Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
"Bird of Armor"
Made of metal not able to fly
wings carved from this clump of heavy substance
hewn into the shape of something meant to soar
some cruel joke that has no understanding
standing very still waiting for the burst of wind
that is big enough to lift this load
into the sky and far away
where other birds are made by something
bigger than man
Friday, July 28, 2006
"Music from the Bloom Box"
Sometimes a few of us feel at least a little bit special. Some feel that we learn, change and grow everyday. Most of us have some kind of hope for our futures and would like to think that our later years will be filled with wisdom. But, let's get back to today and how you feel right now about yourself......Are you intriguing? Do you feel compelling? How about forceful or exotic?
My goal today is to explore the meanings behind these 4 words. I chose them randomly because they are words that I like to let roll off my tongue and I find them mysterious and want them to become a part of me...........lets dig deeper, word by word.....
As I typed each word I thought, "I want to be that! And that one too!" Each new description, though a part of another word, was still a special word all of it's own. Are you one of these, or all of them? Do you relate more to just part of the definition and not the word as a whole? For instance, some of us may feel strong, but not impressive. We may feel peculiar, but not marvelous. But....lets pretend that we must accept every part of the word and it's definition. If you are interesting, then you are captivating also. If you are sound, then you are also powerful.
Imagine yourself as ALL of these words...everyone....today....right now!
When I read these words, I think of many of you. I think of your shared stories and the brave souls that are bared on a daily basis. I think of the expressed pain and your scared toes that test the waters and then dive in.
These words are you.....Say what you are out loud...."I am fascinating....."
Bloom today. Take off the lid and sing to yourself about you and how truly intriguing, compelling, forceful and exotic you really are, and use the entire definition.
You deserve it
You deserve to Bloom
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
"Pictures" to go... with the story below...
Monday, July 24, 2006
Love Carved in Clay
My cel rings and there is a squeal of excitement as I inform her that I am just down the street from her apartment. I look in the rear view mirror to check my lipstick and I am smiling....suddenly the more important reflection. I ring the doorbell and I hear that same voice loudly sing-song, "Mommy!..." as she swings wide the door and we embrace. I bury my face in her long hair and take a deep breath. She smells that same sweet, bubble gum sort of way and my heart is home. My mind automatically flashes back to the million times I have inhaled that smell, her smell, that is so much like mine, yet owned by her. She immediately starts informing me of all that is relevant in her life as she packs a quick bag for the weekend. She is an expert at packing, all swift hands and mindless actions, and little does she know, that the sound of her voice briefly fades as I momentarily mourn the fact that she has spent a good portion of her childhood packing overnight bags for days that she had to spend away from me. Her mouth is still moving, but the voice is silenced as my noisy brain tries to focus back to right now, instead of long ago yesterday's. I begin to assess her physically.......she has lost some weight (I hope she's eating enough) she's very tan (she must not be using sunscreen) she looks tired (too much going out with friends). I'm such a Mom.
We did what most girls like to do best. We shopped, ate out, watched movies, ate ice cream and cheese cake, and then we slept in. I had made her some jewelry and here she is deciding which one was her favorite, she had a hard time deciding. I never have a hard time deciding what to make for her because I want to give her everything. Only common sense keeps me from doing this, but it is an impulse I have to restrain.
We went to "The Cheesecake Factory" for dinner. Everyone was there...who wanted to cook in this weather? While waiting, I stared at people, their clothes, shoes, hair styles and my daughter watches me stare. Usually she elbows me and tells me to stop it, but I think she has now inherited this behavior. We stared at each other staring at other's (?) Our server was kind enough to take our picture amongst all of the chaos. Sissy looks beautiful, I look like I'm showing you that I still have all of my teeth. Actually, I was telling him which button to press, while trying not to move my lips, ventriloquist style :)
We stayed in a hotel, as she only has a twin sized bed we're she is living with 3 other girls. Our room had a small sitting area and a big king bed. We always inspect our space and Ooooo at the miniature bottles of shampoo, conditioner, soaps and lotion. We always do this ritual no matter how many times we have taken a trip together. Do all woman do this? Do we all just adore miniature versions of cheap cleansing products?..... We strip the bed of the top spread because we think it's gross and we move in. I organize my stuff (like the neurotic firstborn that I am) and she turns on the TV to look for something fun to watch (like 'the baby' of the family she is).
