"Mark...honey, you've been in an accident."

Update #3 ~ I woke up this morning because I heard myself scream his name. It was dark, my husband isn't here and the remembering comes flooding back into my brain. I panic and fly from my bed of drug induced sleep to get the phone, dial, I needed information.

J answers...he's crying...what! WHAT! "Mark needs another blood transfusion, he's still bleeding inside from the shredded muscle tissue." ~ Mark's muscles were torn open down his front and from there across his side to his spine, that is where he broke his back, that is what stopped him from being torn in two (his seat belt) saved his life. (Torn) muscle can't be stitched back together like a cut muscle. That is where the bleeding is coming from. That is why one of the many tubes that are coming out of his body, keeps filling with blood. That , and a tube for urine, a tube for the bile in his stomach, a tube in his lungs, a tube in his nose, a tube in his heart, a tube for food, a tube for saline, a tube for medicine, a tube down his throat...Damn it! There are machines everywhere, each one making it's own beep, flashing numbers, but the worst one by far is seeing his chest rise and fall, at a faster rate than is normal, and the loud pump (swoosh) as it forces air into his chest, that is black with bruising. He had one lucid moment this morning as his medicine had temporarily worn thin. He became frantic and tried to talk, J called his name and held his face and said, "Mark...honey, you've been in an accident." Mark remembered and he slammed his fist down on the bed. The nurse came in to increase his meds and soon he floated into oblivion again.

(The accident story) Mark and his work friend Brian were driving home from a work Christmas party. My son lives out in the country. Brian was driving too fast and Mark asked him to slow down 3 times. The road they were on dead ended to a cross street that had a big canal running down it. Without breaking, the car went through the end of the street stop sign, flew over the canal and was stopped by the impact of a large iron phoneline pole. I don't know how long the boys were unconscious. Mark crawled out of the car, across the water of the canal and up the cement side. He pulled himself onto the street and called us on his cell phone. We arrived as the ambulance pulled up. Mark was lying on his back screaming. When they cut his shirt away, I could see the big bulge off to the side. I knew...I just knew. I got down on my hands and knees as my son lay their naked in the freezing night air, that I was numb to, and kissed his face saying, "I love you Mark, I love you." The MT's pushed me aside. I tuned into the arms of a stranger and buried my face into her chest and cried. She felt like family as she held me tight and smoothed my head. My son drove away in a blur of lights and sirens. How bad were those internal injuries and would I see him alive again?

Mark will receive another blood transfusion today, remain in the ICU and I will make an entry later today. I have read and re-read your comments. They, and my family, are the only things keeping me from falling apart. I can't thank you enough...I can't thank you enough...I will tell Mark today that their are people all over the world praying, lighting candles and sending positive energy his way. He won't understand me, but I will and we both will feel the love.