Friday, May 30, 2008

Baxter & Ellie

All Ears

God gave humans
the gift of precious animals
on loan
to keep us going
make us smile
and laugh
to give us tangible love
all day long
no matter what

if you don't have a pet
and you don't feel well
get one
because they know just what to do
right when you need it
all day
every day

how can I cry
when these two are here
to lovingly kiss away
each tear
that never seem to make it
to the ground

+++++++(Baxter just pressed this key on
see what I mean?

Monday, May 26, 2008


Sorry for my absence, I have been sick and my brain has been mush.

Mushy brains do not function well...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I found this while rummaging through a junk drawer. You've gotta love those spontaneous memories that result from going to the mall with your kids. This is a huge button that Ang and I had made for daddy J many many moons ago. He loved it and had it on his desk at work for the longest time. It feels like we did this a lifetime ago...ah, good times :)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

picture this...

We have a large planters picture box outside of our dinette kitchen area, which currently has marigolds in it...and a bit of something else? This is my husbands project, so I, cool and dry from inside the air conditioned window and he, hot and sweaty outside in his farmers hat, have this conversation...

tap tap tap on the window...
"Honey, we have weeds growing with the marigolds?"
"They're not's lettuce."
"Why did you plant lettuce with the flowers, when we have a perfectly large garden?"
"I'm using it for starters."
"Why there?"
"Because the marigolds will keep the lettuce safe."
"Safe from who?"
"Them!" as he points to the garden.

Evidently, we have starter stealer's(lettuce eating bugs)in our garden that are intimidated by adult sized lettuce, but have no problem consuming it in infant form. Marigolds have a potent smell that most bugs don't enjoy, so they stay clear of them. Therefore, creating a safe and pesticide free zone for starters. Ingenious...

...and I thought he was suffering from sun stroke.

Monday, May 19, 2008

the best kind of love

One of my favorite things is to be alert and capture a moment in time. Notice that something rare and special just passed between you and another. Recognize it for what it is, unrehearsed, spontaneous and a gift. Hold onto it, tuck it away and later on let it roam the halls of your mind. I had some of those this weekend...

Sissy made this face, one that I am so familiar with and it was the most striking image of her Grandma Kay. (God rest her soul) I told her so and she said, "You mean when I do thiiiiisss?" And she contorted her face, to which I responded, "No, the pretty one." I can feel Kay's presence in the room when this happens and get a strong sense of security that we are all still connected and it comforts me. I briefly closed my eyes to give it a moment to sink in.

My daughter stopped me in my tracks with this serious stare she gave me from across the dinner table at the restaurant. "Mom, you are really a beautiful woman." She said it very plain and simple, but I could tell that she had been really paying attention to other woman in her life and had done some mental comparing. I blushed at her tone of intent.

In the kitchen tonight I was observing my husband putting away the loose ends. He looked so handsome standing there, so sweet to be helping us girls clean the kitchen. He looked over at me with an intense look of admiration. "Are you really happy honey?" I asked. "Extremely" he replied and then gave me a gentle hug and kissed my face...I love having him to love.

I phoned my girlfriend Angela at the end of the weekend, checking in to see how her hellish week with Charley's battle with Cancer was going. She sounded happy to hear my voice and I was thrilled to hear hers. "Next week, let's try to carve out some "we" time...just a little." I stated. She then said, "Oh yes, I miss you too!" Even though the subject matter was glum, our voices weren't because our friendship is just as alive and thriving as Charlie is. In our hearts, we know that he will beat this and soon we'll have a party to celebrate it. I love having such a yummy frister in her.

So you see...I had a very relaxing weekend filled with the best kind of love, the unconditional kind.

Friday, May 16, 2008

this girl

is anticipating the arrival of her daughter, who just happens to be coming home for an extra unexpected weekend. We already know that we want Sushi for dinner, a really good chick flick and just maybe some shopping for summer pj's.

I can easily predict a few giggles, some cuddling and huge salads with everything you could possibly think of on them. She eats like a rabbit, nibbling various veggies all day long and a trip to Starbucks is in the stars. Jamba Juice will get a visit too and we can't forget those puppy kisses. The only yucky part is that these weekends seem to pass way too soon and before you know it, she is driving away again. *sigh*...

more importantly, this girl is one happy momma :)

Thursday, May 15, 2008

a box full of life...