When our day is done, we have brushed and washed, turned out the lights and gotten into bed....we snuggle....the only way moma's and daughter's know how. We spoon and I am drenched in her aroma and feeling her warm, grown up body right next to mine. My little girl is inside this woman, same eyes, same heart, same love, just.....bigger...everything.
I hate leaving. We hold each other so tight sometimes....it hurts. She has a job, a home and a life, and so do I. We played in suspended time for a couple of days, slightly reverting back, remembering roles that are still very significant, but different now. I tell her she is still my baby and she looks deeply into my eyes and says, "forever." But I see the woman before me and I know that she will never be that baby again.....and I wouldn't want her to. She is carved out into the planes of my heart as if it were made of clay. One day, long ago, it was, but she came along and the warmth of her shining healed and renewed.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
A slice of paradise
I am taking a little 2 & 1/2 day trip to spend some time with my 22 yr. old daughter. She lives a couple of hours away from me. All of my trips begin here.....ordering my favorite Starbucks drink....Blackberry Green Tea Frappichino...Mmmmmmm.
And of course....I'll be driving around with that natural "pissed off" look I get on my face without even trying. But, inside I'm really thinking......I can't wait to smell my daughter, nuzzle my face into her neck (*she'll giggle* and I'll love hearing that sound :) Then I'll hold her really tight and she'll have to peel me off of her and probably say, "Moma, you just saw me 2 weeks ago!" And I'll relent, but also know that in a little while she'll want more cuddles :)
We're going t do the things that we do best.......shop, eat, cuddle, laugh, maybe some tears, giggle, sleep and then more shopping. I'll miss you all and will be taking pictures of my weekend. I'm going to leave you with a better picture of myself...one that expresses more of how I feel inside right now. Love to you all and have a wonderful weekend!
Friday, July 21, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
"Poetry Thursday is Wild with an E"
Those who know me well are smiling right now and asking, "Where are the 100 other pairs you own?"
I love and can't resist shoes of all kinds. I have other fetishes, but shoes have got to be right up there with books. Believe it or not, this isn't some Barbie Doll characteristic of mine, or an obsessive compulsive disorder, but a retaliation to a comment that was made to a very young, naive, 22 yr old, me. ~ Someone that I trusted and thought loved me, told me that I had ugly toes. My breasts were too small for the size of my butt, I needed to be skinnier for certain clothes and he really liked blonde hair and I had dark brown. I was plagued with these utterances for 10 years and then they were gone. My life moved on, but the echoes still hung around for years. My husband now of 9 years (+ 5 dating yrs= 14) used to catch me with my toes curled under my feet. This was something that I learned to do subconsciously. He would say, "Why do you do that all the time...stop doing that!" I explained the 'ugly toe' syndrome and his response cured me of my foot condition forever...."You have beautiful toes, everything about you is beautiful to me!" Well............... needless to say, the first thing I did was go out and buy the cutest pair of toe showing shoes I could find, gave myself a pedicure and have been showing off my feet ever since. I actually admire my own feet and pay homage to them :)
So, the next time you meet someone, or already know someone with hundreds of shoes.....tell them that their feet look pretty. You never know just who may need to be cured of an old foot disease.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Time in a Bottle
