makeup and veggies

I found myself
sitting here this
morning, drinking
my 'very green'
veggi breakfast
and I visually
took in my
predictable surroundings.

Red and white
geraniums are
scattered throughout
the backyard.

The first bunch
of tomatoes
are ripening
on the vine.

The yellow
goose neck squash
will be next

and the last of
the blackberries
are soaking up
summer's sun.







Today is a good day and I am feeling some energy that is greatly welcomed, but a foreign feeling, nonetheless . And knowing that days like today are few and far between, I have decided that I must go out and get some long overdue shopping done. (Those under-garments that no one can purchase for you ;)

If you could only see into my head as I get ready to go... positive self talk filling my brain, convincing me to remain calm and trying to keep my anxieties at bay. I have learned that staying calm is a must, because the excitement I feel can easily turn into fear and ruin the joy of the simple things, like having makeup on and driving my car. I have learned to not berate myself for feeling this way, for there is no gain in that and it only steals away precious pleasures. But, I do remember a time when this ritual was normal for me, requiring no thought or notice. I remember countless days, the dawn barely breaking and I would be applying eye shadow with one hand, while the other was brushing my daughters hair and my mind was filled with my lesson plans for the day, or memorizing something for a class I was taking later that night. Kids, work and more classes, how in the world did I get it all done? Now...I just keep taking deep breaths, blink away any tears that may try to surface and concentrate on the gratitude I feel in my heart, as my body prepares to appear like everyone else in this world. The tomatoes, squash and berries will have to wait for my attention on another day.