I had a recent experience that is very precious to me. I am purging and downsizing my studio, something very hard for me to do. But, I feel so strongly about this. I am taking small units at a time to make sure that I don't get stuck into 'overwhelming mode' and then feel like I need a vacation from cleaning. I had three bulging bags of material, scraps, remnants mostly and chose a sturdy medium sized box to become the new storage container. I decided that after that box was filled everything else had to go, so my choices needed to be wise. I do all sorts of things with material, so the smallest scrap is still something I consider useful. Sewing is one of my passions and when I was a new momma, I took pride in making my babies homemade clothes and holiday dresses. (This was something my children stopped loving by about 5th grade...I know you sewing mom's and dad's can relate ;D)

As I went through the bags, I came across every remnant of fabric I ever sewed. My sons and daughters baby clothes, many staples like, bathrobes, shorts for Mark and dresses for Angela. The loads of pillows I have made throughout the years. Pajama's for the neighbor kids and my sisters. Curtains that I loved to often change. Stuffed Teddy Bears, Easter Bunnies and Doll clothes. And all the many matching skirts and dresses I created for Angela and I.
As I touched each piece of fabric and noted it's colors while cutting most of it into more manageable pieces, I remembered a tradition...I used to make a big deal about going to the material shop with the kids and allowing them to pick out their own materials. I enjoyed the lessons they would learn by seeing a big bolt of material turn into something useful with a little hard work.
Their choices said a lot about them at that time. Mark choosing bright wacky colors for board shorts and Angela with her pink and purple flowers. One dress I made her called for a white apron to tie around her waste...very Holly Hobbie at the time. She named her dresses and that one became her cooking dress which would get worn as much as possible.
Today's project took me all afternoon and was very emotional, as I shed a lot of reminiscent tears. I filled the box, gave the rest to good will, or the garbage and then labeled it, "a box full of life" rather than "material" in its designated spot on the shelf. My fingers held a lot of history today, my private life's history and my mind is already reeling with idea's to turn those scraps into keepsakes for my two children.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

fresh flames ~ SPC

Passion, in the form of a belief, is worth an
investment of your time and effort. A dream,
that desire that burns so strongly in your soul,
will often become a struggle for your mind.
You will face doubt head on and be expected
to make a choice, to believe or not believe.
You will question your ability every time
a dream is revealed, regardless of how your
heart sang at it's conception. But, I think
of the marriage that seemed hopeless by all
circumstances and the burning truth that
keeps probing the mind, "Remember the
day you fell in love..." and fresh endurance
is renewed. It takes just one spark, one word
of encouragement, one step and the
dream unfolded is ablaze with prosperity.

Monday, May 12, 2008


taken by boho girl-Angela & Kelly

Our daughters turn into women, begin rearranging their priorities and spend their time away from home growing and learning how to fly. They fly rather well, because we were the lesson givers and by this time, each lesson carries within it the wisdom of 4 generations.

Angela was 10 pounds and 2 ounces. That told me something that I didn't quite get until a little while ago. She was born ready to go. Ahead in everything, according to the doctor's, Angela skipped over the newborn part and wanted to begin learning as soon as possible.

Her pink little tiny hand rested in mine and she would say, "Go momma, go!" So we went...and learned and went and learned some more...she was learning to fly. When the lessons were over, she packed her bags and headed to the other side of the world.

"Sometimes I regret letting you fly." words from a song sung by Ingrid Michaelson, "Highway."

Our children... flesh and bone come from us, personalities from themselves and their spirit...the Creator.

And, they were born to fly.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

all Mother's day

To every woman who has been a mom,
and every man who has mothered those in need
I honor you this day.
To all the people who desire to become Mommas,
and all the couples who are trying to increase
the love they share in their home, may the rest of this year be especially prosperous to you.
We lift up every Mother on this very special day because we admit that without you we are nothing.
In this house, we gather all the Mom's together, we feed and pamper them. We open presents and fill our cards with sentiments, saying things that should be said all year long.
I hope this day is spent by either you honoring the mom's in your life, or the family you have raised, honors you.
Special times spent with special people creating memories to last a lifetime.
Happy Mother's Day :)

Thursday, May 08, 2008

The Big Bully

Cnn just reported that Blogging creates Bridges that bring Our World Together!!!

Mark needed you, I needed you and you were there for me...if YOU had not sent me the support that you did, I would have crumbled under the intense pressure that the grip of Death inflicts on people.

My Best Friend Angela is going through the worst part of the battle right now with her Husband fighting the last few bullies of Cancer. He is a fighter, but the Bully doesn't play Fair!!!

Please Please visit her site and leave her a comment like you left me when Mark was struggling to stay alive. I came home from the Hospital every single day and Survived off of your loving and supportive comments. Angela is one of those people who doesn't like to ASK for help, so I am ASKING.

You can go --->HERE<--- and lift Charlie up in prayer, light a candle for him, do whatever it is YOU do to include yourselves on yet another miracle across this BIG Beautiful World of OURS!

