Thursday, February 28, 2008

in the back of Momma's closet...

I think my obsession for them started very early in life. My parents were young when I was born and couples still do a lot of socializing in their twenties. When it was appropriate, I was brought along. It was the 60's and everyone seemed carefree and cool with their teased hair, cigarettes and high heels...pumps my generation called them, now they are stilettos. A really good shoe style remains fabulous whatever their name or decade and I enjoyed sitting there sipping my Shirley Temple and oogling all the ladies shoes.

My mother's high heels were magical to me, 3 pairs stick out in my memory the most. There was the predictable steady classic black ones, but my mothers were special and made of smooth velvet. The curve at the top dipped ever so promiscuously, showing what we will call 'toe cleavage' and they were decorated with two thin strips of braided black satin that swept across the top of your foot from one corner to the other. Inside, they were silver and this fascinated me because I understood that once the shoes were on, no one knew except you, that your feet were wrapped in much more than fine material.

The second pair were Kelly Green. My mothers favorite color is green and I always wondered if that was why she had them. The first time I saw them on her feet, I thought that nothing else could be more beautiful. She was all dressed up to go out, she sat down, crossed her legs and your eyes had to go straight to those green shoes. Mom made her statement.

The last pair were so extravagant all covered with a specially made silver glitter. They felt scratchy if your feet accidentally rubbed while you walked. Were they dancing shoes?... or perhaps for a close friends wedding? I pictured her dancing in them and catching the lights with her steps.

What mom was told more recently, was that I used to play with them all the time when she was gone. My favorites were the black ones by far. I was too young to understand that they were very sexy shoes, for that time, but I do remember how they made me feel when I had them on.

So, that is when the shoe bug bit me and they transformed from being useful and practical, into something that I invested my feelings into. I sure wished mom still had those black high heals...I think we could both use a night or two out wearing them.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I'd much rather focus on what is beautiful...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

One day at a ...

This has been me for the last few days...pale, the right side of my face swollen and drooping from day 2 of a migraine and I acknowledge that the lupus pain levels are pretty high. I'm all shut in, my curtains drawn, dark family room and the TV is turned way down low. I'm thinking all sorts of things right about now, midway through this flare. Things like:
*grateful to have spent Friday with Mark, but resenting the price my body has to pay for it
*the heavy loneliness that tries to consume me...I hold it at bay (my arms get so tired)
*I completely understand why some people end up dependent on all sorts of chemical substances, but also know that that is just not for me
*I quietly cry and feel a little sorry for myself
*I think about women who are healthy and can work, or can just do normal things without the concern of knowing you will end up sick for days
*I often think of Karma and rack my brain trying to figure out what I did that was so wrong
*I also have this conversation with God
*I end this pity party and begin to pray, meditate and use visualization for pain relief
*I ponder the wonderful good things in my life right now
and then I gently remind myself...
to just live out One Day at a Time.
I'll do my best to keep my attitude in a healthy constructive manner, apologize for the grumpies and muster up more hope for tomorrow.
Oh...and by this time, I've received hundreds of puppy breath kisses.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Shopping with the Birthday Boy

Friday afternoon, Mark and I carved out some time together to go shopping. He just celebrated his 26th birthday and likes to actually go shopping with me, any chance to spend some extra time together. He is very frugal, so I have to spoil him every now and then with a new pair of Ray Ban sunglasses and a comfy pair of cool 'nice clothes' shoes. We always enjoy each other and I feel so blessed to be this young mans mother. He wore me out with his newly healed energy.
He does the driving, picks the music, fills my car with the scent of his cologne and we spend quite a bit of time analyzing the plots of our favorite TV shows. I often wonder if the awe that washes over my spirit, whenever I see him, will eventually wear off. Somehow I don't think it ever will. The gratitude of his spared life runs deep through my veins. What a lovely day I had with him.
~*~struck by gratitude~*~
thoughts of you spark into my ordinary days
and quickly I am transformed in attitude
these moments, not spent in any other way
but with every raw emotion I conclude,
that life is altered when it's struck by gratitude

Friday, February 22, 2008

Visual Information

I can tell just by looking in your
when your soul yearns to understand
the story of your heart
that long overdue soaring
of yesterdays
sunshine above the clouds
now you don't want to close
wasting useful minutes that hold
such great accomplishments
but that same clock keeps ticking
old history
tucked away in musty drawers
no chance to ask for different
living someone elses fate
moments not falling into place
so today belongs to you alone
new visions
wonders still left to be seen

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

all puppies are not created equal...except for cuteness

and what I mean is, most of the dogs I've had in my life have been somewhat mellow, easy going and simple to discipline...not this puppy! He (Baxter) has a very strong personality, is a complete clown and always makes me laugh. He's quite entertaining.

His other side is extremely loving, all cuddle buggish with so much adoration in his eyes when he looks up at me. If I leave for any amount of time, you know that royal "where have you been all my life!" treatment? Well, I get that when I simply just open the door and come out of the bathroom. He insists on constant physical touching, as light as a teeny paw on my arm, or as blatant as laying across my neck and sticking his nose in my ear...which tickles like crazy and usually turns into a kissing feast. How can something that weighs only 2 pounds have such a profound effect on ones life?

