Monday, July 30, 2007

missing them

This is my Mother (Terri). She is more than a best friend, kind of like a Frister (a friend that is more like a sister) so, I guess that makes her a Frother. That sounds too much like brother, so I am going to call her a Fromma. (a Momma who is also a very close Friend). ~*~ Thus is the language we use in my family ~*~ So if you see us all together, you'll hear words that make no sense to you, but mean the world to us and we'll most likely be laughing. (Booch, Whammies, Boofa, to name a few)

We also make up songs for one another and sing them at random moments. They are sung with special, made up, high pitched voices (also the voices we use when talking to our animals, or reading our pets minds and speaking out loud for them) and once a song has been made up about you, you're stuck with it for life. This musical performance is usually accompanied with loads of laughter, therefore confusing the audience and adding to their opinion, that we are all crazy, or drunk...or both. Don't be seen with us in public, unless you don't mind looking like you've just come from a pub and had a pint or two... (or 3 or 4 ;)

Why am I telling you this? Well, it's been a tough year for everyone in my family. My parents and sisters, as well as myself, have each been through our own hell and it has caused us to be apart from one another and kept us from all being in the same place at once. I've spent a good part of this morning being weepy about this. I miss my family, I miss being silly, laughing until you think you're going to pee...and singing the songs that represent a good part of who we are, that only we understand and think are hilarious.

Call it our quirky sense of humor...
Call it being really really silly...
Call it just plain insanity...

It relieves a lot of tension and is the glue that binds us all together, it makes us belong to one another. It is more than sharing the same parents and all living under the same roof for is priceless loyalty and enduring faithfulness towards one is love, loads and loads of love.

i miss my family...i miss (them)

Friday, July 27, 2007

tagged ~*~ 8 random things

The Fabulous Denise tagged me and here are
8 random goofy things that you may not know about me.

*We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
*Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
*People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
*At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.

1~*~ I came across my cheerleaders uniform and tried it on when no one was home. (it was really depressing, but I had a good laugh.)

2~*~ I once wore a black playboy bunny costume, fishnet stockings, stilettos and was slowly unpeeled, as I danced out of a huge fake banana skin..! (if you can believe was my High School's production of "Those Damn Yankee's" and I played the lead role of Lola, my sophomore year.)

3~*~ I shrunk down to 82 pounds when I was 16 because my appendix ruptured and I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. (my boyfriend came to see me, took one look at me, ran away and the nurse apologized for him, while she put his flowers in a vase:(

4~*~ I play the guitar and have written so many songs, I can't even tell you the number. (they are all recorded on some cassette tapes, with me playing and singing. Someday my kids will find them and Know that their mom was a Real hippie at heart :)

5~*~ I often wash my hair in the sink and then go take a shower. (I know this makes no sense...blame my mom, she does it too ;)

6~*~ I am extremely claustrophobic...I HATE elevators, dressing rooms, being in a car without the air blasting and people standing too close, breathing my air. (except my family :)

7~*~ Chicken skin and fat, give me the willies. (if I come in contact with it, I can't eat the chicken.)

8~*~ I spent some time in New York one summer and modeled makeup for Coty cosmetics. My cousin said they used it in a magazine, but I never got to see it. (I was paid $100...hey, that was a lot of money in 1978!) ;)

The eight people I am tagging are Angela, Silvia, Annie, Wanda, Brian, Jack, Mary and Shaz

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I get knocked down, but I get up again

I received an email from a lovely comment friend. She thanked me for being honest and for sharing the trials of living with chronic pain. She also suffers daily, but has not been given a diagnosis, as all tests so far have been negative. That is a very frustrating place to be in and it can get quite lonely. Hearing from her was a huge blessing for me, as well as hearing from others. It feels good to be able to share my own experiences and I thank you make my day :)

I recently hit a new wall and for some reason, it always catches me off guard. All I can do is try to explain and I am open to interpretations. July has been a weird month...3 good days, 4 bad ones, 2 good ones, 3 bad days, 1 good, 4 bad and so on. None of them are pain free, but free enough to get about and enjoy an excursion or lite activity, now and then. However, I find myself often frazzled and out of my element, which is different than the anxiety I sometimes feel. After a long talk with J, I realized that sick days are much more predictable than the good ones. If I wake up sick, I can tell you exactly how my day will play out, minute by minute, but on a better day, I am allowed the luxury of choice and because those days are so few, there is this momentum of pressure in what I decide to do with my day and the fear that I may not choose efficiently. Meaning, at the end of the day I wish that I had done some cleaning with my extra energy, or left the house and gone out. Guilt plays a part in these heady discussions.

I'm sounding a little crazy and neurotic, but that is what happens to people whose days are delegated by a body that doesn't want to cooperate with a mind. I feel like two different people, the person that controls my mind and the person that wears my body. More on this subject another day.