I whole heartily believe that MARK is alive today because of you!

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

not just one

It is so comforting to know that we were never
meant to be ourselves without friends,
family, or soul mates. Then, if there were big eyes
looking down, they would only see us. There would
be no reason to laugh or cry and be understood.
Each day would feel so long and we wouldn't sing
or find ourselves being inspired. Everything would
be about us and that just makes being selfish too
easy. Instead we have others to mentor us and
people we have to be good examples for. We
hear more than our own voice for advice and
encouragement. Now we become singers and
teachers, artists and lovers because they are
there and we learn to share. Yes, it is a comfort
knowing that we have friends, family and
soul mates to give our lives to.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

fresh old lace ~ SPC

How is it possible to feel so fragile, while inside the
roaring lion is ready to pounce, this will always
remain a mystery to me. To wear lace in those
paling shades of pink and white, only to be colored
in red on the inside. Oh, to peel back the layers in a
constant motion revealing each moment the
material faded over and over. I can feel the twist
when the rag is wrung tight and the color runs
swiftly back into the ground. I would rather be
that bright dye that will travel, than be the
colorless cloth that remains. Forever I will forge
contentment as the lace with its delicate holes
and designs. Fresh and clean, wispy and worn soft,
treasured and saved, used and past down
time and time again.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

how are you?

Well, I'm okay. San Fran really took a lot out of me and it seems like it's taking forever to get back on my feet. Our new couches came in and they are just lovely. When you order furniture that requires choosing a fabric it is done by looking at these 12 inch pattern swatches, you really have to use your imagination. Then it takes up to 8 weeks for them to finally arrive and most of the time you've forgotten what you ordered in the first place. So, you are either in for a nice surprise, or an (OMG) what have I done! So, things are looking different in my favorite living space and now I want new curtains and I think my red wall needs to be a different shade...Oi
Good news about Mark...he finished his hardest class for the respiratory therapy program with a flying A and the professor asked him to be a student teacher for the following semesters. It is a paid position and very good for the ego *smile* [Mark, if you are reading this, I have bragging rights for birthing you] *bigger smile* Oh...and since he is taking all of these medical classes, he is realizing just how serious his injuries were. It has been an emotional learning experience for him.
My Pastor and his wife have retired, moved to the opposite side of California and now there is this huge emptiness in my heart. I don't think I allowed myself to accept their departure until after it happened. Then it came crashing down in shreds of pieces. I just got off the phone with Mrs. Pastor (Wanda Mom) and didn't let myslf cry until we hung up. She sounds SO happy and peaceful I just couldn't ruin it with my sobs. I can't believe how selfish I feel about them, it's embarrassing and immature. Their children are very blessed to have two such precious people now permanently in their lives. I am green with envy. So, are you?

Friday, May 02, 2008


If we close our hearts too tightly we end up
avoiding important emotions and risk not
learning the answers to our questions. I think
we receive many answers when we actively
experience life and it always needs more exploration.
Seeking gathers our questions and encourages childlike
behaviors, such as innocence and trustfulness. Life is
so much more than just the living is our candid
participation in the explanations that we give.
Open hearts that seek get life's answers through experience.
I am open.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

the watchman

Waiting in my bed at night, long after Sissy was asleep, I would open up the curtains and lay on my belly while looking at the flag that graced this tower. A beam of light was shinning straight on and the wind gave it an undulating rhythm. The hour was late, yet many perfect squares remained lit regardless that the sun had set long ago. I thought of my weary body that ached all over wanting to find solace in sleep, but some of those perfect squares in my mind were still lit, not yet ready to call it a day.
Such a big city spread out wide around this massive cove that inhabited so many different kinds of people and such a small flag of three simple colors raised up high like a watchman guarding the territory. I began to feel lonely laying next to this big tower, the wide ocean full of ports and then miles and miles of deep salt water. The many streets that made up this giant city with houses in every nook and cranny, roofs covering the rich and poor alike. And that same flag quietly waved a lullaby of freedom and liberty for all.
One by one another small perfect square doused its light and my eyelids started getting heavy. I felt weak in body, but said a very deliberate prayer over that mass of land with all its inhabitants. Who am I but one voice against these skyscraper's, huge ships and well dressed people that are solving problems in some office with their own perfect square of light? I hung my head feeling that I am just one, just one of me. And as I reached for the curtains, one on each side with my body making the sudden sign of a cross, the light at the top of tower actually looked a little brighter, as all the perfect square windows were slowly darkening. "In God We Trust" I whispered to the city, "In God We Put Our Trust."