Tuesday, February 26, 2008

One day at a ...


This has been me for the last few days...pale, the right side of my face swollen and drooping from day 2 of a migraine and I acknowledge that the lupus pain levels are pretty high. I'm all shut in, my curtains drawn, dark family room and the TV is turned way down low. I'm thinking all sorts of things right about now, midway through this flare. Things like:
*grateful to have spent Friday with Mark, but resenting the price my body has to pay for it
*the heavy loneliness that tries to consume me...I hold it at bay (my arms get so tired)
*I completely understand why some people end up dependent on all sorts of chemical substances, but also know that that is just not for me
*I quietly cry and feel a little sorry for myself
*I think about women who are healthy and can work, or can just do normal things without the concern of knowing you will end up sick for days
*I often think of Karma and rack my brain trying to figure out what I did that was so wrong
*I also have this conversation with God
*I end this pity party and begin to pray, meditate and use visualization for pain relief
*I ponder the wonderful good things in my life right now
and then I gently remind myself...
to just live out One Day at a Time.
I'll do my best to keep my attitude in a healthy constructive manner, apologize for the grumpies and muster up more hope for tomorrow.
Oh...and by this time, I've received hundreds of puppy breath kisses.

11 Comments:

Anonymous dma said...

i'm sending you strength and good wishes - i came across your blog and have to tell you that you pulled at my heart strings.

from the east coast
dma

3:39 AM  
Blogger maggiegracecreates said...

Darlene - I found your blog just before Mark's accident and was with you through all of that. I keep coming back here - but have not taken the time to comment lately.

I will be praying for you again now - as you are in a struggle yourself.

I hope and pray that today will be better in at least one tiny way.

11:25 AM  
Anonymous silvia said...

there's an email coming your way :)

xox

2:01 PM  
Blogger tricia said...

Darlene

I totally can relate. I have a rare illness that leaves me the same way most of the time. I take it all day by day but I grieve the life I used to have and long to be normal like other people I see. I know everyone has their trials but health issues and pain can take so much joy out of life. I have just started blogging as an outlet to talk about my illness and other topics to stay sane. I don't have a husband that deals well with my illness so I am hoping I find a good support system in blog land.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

My heart goes out to you and there is more Reiki energy coming your way. I send it to you every night before sleep finds me. Please let it wash over you and bring you comfort and harmony.

8:10 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

Hooray for puppy breath kisses. I'm so sorry for your pain. You are in my prayers, dear one. God, please take Darlene's pain. In the name of Jesus, I bless her with your healing and your love, God. Remove the thoughts that she somehow brought this on herself, God. Your love banishes that possibility, Lord. Thank you for loving Darlene for those of us that can't be there. Amen.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Darlene said...

~thank you all so much...I feel the love

tricia~ I tried to leave you a comment, but you have your comments restricted. I hope you are okay today...

blessing to all of you,
darlene

1:05 PM  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

Sending you prayers and much love Darlene.

I'm sorry you are in pain.

4:04 PM  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

Louise Hay's affirmation for Lupus (from her book You Can Heal Your Life):

"I speak up for myself freely and easily. I claim my own power. I love and approve of myself. I am free and safe."

XO

4:09 PM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

loving you sis.

so sorry you're feeling so terrible.
i am sending you so much loved right now, can you feel it?

i'm pretty certain you haven't received any of the emails i've sent. has Jay taken a look at what's happenin'??

I LOVE YOU...a bushel and a peck.

xoxo

5:21 PM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

i'm so sorry to hear that you've been unwell, D.
i'm sending lots of warm, cuddly love your way.
Vx

4:20 AM  

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