I will say this though...If we wore our bodies like clothes, this body would be in that coat closet that rarely gets used, shoved to the back and hidden by all the party dresses ;)

Sunday, July 22, 2007


~ Jolly is the word that comes to my mind
as I look at this head with a frog on its face
if my own were the same I wouldn't look so happy
because having an amphibian stuck to my cheek
would really freak me out and I'd be screaming
and that is not how I want my visage
immortalized in stone ~

But, I will say that I did smile when I chose this picture for my post today because I am feeling rather glum at the moment. For whatever reason, I am in an extreme amount of pain and have set myself on the couch and fear moving a muscle, as it causes the ache to increase. I am running that draining low grade fever that comes now and then, lupus having that mind of it's own, that I'll never understand. My plans for this day have been set aside...again...and I find myself swallowing back tears that keep trying to spill out over my cheeks, afraid that I might seem ungrateful for having some recent good days that summer affords. The pain pills have been swallowed and will soon take effect, that dreaded dull dragging of the brain, not really decreasing the pain, just masking it with a kind of pretend tolerance...oh Lord, I sound so depressing, but really, the garden decor actually did make me smile and that is what I'll concentrate on today...silly garden gnomes :)

Thursday, July 19, 2007

My Father's Dresser

The Things He Chose

I just got back from a rather spontaneous 3 day trip to visit my parents. They live only one hour away from me, but I like to stay over night and spend real quality time with them. No pre-made schedule while I'm there, just doing as we please and going places together. We did a lot of laughing, as we all share a dorky sense of humor, the kind that evolves from growing up together and intertwines loads of inside jokes. Basically we laugh about things that no one else would understand and this is family love on a very special level, one I have grown to appreciate more and more. I soaked everything in, her as my mother and friend, him as my father and buddy, together as my parents, confidants, advisers, and the elders that I honor like none other.

Late one night, after we all had said our good nights, I sat in my father's bed and stared at his dresser directly before me. I really looked at the items that he had chose to adorn this kind of special alter. I cried silently to myself as I pondered each treasure and the meanings behind their place of honor...

The saying on this plaque could be his hearts desire as the role he played in all three of his daughters lives. Daddy, you are our roots and you did give each one of us our wings ~ Thank You

A picture of him getting a tattoo representing his service to this country as a Marine. My sister Denise comprised a poem to honor him and the time that he unselfishly gave for all people, but most of all, his family. I am so proud to say that my father was a Marine ~ Thank You

Denise's wedding day, his baby girl being given away to the care of another man. No easy task for a parent to do with the child you almost lost to death in the first year of her life. We all cherish her in our own special way because almost loosing her effected us all. But daddy, you look so proud and happy, we all knew that she had found the perfect man to love her all the days of her life ~ Thank You C

Here you are with your first born grandson right before his accident. Both of you look strong and proud, unaware that just a few days later Mark would be struggling to hang onto life and you daddy, would be reaching down into your very core to look for hope and faith. You and mom were pillars of strength for me, my body was weak, but my spirit was able to battle the death that tried to take my son. Mark felt your love for him and he will be forever changed because of it ~ Thank You

The perfect 'poster' picture of your 3 daughters 80's hair styles. We all secretly got together and had this picture taken for you and mom as an anniversary present. I think this picture has also graced your desk at work and I know that we girls are the thing that you are the most proud of, in all your life's accomplishments. We too are proud to be called Lou's daughters ~ Thank You

The bride you chose, the mother of your children and the great love of your life. She is your jewel, a woman you would die for and can't live without. You made the best choice daddy and we all love her and understand why you were smitten by her, as we have all been smitten too. You chose her ~ Thank You

And last, but not least, a memorial to your own father. He unexpectedly died that day, on your boat, while preparing to go fishing with you. He left way too soon and I know that you still have his sack lunch, made for that day, in your freezer. Something too difficult for you to throw away. I understand and so does he. He also knows that you love him and miss him. He is proud of the father that you have become and even admires the love that you share with us. Something that he found very difficult to express and would have done differently, if he could...more like you have daddy. It is he who wishes to be more like you ~ Thank You

And so, I turned off the light, lay down into my father's bed and contemplated all of these treasures that I knew meant so much to him. I felt so much love for my own family, my husband and children, my mother and sisters, but most of all, for you daddy. For the choices that you made and the love that you have shared with me...

Thank you daddy....thank you

Saturday, July 14, 2007


the importance of pacing

Feeling encouraged, I was finally able to open up all of the accounts I've needed for the boutique. I have caught myself really stressing out about the photography. The weather has been in the high 90's and I'm not supposed to be in the sun. However, I did take a round of pictures anyway and then paid the price by feeling yucky for a couple of days. Now, I am in the process of creating a jewelry photography studio in the corner of a certain spare bedroom of my house. This has turned out to be a project in itself, but I know what it is I have to do in order to feel organized about this entire venture.

