Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Springtime~Thunderstorms~Feathered Friends ~*~ Pain Management













all you could hear
was the pounding of rain
a rumble or two
and lightening bolts flew
but some of Gods creatures
without even a care
went on with their lives
by leaving the air





some
sat
in
trees

and
chatted
with
friends






the
fresh
water
pond
is where
jay bird
felt
cleansed






many
were
perched










on
the
edges
of
fences











quietly
watching

rain
fill
up
the
trenches










the
rain
kept on
coming









for
hours
and hours








and
each
bird
was
drenched









right
along
with the
flowers








and then
there
were
those











who
chose
lonely
places












to
gaze
from on
high












dark
grief
on
their
faces











but
low
on the
ground









some
frolicked
and played












they
teased
one another













so some
flew
away







but
all
the birds
know

that
each storm
has an
end









flying
back
to their
homes

cheerful
singing
begins






~*~ Today I will be going to the pain clinic. I have to carry in my bag filled with medicines and watch them take them out, one bottle at a time and place them into categories. I don't ever look at them that way.....all at once....on the same surface. In my house, I have them in a small wooden cabinet that has tiny drawers that represent the categories. I only have to open them one at a time, not exposing myself to the whole. Even though some of the medications are "as needed" it is still very overwhelming to 'see' them just....out like that.

The doctors know it is an uncomfortable situation because he always assures me that these pills are keeping me alive...and right about here, during the visit, I can't keep myself from crying no matter how hard I try. I am in the process of being taken off of a dangerous medication. As a matter of fact, I am going on a new medication to make going off the old medication as danger free as possible????? I know...it's very confusing and scary. My family doesn't know just how dangerous it is. (and if any of you are reading this right now, I'm sorry and I don't really want to talk about it).

I feel like Job. I feel like different parts of my life are a reflection of all those medicine bottles on the table, staring at me and daring my faith. I will never loose hope and I will never leave my faith. It is Rock Solid. I will die with my beliefs fully intact and coming from my lips. I feel like I want to sit down with death and disease and say, "Listen, I'm a stubborn Portagee, so shove off!"

I am so ready for the storm to be over....can't a girl catch a break?

30 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darlene,

What a wonderful post! You most live in a magical place, with all those lovely birds.

Loving you,

XOXOXO Silvia

12:40 AM  
Anonymous suzie q said...

Oh Darlene, such beautiful photo's and thoughts..Thank you for sharing them with us. I have a family of sparrows feeding outside my kitchen window, and it's wonderful to see their relatives keeping you company! That blue jay is a beauty, too! :)

Have a wonderful day :)

Love you,
Suze xXx

1:43 AM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Oh gorgeous girl. I can imagine through your words that this is a really tough time. We are so alike in that we shut out those closest to us to spare them pain or worry.

Please take care of you.

Lots of Love xxx

2:52 AM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

Darlene, love, with every post you take us on a journey. You tell your compelling story, laying yourself bare, and through your hardship you teach us lessons and give us hope through your example. Please be safe. I am hoping so hard that this tricky switch of medication comes off well and fast. Just like that rainstorm, your tempest will break... I know it will :)
Vxxx

3:01 AM  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Dear Darlene ... so sorry that you're having to go through the shift in medicine, especially one that is a serious risk to come off of ... I do hope you share with your family (or at least J) the risks and expectations of that switch. Thank goodness for doctors that specialize in this.
Beautiful feathered-friends photos along with a lovely poem!
Wishing you peace, love and strength, JP

3:27 AM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Yeah, girl, you can catch a break.

Begin looking for it and forget about those things you do not want.

May your life soon be free of the need for the meds and you will be able to enjoy the rain and birds even more.

With all of this loving, cyber-space energy you are receiving, it should be a walk in the park.

I do love your photos. I am going to have to get in the habit of carrying my camera with me more often

The poem was lovely too.

5:21 AM  
Blogger bee said...

oh, god, darlene.

i am hoping that all the love i am sending to you right now and through the next few days will ease your heart a little. i understand where you're coming from so well, and i know that sometimes when you're the grief-stricken bird at the top of the tree that you're not sure when the storm will be over.

know that i will be holding your hand in spirit as the doctor looks at your medicines and making loving jokes with you, to try and make you smile. lean on me, if you need.

this poem was so intensely beautiful, i have no words...but just to say, i appreciate so much the journey you do share with us.

5:43 AM  
Blogger Star said...

You have so many gifts to share and so much to teach all of us. This taking away of medication will cleanse your body just as the rain cleansed the birds in your beautiful photos. And when they find the perfect combination for this season in your life, you will be ready to soar once more and sing the sweet out the sweet songs that are within you.

Holding you close today (as always)...

xoxo Star

7:02 AM  
Blogger Wanda said...

You dazzle us every day with breathtaking pictures, and meaningful poems, from you life. Remember, "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He's watching you." He'll be sitting on your shoulder at pain management clinic. Glance that way and you will see Him.
I love you with all my heart!
Wanda Mom

8:05 AM  
Blogger +*-s-t-e-f-f-*+ said...

hey dun feel sad okay??? after the rain will the rainbow come..Mark is a fighter, and he made it through because of you..so never give up!!! if he can step out of the darkness, you can too..pray!!

