Thursday, June 14, 2007

makeup and veggies

I found myself
sitting here this
morning, drinking
my 'very green'
veggi breakfast
and I visually
took in my
predictable surroundings.

Red and white
geraniums are
scattered throughout
the backyard.

The first bunch
of tomatoes
are ripening
on the vine.

The yellow
goose neck squash
will be next

and the last of
the blackberries
are soaking up
summer's sun.

Today is a good day and I am feeling some energy that is greatly welcomed, but a foreign feeling, nonetheless . And knowing that days like today are few and far between, I have decided that I must go out and get some long overdue shopping done. (Those under-garments that no one can purchase for you ;)

If you could only see into my head as I get ready to go... positive self talk filling my brain, convincing me to remain calm and trying to keep my anxieties at bay. I have learned that staying calm is a must, because the excitement I feel can easily turn into fear and ruin the joy of the simple things, like having makeup on and driving my car. I have learned to not berate myself for feeling this way, for there is no gain in that and it only steals away precious pleasures. But, I do remember a time when this ritual was normal for me, requiring no thought or notice. I remember countless days, the dawn barely breaking and I would be applying eye shadow with one hand, while the other was brushing my daughters hair and my mind was filled with my lesson plans for the day, or memorizing something for a class I was taking later that night. Kids, work and more classes, how in the world did I get it all done? Now...I just keep taking deep breaths, blink away any tears that may try to surface and concentrate on the gratitude I feel in my heart, as my body prepares to appear like everyone else in this world. The tomatoes, squash and berries will have to wait for my attention on another day.


Anonymous Dreamer Girl said...

I hope you have a wonderful day. I'll be thinking of you and sending some good happy vibes over the ocean!!

I'm loving you,

xox Sil

1:20 PM  
Blogger Star said...

Positive thoughts can make all the difference. There's a miracle just around the corner, waiting for you. :D

1:36 PM  
Blogger Mary Timme said...

You've lost so much and yet you've gotten a lot too. I wish it was different for you, Darlene!

5:33 PM  
Blogger Wanda said...

Yahoo! Yeah! Hip Hip Hooray!
Darlene my heart dances with joy that you get to go shopping!!!
Your dining room looks adorable, the the veggies so yummy. My tomatoes are still green...I waiting!
Love you with all my heart!
Wanda Mom

5:43 PM  
Blogger StephieAnne said...

Bless you for "pressing on" - you are such an inspiration-

9:57 PM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Hey sweet, my heart is just bubbling with mixed emotions I am so happy your going out and feeling better, but on the hand my heart breaks for what you have lost and you have to live with it to know it. I dont want to sound negative just acknowledge this day as special as I know most of them aren't even though you shine through good and bad with such grace.
You are such an inspiration to many and your calling is now different to the one you once had but you still help, you still mean the world to those you touch, however breifly.
I just want you to know good days, bad days hey you are still the amazing you, who I love and adore. So I pray for more good days than bad and Pray my tomatos look as good as yours soon, lol.

10:56 PM  
Anonymous Dreamer Girl said...

...and did you have a fun outing? Hope so!!! xxx

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Cindie said...

I hope that you had a wonderful day doing some of what pleased only you. Things change in our lives and we often miss that which we did without even thinking about it.
Treasure the moments... all of them... you have so much to offer and your willingness to share your life with its ups and downs ... gives others HOPE.
Your flowers are beautiful and your tomatoes look delicious!

Hugs to you

7:05 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

I love the mental image I got of you applying eyeshadow with one hand while brushing your daughter's hair.

God send you his healing and other blessings, Darlene.

Love you...

9:09 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

I hope you had a great day..You deserve it and your photos are beautiful. Love your eating area...sandy

12:57 PM  

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