I fell apart in the arms of my husband a couple of nights ago. I had started the day rather grumpy and it escalated to tears, with him stopping me in my tracks and gently asking me what was wrong. He said something very wise and my heart listened..."You love doing this, so why is it making you so unhappy?" I went to sleep with those words planted like seeds in my soul and the water came from the comments of many of you. Maybe you heard the anxiousness in my previous posts, maybe you were just simply supposed to remind me to just take one step at a time, to pace myself.

Lupus won't allow one day's passing, without reminding me of its limitations. Even when I'm feeling good, I still have to pace myself because I can easily overdue it. My mind is racing with idea's, but my body only survives by literally taking only

easy to say
easy to write the words
easy to tell someone else
but oh so hard to remember to do

I remind myself that each step is moving upward towards a goal and that I will eventually get to the top, even if I have to sit down and rest for awhile.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

it's me talking

I could use some encouragement...

I learn by trial & error. I don't choose to learn this way, it's just a fact about myself. When God was passing out the Easy gene, He ran out right before I got there. By the time my brain has decided that something is going to be starts raining, they cancel the concert, the restaurant runs out of that item, the store has it in every size but mine and they close your bank account because it was inactive for too long and never tell you. Yes, that's what happened to me...I had an account at a local bank, all my own, no one used it but me...and they closed it. I guess someone decided that I fell off the face of the Earth? And I, of course, used all of this said bank information with la la...before I knew all of this! :{ So, I dried the tears that fell during my arduous online clean up and the very looooong phone conversation I had with Paypals customer service guy, who thinks I'm now THE craziest person EVER...and have a new bank account that is currently waiting to be verified by the wonderful people at Paypal soon as I can upload all the umpteen pictures I have taken of my jewelry, with oooooh so many left that still need to be taken, cropped, adjusted, blah!...I can open up the boutique that the Universe encouraged me to open...

that was The Universe...right?

Monday, July 09, 2007

boutique technique

I feel a celebration in the air!
Many decisions have been made,
including some gracious help from my sister.
She created a wonderful banner for my boutique.
She also helped give my online venture a new name...
~* Gypsy Girl Gems*~
I am quite happy with the change and look forward
to its opening this week :} We made the decision to
register with etsy. Long after arduous hours with
web design, I decided that I would be way over-
whelmed with it's upkeep, designing, making and then
the joy (:{ of all the photography that is involved. goal is to doing something that I love...
No room for undue stress here ;) So, the link will be showing
up in my side bar in a few days, with everything up and
running. Fingers crossed that I will be gentle and kind
to myself, as this journey proceeds forward.

Thank you for the kindest encouragement ever! You all
are true Gems in your own special way. xOx gypsy girl

Saturday, July 07, 2007

do you feel lucky?...

every 100 years people get to experience a rare moment in history...
the day, month and year all end up with the same number, seven
some people consider this number lucky
pennies are lucky
ducks are too
every once in a while, lady luck smiles
one week
seven days
one world
seven wonders
one fairytale
seven dwarves
one state of mind
seventh heaven
seven colors make a rainbow
and if we're really lucky
we are lucky in love
have the luck of the draw
and the Irish...
my husband is Irish
and I'm one lucky girl
let Clint Eastwood ask the question of the hour...
"Do you feel lucky punk, well do ya?"
he said punk
I didn't ;)

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

a working vacation

~*Happy 4th of July to my USA lovelies*~
~*Happy Happy to my overseas friendship angels*~

My hubs has the rest of this week off. Tonight we will do the traditional BBQ with friends and 9pm fireworks :) Then...the rest of the week is being dedicated to website work. Sooo much to learn (surprisingly interesting;) and sooo much to do. My health has been unpredictably good and I feel like being sick is my job and I'm on vacation from it ;) My wonderful Dr.P saw me on Tuesday and he gave me a great big hug and got a little emotional with me. He sees me at my painful worst...a lot, so seeing me dressed and makeup ready, was delightful for him. I am blessed to have such a great doctor that I can call a friend.

Thank you all for the encouragement you have expressed to me about this venture of mine. I am determined and look forward to its presentation day. Light boxes are coming in the mail and a few other things to make the photos less exasperating and I am excited. Until then...I'll give you little peeks of my jewelry's expressions.

Have a fabulous safe and sound celebration xoxoxoxoxo

"Majestic Sunset"

Monday, July 02, 2007


lazy afternoon
hammock napping
light breezes
waterfall music
softly swaying
whispering words
lucky in love
right before
you closed
those eyes
you said,
"look, you're dancing in the sun."
breathing slows
my hand
resting on
your chest
this heart
fills with
sentimental love
and gratitude
for you.
I whisper,
"I feel so special with you."

have a safe and happy 4th of July :) xox