Where does your mind go while you are in the shower? I realize that this is a loaded question and I'm not looking for any off color remarks, but I remember when shower times were like vacations for my brain. As a child, I took a shower with the radio blasting out AM top ten hits, belting out the lyrics at the top of my lungs. The shampoo bottle was my microphone and I danced over the drain thinking that I sounded pretty damn good. As a young mother, shower time was an escape from hectic schedules, endless questions from my children and grading homework. I remember the hot water pounding my skin like a relaxing massage and the drain became the portal where all of my heavy cares melted away. But now, the shower is my nemesis and the drain predicts my future like a fortune teller. Lupus causes random hair loss. Not in everyone, but for me, it is never a good sign. My hands pull away multiple clumps of hair and I have to repeatedly kick away the collections that end up clogging the drain. That means that my body is fighting itself again......and loosing the battle. It means that a flare is coming and I am helpless against it's arrival. So now, shower time is a place I fear and I spend those solitary minutes evaluating the condition of my health rather than singing or relaxing. Did you see the beautiful glass bottle in my picture? Well, it's filled with all the hair that fell out this morning. I wanted to show you the covered drain, but I couldn't bare to take the picture. So now, it's just a matter of time for the hair to leave and the pain to come.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Self Portrait Challenge
You lovelies out there don't even know what a challenge this is for me. Besides the fact that I have a very normal household camera and I am terrible at taking pictures, inside, I hate having my picture taken. My eyes always look too far apart to me and I have a very fair complexion, which always makes me look sick...setting aside the fact that I have Lupus. Mastering the technique of taking pictures of yourself is....interesting to say the least. First of all, I can't get away from the vanity of it all when it comes to ME, not all of you out there! Thank God for that priceless 'DELETE' button, that always feels so good to push and you can usually hear me say, "Eeeewww, Yuck, Sheeesh, or #%&@!" with that feature. But I have learned something about myself...........when I'm not super smiling.........I looked pissed off!
Is this what people see when I'm shopping, walking around, or sitting in the mall to have a gander at other folks? Are they all wondering, what is SHE so mad about? When actually, I'm quite content on the inside and if I'm shopping........I'm in heavenly bliss (especially if I've purchased something on sale:) ~ I also noticed that I get really nervous just as the camera is about to click and I can feel my lips quiver? What's up with that? No one is home but me, I can delete it, and I'm the one taking the picture? Denise tells me it's just the camera. Sweet girl. And although the camera is average, it's not giving me the, "if looks could kill" visage.
I need some advice other than trying black and white (which took me 20 min. to figure out) and my hubs says a new camera is out of the picture (some cheese) for right now. Help!
I'm thinking warm thoughts and feeling lots of love for you all....even if I do look pissed.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Patrisha with a "sh"
I love being a Grandma and it will be awhile before my newly adult children are ready to be parents. So, here is where I want to express my heart. ~ Most of you know that Boho is my lil sister and that I am 10 years her senior. We are very close, bonded together with good times, tragic moments, life's growing pains and oodles of love, my cup runneth over with boho's warm fuzzies. Now I'm going to get serious, putting aside all the deep history we have shared together and reaching into the inner most tender places of my heart.......... I am (crying) inside and out, even as I write this, the subject matter is tender. I have mourned every month that she has not conceived her babe. I keep this from her, for the obvious reasons and I become her piller as she pours out her wounded heart and disappointment. As we talk on the phone, my face gets drenched with tears and I take silent deep breaths to steady my voice. I have never known two people who deserve to be parents more than Den & Carsten. The love they share is magical and rare and they both want to pour this out on some very blessed little one. I am longing to drain my own love into this little life as well. I want to share yet another incredible, life changing experience with my baby sister again......I guess what I'm trying to say is.......I desparately want to be Auntie Art.
