the spiders, of course.

Monday, October 15, 2007

meet Callie Lu

I'm funny

I'm confident

I have a great profile

I'm extremely photogenic

and all of that, is exhausting for a puppy

Here are all the handsome men in my new family
(Kenny, Casey, Mark, Sean, Louis)

This is my Daddy (give me five!)

and I already rule my new home

For more pictures of the rest of my new family...go here (Denise's blog)

It had been way too long since we had all seen each other. There were tears each time a different family member arrived and lots of hugging and kissing. Callie Lu commanded the center of attention and at the same time, we had more closure about Daisy going to doggie heaven. We cried while recalling fond memories and Callie licked our tears away to make us smile again. She is already loved by us all and is showing the signs of being a quick learner. If there is such a thing as feeling the past spirit from one dog into another, Daisy has given her approval of Callie. *You chose good Daisy Mae* :)

Being with my sisters is always a laugh fest. I appreciate the dorky sense of humor we all share. Denise looked beautiful, healthy and carries an even stronger sense of self. Her journey has given her a new wisdom that is tangible and she is more yummy than ever! We got to share the same sleeping arrangements, so this gave us some very special cuddly moments. I already miss her and love her even more than yesterday.

My parents are worn out from puppy rearing, but having all your children around you always energizes the atmosphere. I catch them smiling for no reason and see that proud parent look in their eyes. Every "Remember when..." story is still fun to recall and gets the same laughs. Memory treasures, each and every one.

We ate, shopped and watched movies, talked late into the night hours and woke to the excitement of a full house...

There is nothing like sharing family time all under one roof and the mingling of tears, laughter and good memories, to solidify the reasons why we love each other so much.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

getting on the gluten free bus

It was very difficult being a gluten free girl in the big city. However, because my lil sis is already a professional at eating this way, she has given me her wise advice. I have been spending all of my spare time at glutenfree.com

If you want to lose weight, switch over to this diet. It is similar to the protein diet, but a little more healthy. Right now I am not allowed to eat raw veggies, that makes it very difficult, but soon enough, I will be able to add them too. My intestines are in bad shape, every little thing I digest has become a major issue. Another bit of advice...chew your food more than your usual chewing time. This makes a huge difference for your body. It even increases nutrient absorption...who knew?

So, I'm not feeling strong yet and the need to rest is still a priority. Denise is arriving today at mom and daddy's and I get to see her tomorrow and Friday. I can't wait to hold her in my arms and give her a big smooch.

I'll take plenty of pictures :)

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

organizing the baggage

I have never been into "Spring" cleaning. The tail end of Summer and Fall are one of the best times of year for me physically. I feel energized by the cooler weather and the change of season gives me that impulse to organize. I'm ready to purge, clean out my closets and drawers, go through my craft goods and downsize. I love to save everything and can be accused of being a clutter bug, but I eventually disconnect with stuff and feel ready to get rid of what is no longer useful.

Going to camp was fabulous. The main speaker was an artist, a potter by trade and she threw clay on a wheel, turning it into beautiful treasures right before our eyes. Her theme was based on how our circumstances mold and shape our lives. Every trial is used to trim a little here, smooth out a little there and the fact that all of us have to 'go through the fire' before we can be made complete. I shared many of my own trials by fire on Saturday, it went well and was over in a flash. I will never forget the visuals that went along with all of the lessons I learned this weekend.

Now, I just need another day or two to rest, get ready for yet another upper Gastric-Intestinal test tomorrow morning (blah!) and then look forward to San Francisco on Sunday with my daughter. Oh....and my sister Denise is coming out on the 10th! I'll get to actually see, feel and smell her for 4 entire days...prime cuddle time :) and probably a trip to Murphy's for shopping. We're all gathering together to welcome Callie puppy into our family, she has yet to experience the excitement that accompanies all of us girls getting together...good talks, lots of eating and major giggle fests.

The picture came from Sacramento Airport. It's what an artist did with all of the unclaimed baggage, a tower of suit cases and trunks...I've always wondered what was found inside.

What would you leave behind?