Springtime~Thunderstorms~Feathered Friends ~*~ Pain Management

all you could hear
was the pounding of rain
a rumble or two
and lightening bolts flew
but some of Gods creatures
without even a care
went on with their lives
by leaving the air





some
sat
in
trees

and
chatted
with
friends






the
fresh
water
pond
is where
jay bird
felt
cleansed






many
were
perched










on
the
edges
of
fences











quietly
watching

rain
fill
up
the
trenches










the
rain
kept on
coming









for
hours
and hours








and
each
bird
was
drenched









right
along
with the
flowers








and then
there
were
those











who
chose
lonely
places












to
gaze
from on
high












dark
grief
on
their
faces











but
low
on the
ground









some
frolicked
and played












they
teased
one another













so some
flew
away







but
all
the birds
know

that
each storm
has an
end









flying
back
to their
homes

cheerful
singing
begins






~*~ Today I will be going to the pain clinic. I have to carry in my bag filled with medicines and watch them take them out, one bottle at a time and place them into categories. I don't ever look at them that way.....all at once....on the same surface. In my house, I have them in a small wooden cabinet that has tiny drawers that represent the categories. I only have to open them one at a time, not exposing myself to the whole. Even though some of the medications are "as needed" it is still very overwhelming to 'see' them just....out like that.

The doctors know it is an uncomfortable situation because he always assures me that these pills are keeping me alive...and right about here, during the visit, I can't keep myself from crying no matter how hard I try. I am in the process of being taken off of a dangerous medication. As a matter of fact, I am going on a new medication to make going off the old medication as danger free as possible????? I know...it's very confusing and scary. My family doesn't know just how dangerous it is. (and if any of you are reading this right now, I'm sorry and I don't really want to talk about it).

I feel like Job. I feel like different parts of my life are a reflection of all those medicine bottles on the table, staring at me and daring my faith. I will never loose hope and I will never leave my faith. It is Rock Solid. I will die with my beliefs fully intact and coming from my lips. I feel like I want to sit down with death and disease and say, "Listen, I'm a stubborn Portagee, so shove off!"

I am so ready for the storm to be over....can't a girl catch a break?