Friday, July 14, 2006
This is Cleo....my dark eyed stranger. Yesterday's post needs to be read prior to reading this, to be able to fully appreciate her story. Isn't she a beauty? And an interesting tidbit about her beginnings:
On her first Vet appointment for her puppy shots, I was patiently sitting in the waiting room with Cleo on my lap. She sat there as regal as can be, the perfect puppy that she was. I noticed this "bag lady" wondering around the room and I didn't see any pets with her, like the other animal lovers in the room. She would sit down here and there, whisper something to an owner and move on to the next person. My curiosity deepend, as I watched their faces light up after the bag lady's deliveries. I wriggled in my seat anticipating for her to come and sit by me....and she did! She pet Cleo and said, "What a stubborn streak this one has.....her spirit comes from Egypt, you know." (Wha???????)
Okay....I thought she was saying sweet stuff like, "What a cutie pie...Oh, look at her pretty fur.....this one seems playful." I was not expecting a prophetic message from beyond! I picked the puppy up, turned her around and said, "Wow, her name is Cleopatra, would you like to hold her?" The lady put up her hands, as if she was warding off some ancient curse and said, "No tha-tha-thank you." Then she left............."Wait, lady....should I be concerned?" My mind froze as my eyes darted around the room, looking for some kind of solace from the other pet owners, I got none, just stares.
Cleo wagged her tail and licked my face with uncontrollable kisses. I sat her back down on my lap and looked at her from the corner of my eyes. Considering the drama she caused, just to enter my life, did have me wondering... what kind of canine has an Egytian spirit? I can't tell you that spiritual havoc now reigns in my home, or that strange symbols keep appearing at the bottom of her food bowl, but I can tell you that she is very stubborn and has always been the Queen of this house.
And the "bag lady?"..............I don't even know if she is a real, living, human being. The desk clerks had never seen her before and haven't seen her since. I think she has gone off to other Vet waiting rooms to deliver "pet messages" from the great beyond. Either that, or she's gone off to Hollywood and now stars in a show called, "The Pet Psycic" that airs on the Animal Channel and has become a millionare......what do you think?
In the Heat of the Moment
Thursday, July 13, 2006
On the Inside Safely Looking Out
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Revisiting "Das Boot"
Okay girls.....I'm sorry for re-visiting my broken foot, but this is my current existence and I have to address my feelings. ~ ((I don't feel SEXY!)) Are you surprised? Who designed this ugly contraption anyway? I've actually stepped on my own good foot, while using this 'thing' to try and walk. My husband called me from work today with that sultry sound in his voice, "Come on baby, let's go out to dinner tonight........" Sure, I'll wear my perfect little black dress, dragging "Das Boot" along, while walking like the hunchback of Notre Dame! Nope...it ain't gonna happen. This situation is actually affecting my self-esteem. I have waaaay to many mirrors in my house and they stand as a constant reminder that, although I've tried, I just CAN'T look cute and wear this thing at the same time! I turned down the dinner invitation and now I'm having second thoughts. Maybe... in some warped 'man' kind of way... he l i k e s the new me?
I'm making a phone call, while ironing my dress.......the rest...try to use your imagination...I have to.......
Monday, July 10, 2006
Tea with Strangers
Sunday, July 09, 2006
My Red Wall
I was inspired by Susannah, who was inspired by Laini, to share my red wall. I grew up in a "white wall" family and have mainly "white wall" friends. My lil sis Boho,aka Denise, was the first person to introduce me to "pow" decorating with color. Years ago, we decorated her tiny Texas appartment with her, then favorite color, chartreuse green. We painted end tables, a coat rack and window sills, in 105 degree weather and purchased various chartreuse throw pillows and other items to accent the room. Oh, and lets not forget the stenciling we did here and there with a few random shell shapes. (chartreuse shells?) Anyway, we draped sheer muslin around the windows, tied with rope, and Deni then added her remaining "beachy" treasures to complete the ambiance of her small abode. It all looked fabulous and was one of those "forever" bonding moments for the two of us. We were over-heated and exhausted when we were done, but the pride we felt outranked any physical discomforts. I remember leaving her appartment, as an excuse to return, just so we could open the door and both say, "Oooooo!" Evidently, many of her appartment neighbors were green with envy. (sorry for the corn :)
Flying back home on the plane, I could not erase my plastered smile because we had such enormous fun. However, upon returning to my "white wall" home, while unpacking my chartreuse covered clothes, I thought, "My god! What an obnoxious color!" At that moment, tired from the trip, I had forgot about the giggly green fun, the inspiration and the charming impact of her little haven.