8:23 AM  
Blogger daisies said...

your photos and poem are so incredible, what a journey ...

sending you love

9:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darling Darlene,

Just read your update...an email is on its way :)

XOXO Silvia

10:07 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

I love the poem. And will send this post out to my prayer chain. You will be lifted up. I love you. I wish that was enough to take the pain away. But it's all I have to offer.

Love from Texas...Lynette

10:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darlene,
I will be praying that the storm is over quickly and that the new medication is the break you are waiting for. He answers all prayers when we are faithful and beleive that He will.
With Love

11:08 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...

(((Darlene)))

I wish I had words that could express my admiration and respect for you. No matter the storm, birds will still sing.

11:36 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

i love birds for this very reason--they can always take a little rain

2:46 PM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

ohhhh no...let me know how your doc appointment goes. i am so sorry you have to do this today. yuck.

i'll never make you talk about it unless you want to.

i always have such hope for you Dar. i hold that hope and faith for you every day.

keep being that Portagee Girl with a strong will to live...

we love you and are so proud of you.

pretty pics of birdies. i woke up to the sound of rain and birds chirping. it reminded me of camping in the redwoods. the smells, the cool air coming thru our windows and the melodies. mmmm...

love,
your sis

2:51 PM  
Blogger angela said...

Your photos are an inspiration as is the courage you live your life by.
Keep strong, keep smiling.
Big hugs,
Angela

3:11 PM  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

I wish you all the best as you embark on this trip to the clinic...and mostly, I too wish for the storm to be over...because it gets old...oh so old.

Thank you for this wonderful poem and lovely pictures of the birds...I could almost hear them chirping.

Sending you peace, warmth, strength and love.

xoxo

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Annie Morris said...

Oh Sweetie,

I'm praying real hard for you, for strength during this medication ordeal. Can't really express what I'm feeling, but we all love you and will be thinking/praying for you, and for the guidance of those who minister to you, both physically and spritually.

His eye is on the sparrow......

With heaps of love from the other side of the world

4:42 PM  
Blogger DD/Sandy said...

Hi Darlene, loved the bird pics and just feel sad that you are dealing with the pain clinic and medication and the severity of it all. I am just wishing I had more words of comfort to say but I don't so can only send some hugs your way...((((((darlene)))))

xoxox

dd/s

5:47 PM  
Anonymous poet said...

this was such a beautiful poem, and the photos of the birds, as well. take your strength from those who surround you with love, both in your family and friends, off line and on. take care,,,,

7:22 PM  
Blogger Gracey said...

What beautiful pictures....those little birds look so precious! Remember what God said when He spoke about taking care of the sparrow and providing for its needs, but how more valuable we are to Him and He will always take care of us too. I hope your appointment went better than you thought it would. You are in my thoughts and prayers every night before I lay my head on the pillow!

7:24 PM  
Blogger gracie said...

wow... if this is what you can do when you feel like Job, I cannot imagine what you'd get up to when feeling great!! You're an inspiration.

3:05 AM  
Blogger MAHIMA said...

your post was like a dream! so fluid. and perfect!

3:21 AM  
Blogger Julie H said...

Wow Darlene I finally caught up on your blog. Firstly I hope the pain management meeting/session went really well and the drug change is smooth.

More than that, I have caught up on Mark's news and I am sitting here praising our God for his amazing power. His healing is indeed a miracle and a joy.

Hugs to you both,

3:22 AM  
Blogger Mary Timme said...

Darlene,

My dear blog friend! I'm holding your hand and walking through this valley with you in my heart. I wish I could take on your danger in my body, for your faith has been tested as well as rejoiced in, and I want it all better for you. And I want it now! Looks like I get to endure patience and I wish I could do something to help. The photos were lovely. "...And His eye is on the Sparrow, so I know He watches me!"

5:29 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I used to work in Pain Management so I can totally empathize with you and your collection...My mom also has chronic pain and has her own little bag...When she has her moments I try to remind her that this body she suffers so much so in at times is just a vessel; really. And "maintence meds" really just mean that they maintain her human body so that they can keep up with her healthy, vibrant, vivacious Spirit. And I can tell with how you write that your Spirit Soars! Try not to let it get the best of you because in reality contrary to popular belief "You're NOT only human!" =)

7:19 PM  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

O! Darlene! That post of Birdie pics could be a SWEET DARLENE book!!! Those birds are soooo cute and sweet just like YOU! Thank YOU for such a darling post! YOU are a gift! I'll be thinking of YOU and praying for YOU! ((((((Darlene& her little friends, the birdies)))))

9:45 PM  
Blogger AnnieElf said...

Dear Darlene, Your series of pictures and the poem together is so deeply moving. The activities of the birds is so much as people themselves arrange their lives.

I wanted also to let you know that I recently "met" Angela and through her discovered that we are neighbors as well. I had no idea that we lived just ten minutes apart. Because of Angela, I have discovered a whole group of Hughson women (and me in my Turlock outpost). Many blessings to you.

7:41 AM  

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