Animals are a gift
to us humans
that is both
mystifying and generous

Friday, February 15, 2008

one extremely romantic thing

We had dinner reservations at one of our "least" visited favorite restaurants, least because it is on the fancy expensive side, but Tuesday night I had an unexpectedly rare seizure. It left me weak and physically vulnerable, so we decided to rain check dinner out and eat at home. Which is fine, but girls look forward to being "courted" even after many years of marriage.
right girls?

Well, one fire burning toastily and a yummy consumed homemade dinner husband turned the evening into a "Valentine" to remember kind of moment. He broke out a bag of marshmallows and began roasting them (pretend we're camping under the evening stars) way and... one mellow at a time, we each consumed three.
Here is the romantic part...I love roasted marshmallows, but they have to be done a certain way, the loooong sloooow (gooey melted on the inside, evenly brown almost burnt, but not, on the outside) kind of way. It takes much longer to cook and requires an extended sit, directly in front of the fire and a lot of patience. My husband practically lights his mellows on fire to get it over and done with as quick as possible. He is not the most patient of men. First of all, the fact that he even knows how I like my mellows cooked is pretty darn romantic enough for me, but...that he took the time to roast each one to yummy confection perfection was extremely romantic...and little does he know, it is something that made the evening a, remember forever memory making kind of moment, for me.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

valentine word tree

Happy Valentines Day Honey

At least Once a week I ponder all that you have accomplished
and I feel so proud to have watched you grow into the man
that you are today, instead of the boy that I married.
Once a week I Honor you in my heart

Twice a week I meditate for your prosperity.
Emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I imagine you right at the top of the world shouting that you
love your job and are right were you want to be.
Twice a week I set time aside just to pray for you, my husband.

Three times a week we discuss our grown adult children.
I ponder your deep love and loyal devotion to them.
I take those moments to feel pride in our parenting team.
Three times a week I feel grateful for such an active partner.

Four times a week I sneak a glance or two over at you and think,
"That good looking hot hunk of a man belongs to me.
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world and when you look back at me...
Four times a week my knees go weak when you hold me.

Five times a week I ask you how your day went,
and this begins our one hour dinner talk.
I learn so much from you and appreciate that you learn from me also.
Five times a week I look forward to those special conversations.

Six times a week I truly thank God that you love to cook.
I appreciate that burden you gladly carry for me
and joyfully, creatively and deliciously revel in your provided nourishment.
Six times a week, together, we are learning healthy eating for life.

Seven times a week my love grows deeper and deeper for you.
I never imagined that love encompassed so much territory.
It is our love for each other that has brought us through some very tough times.
Seven times a week, I know that I can count on you and the trust I have
in you means
the world to me.
This only love of my life~on this Earth~brings me Heaven.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

simple prayer

hey God

it's me again

and I know I can be a pest


but there are

some very important people

to me

down here

on Earth

that need some

special attention

right now

my sister and brother

want a baby

with all their heart

and I can't think

of any two people

who deserve it more

than they do

and my best friends


is sick

and her entire family

is scared

but she

is really


there are other things

smaller things

and I know

that You already


what they are...

but these first 2 things God

are really important

really really


so, Sir

please Father

Almighty God

give them a



thank you...amen

(blogger links are broken right now...



meet baxter...aka

Baxter Binx Bentley Boo

He is the newest member of our family.

I love mini Chahuahua's and was ready for another.
Our Queen Chi is 9 years old and ready for a playmate.

He is a lover boy. Lots of snuggling and adoration in his eyes.
He will probably reach up to 4 pounds as an adult...pretty small guy.

I feel like I just received a gift from above
and you'll be seeing lots of pictures about him
in the next few weeks.
"Say goodbye Baxter...rufffff"

Sunday, February 10, 2008

blow ye wind blow

when the wind blows
with cold winter gusts
we call it a storm
and bear it we must

but just for a moment
in your time of need
remember the wind chime
that's playing on key

the storms in our lives
may cast the night long
but our spirits are listening
for that special song

that will remain silent
unless the storm blows
find peace in your trial
and the song that's transposed

Thursday, February 07, 2008

my tiffany lamp

I absolutely love tiffany lamps. Everyone should have at least one, big or small,
it really makes no difference. They are magical and add whimsy to any room. I imagine that when I am much older than will find me living with way too many of these lamps than any room deserves :) Tell me about yours...

You can also visit me at:
A Poetry Dreamers Blog

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Ivy friendship

Friendship crawls beneath my fence
in the form of Ivy green
most would say, "This is nonsense,
or maybe even just routine."

But, this plant has traveled far
pushing through the rock hard ground
all the way to my backyard
from my friend who's two doors down.

With it comes a sacred message,
"Through the soil you may feel shoved,
but just like this stubborn foliage
I'm reaching out to say,'You're loved'"

(Take a quick peek at my poetry and dreams blog.
I'm going to use this to open up discussions about
what the poetry, or dreamd has said to you. This is
an OPEN comment're opinion is greatly

Visit me here :) or in my side bar. I love discussing poetry and the interpritation of dreams

Thanks ~ have a great day! :)