So, now years later, after getting insanly bored of living in a "white wall" house, I decided to go to the extreme and paint a wall red. I was tempted with serene green, mellow yellow and barely blue, but "red" was calling my name. So, against my hubs well expressed opinion, I took the plunge and got the red. Not just any ol' red, a black red, deep and unexcusable. My brush stroked over the wall once. I looked around to see if anyone was watching, even though I was the only one home, and out loud said, "This is going to look like a bloody murder!" I took a deep breath and added more paint, against my shrieking brain, and the color began to speak to me. I started falling in love with it and even relished it's second coat knowing it was only going to look even better.
Now I enthusiastically tell everyone, "You have to come over and see my red wall!" as if it's an exotic expensive treasure that I have purchased, and I've decided....that it is.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
The Girl in the Shadow
On days like today, I would like to be the Girl, but instead I am the Shadow behind the Girl. She is posing ever so close and if you look too quickly, you will miss her. The Shadow is not strong, so the Girl must hold her in place. The Girl understands the Shadow and tries very hard not to move, so that the Shadow can enjoy the dance for as long as she can. It is strenuous and the Girl's family holds their breath, silently knowing her monumental task. The Shadow is very grateful for the Girl, her family, and the dance that is over much too soon.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Cute Shoe Season
What's wrong with this picture? Yes, these are my feet and both pairs of shoes are my latest purchase. The shoe on the left is from JJill (one of my favorite stores) and the shoe on the right came from the hospital :(
I broke my foot....well, actually, my husband jumped down from a ladder and landed on my foot, which then broke ! Ouch! So, I must wear this "Darth Vader" "Franken Foot" "Robo Leg" shoe for 6 long weeks :#
The thing that I must confess...is that when the doctor told me this....I winced inside and said, "But that's the entire 'cute shoe' season!" These words just tumbled, unfiltered, out of my mouth...(a 'Carrie moment' from Sex in the City) and the very Earthy Doctor looked at me with a blank expression, which emulated what she thought my brain was, and just handed me the boot.
To add some misery to this situation...this happened just 4 days before my daughter's college graduation party, hosted by me, and about 65 people were coming to my house! We had about 7 different renovation projects that needed closure and I do most of the work. So, needless to say, the hubs took a few days off from his job.
I'm really not anything like Carrie, except for the fact that I do LOVE shoes. This boot has a huge wedge on the bottom, thus I am usually walking on my tipee toes with the other foot all for the sake of the "cute shoe season."
Seeing all of this in writing has left me feeling like a Carrie. Oh well.........
The one GOOD thing is that I have to sit here and have loads of bloggie visiting time AND....I get to play with beads and wire, my drafting book and really listen to the words of all my favorite music.
All of you have a great weekend....and try to avoid being around husbands on ladders :)
Thursday, July 06, 2006
A Journey in Poetry
When I read poetry, I do not consider it a layed back activity that I can do with theTV on, or randomly allow my eyes to scan the pages, looking for what I think is the "right poem." I have to take my time and digest the words and phrases. Ponder the shape and go on a journey with the author. I can never read a poem just once. I let each word soak into the layers of my brain and begin to formulate questions that I wish could be answered by it's source. I take a walk through the lines; under, inbetween and inside. The ultimate poetry books I love are the ones that share and explain the writing process of the author's experience that lead to the subject matter in the first place. So poetry, to me, is a journey....a walk in someone elses shoes.
