Monday, April 07, 2008

my rant to blame it on the weather

One of the struggles I go through with having Lupus is always trying to place blame on some external source for why I am suffering. I catalogue all of my food intake, carefully spread out all physical exertion and constantly listen to my body. And when I say "listen to my body" I don't mean it in that sensitive spiritual(sorry for my neglect, you deserve to be heard)kind of way. I mean like completely being aware of how every muscle in my body is feeling...where the pain is right now, what number is it, define the kind of pain, how serious is it and now what am I going to do about it, way. Being chronically sick is exhausting work.

There are times I get to choose to be sick, for example, when I plan ahead for some extended outing that I know will be overly taxing, when I choose to go shopping regardless of that naggy tingling in my bones, or "honey, please just put me in your car and drive me around even if you have to use a rope to hold me up!" I end up suffering in one way or the other, but I try not to complain during those times because I chose to do it. But on the days when according to my records I should be doing pretty good and I'm not, even I start looking for something to blame it on.

I think this is when God gets in trouble with some people. But in time you learn that blaming God doesn't make things any better and if you're end up feeling guilty which always makes my situation worse. I also think that blaming, finding that cause, is somehow a little bit of a power play. This way, if I want to be angry, I now have some(thing) to be angry at. But alas, even anger uses energy and 95% of the time I choose not to use up my energy in that way.

So, my husband calls me from work to see how I'm doing (at the end of day six in a row of feeling like poop) and I respond, "just okay" ...translation: nothing has changed... and he says, "This darn weather! It's freezing one minute and hot the next and don't even get me started about the wind..." and yes, I know exactly how he feels...just like the child that wants to believe that all bad things come from one source and that one day, we will all be free from that source...

...and so now we are both complaining about the beautiful spring day.


Blogger LEstes65 said...

You really summed this up perfectly. I do that same blame thing.

You're awesome. I adore you and my prayers are with you tonight, my dear.

7:36 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Oh, I let the weather dictate my mood way too much. I'm trying to work on that!

7:56 PM  
Blogger Wanda said...

Oh Dar...I hate those "poop" days, I so wanted to see you face Sunday morning, or Sunday afternoon!!!

I'm so hoping when I call tomorrow we are still on for Tues. Night!!

But you need to take care of you, and you can blame it on me!!!

Love and Hugs forever
Wanda Mom

9:45 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

Blame as a power play - yes, I think that's so true! I do it sometimes. I suppose most people do. And yes, mostly it's a waste of energy...but now and then it can help a person make it through the day. So if you and your beloved want to complain about the weather, it can take it. I bet it's had worse things said about it. ;-)

3:21 AM  
Blogger Trish Ryan said...

You describe it so perfectly...the need to have something to blame, something that could change at any minute and therefore make things better. Sigh.

Bless you with internal sunny days, and muscles that feel strong and well and able!

7:43 AM  
Blogger sweet expressions said...

I hope the weather changes and
you are filled with days of blissful energy!!

1:46 PM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Impossible situations with chronic bad Health???? Our mind is our most powerful tool and you D are my mentor on strength.
What you cant achieve physically you nail with inner strength.
I hate that you have those POOP times and I constantly pray that they are few and far between but hey go ahead and blame the weather I say.
You cant hurt its feelings and sometimes I feel laying blame to the elements releases a burden off yourself and what you cant control.
Some people do that to those they love but you only ever praise those precious people and that takes strength and a very pure of heart person and that is how I see you. Sending you the gentlest of hugs and as much strength as I have to spare for those days you choose. xoxox

4:18 PM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Sorry to hear of your weather induced pain. May things settle down quickly so you can enjoy.

btw, if you haven't read it yet, do read "a new earth". I am just about to finish it. There should be quite a number of postings coming from my readings.

The best to you and yours.

6:29 PM  
Blogger tricia said...

Darlene -

Sending you hugs and sweet prayers today.


7:04 PM  
Anonymous amy said...

i came to visit after reading your sister's lovely post. such warmth and goodness. i just wanted to hello. it is Autumn here and the evenings are getting darker and chillier. take care.

4:04 AM  

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