Our lives are filled with ghosts
To people we have loved
Their shadows reappear
When memory breathes life into them
Shades of our parents
Impressions of old lovers
We paint anew
On the faces of strangers and friends
That enter our lives
They visit us again and again
Until we learn
What they have come to teach us
And we master the puzzle that
We are partners in
We wrestle with our ghosts
Until we put them to sleep
By listening to them at last
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Count down to Start up
I borrowed this borrowed meme for a good warm up
Favorite season~ spring
Favorite color~ green
Favorite time~ very late at night when everyone is sleeping
Favorite food~ cottage cheese with honey and cinn. with walnuts and bananas on top
Favorite drink~ hot tazo chai tea in the morning with evaporated milk (Boho's recipie :)
Favorite ice cream~ jamocha almond fudge
Favorite place~ my studio
Favorite sport~ hands down...Basketball! (seanson ticket holder)
Favorite actor~ Johnny Depp
Favorite actress~ Audrey Hepburn
Current feeling~ tired from yesterdays celebrating
Current drink~ Tazo Chai...la la la
Current time~ 8:27 am pacific time
Current show on TV~ CNN- I'm curious about the missile stuff....boo
Current mobile used~ verison- big big family plan
Current windows open~ blogger help........help!
Current underwear~ blk jocky (I don't like you picturing me in my underwear...see...stop that!)
Current clothes~ the biggest T-shirt ever....that's all
Curent thought~ my dog is eating like a piggy- sounds included
First nickname~ lil' stinker (given to me by my Titia)
First kiss~ 7th grade- a boy named Alex- he stuck his tongue in my mouth and I screamed- I thought it was the grosseset thing ever and I would never kiss again....wrong
First crush~ 5th grade- Mike Dewey- he pushed me out of a treehouse....hey! that was true love
First best friend~ 5 years old- Brageta- we ate raw veggies in her back yard garden...she died a year later and I always thought it was those darn veggies
First vehicle I drove~ my Dad's HUGE truck- scared the crap out of me
First job~ tons of babysitting
First date~ 16 yrs old- the original "Superman" movie
First pet~ those goldfish you won at the fair....they ALWAYS died....tramatic
Last drink~ my yummy tazo chai that I have to re-heat now
Last kiss~ this morning- hubs off to work
Last meal~ last night's BBQ- yum
Last website visited~ my lil sis Boho- she means everything to me
Last movie watched~ "The Wizard of Oz" - on the classic movie channel- I'm an old soul
Last phone call~ first thing this morning...the doctors office saying there was a missed appt....oops!
Last TV Show wathed~ none...summer is channel surfing time
6 Have you evers
Have you ever broken the law~ yes
Have you ever been drunk~ once....that was all it took
Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know~ never
Have you ever been close to gun fire~ no
Have you ever skinny dipped~ yes, and my parents caught us...luckily it was just a bunch of girlfriends...this time...whew
Have you ever broken anyones heart~ yes...and I received a few in return...kharma
5 things you can hear right now~ clock ticking, dog snoring, refrigerator, birdies, wind chimes
5 things on your bed~ pillow, pillow, pillow, sheet, blanket....hey...I sleep with 5 items....ooo visions of a Sesame Street scene
5 things you ate today~ I haven't eaten yet
5 things you can't live without~ my family, my dog, music, books & creative thinkng
5 things you do when you get bored~ Starbucks and any book store
4 places you have been today
3 things on your desk right now
Just 3? too confusing to pick
Black or White~ white
Hot or Cold~ hot drinks and cold nights
1 place you want to visit
Europe- to see everything that my daughter did when she schooled there (which would include my lil sis and visiting Susannah!)
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Who am I?
Take my hand and I'll take yours
walking, talking, young and old
sharing life and all we know
laughing, crying as we grow.
Past and present, future dreams
joys and sorrows, dirty, clean
holding, hugging, kissing too
love in all we say and do.
I look forward to every tomorrow that I spend getting to know you. And from this day forward, you will know me as b/sistersshoes....I coudn't stray to far from my beginnings.
Thank you Den...I love you!