Thursday, June 12, 2008

about face

I don't even know where to begin...
My husbands father is dying. We have been struggling with many serious decisions. Life ending decisions that are brutal, feel cold and empty. All that surrounds me is sadness and anger and this never ending feeling of helplessness.

Looking death in the face is scary and unnatural. The pain is tangible, a deep stab right into the heart and I can't seem to breathe enough air into my lungs. I feel like I'm physically crying for everyone in the family because they are all trying so hard to be strong.

Pops is in the ICU and I am not allowed in there because of my compromised immune system. I can still smell that place because of Mark's extended stay there. I think it's what nightmares smell like. So, I'm home alone all day and now...lately, all night long. I can feel him leaving, turning away from us all and facing a direction that is not to be followed. All I can do...the only words that will form in my brain and come out of my mouth are...

Goodbye Pops...
I'll see you...later

and thank you
for the
loving laughter.

***Pop's Spirit left this Earth at
2:00 am June 13, 2008***

Rest in Peace loved one


Blogger curious girl (lisa) said...

oh, you and everyone who loves Pops are in my thoughts.

4:51 PM  
Anonymous Cindie said...

I am so sorry... it just doesn't seem fair to lose someone we love so much.

I pray that you will all feel the love that is coming your way and the prayers.


7:05 PM  
Blogger dreamergirl said...

i'm so sorry,darlene.
you're all in my thoughts and prayers.
love you

11:26 PM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

we are thinking of all of you and you are in our prayers.

so sorry about this.

we went through this a few years ago with carsten's father and understand your pain.

call me if you need me.

i love you.

8:23 AM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Pops, you must have been one terrific human being. I am sure we were all better for you having spent your time with us.

It must be difficult, Pops, to leave your loved ones when you know you life's missions are complete.

Knowing they will have many fond memories of you and come to the day when they can smile just thinking of you is a blessing.

There is no doubt in my mind that you showed us how to serve with integrity, care about those we serve and share the love in our hearts/souls.

Bon Voyage, Pops. You are missed.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Wanda said...

Our dear Darlene and J! Just got off the phone with J and our hearts are breaking with you. We will be there for the funeral. We miss and love you guys so very much.

Our love, our prayers our tears are coming you way even now.
Love and Hugs
Wanda Mom and Pastor Dad

3:26 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

(((Darlene)))) read about your father in law on Wanda's blog.

So so sorry to hear about this and the pain you are feeling as well as the family.

Many blessings of comfort and solace to you and yours.


8:13 PM  
Anonymous Rebecca Vavic said...

My thoughts are with you beautiful Darlene.
Hugs to you and your hubs.

4:44 AM  
Blogger Constance said...

I am sorry to hear of your FIL passing. We lost my MIL Aug 26, 2006 the day after their 55th Anniversary. She fought her cancer and had several setbacks along the way. It's hard dealing with your own loss but it's especially difficult watching your spouse go through the grief! There is a sense of helplessness because I think, we are so used to "fixing things" and somethings are beyond our realm of fixing. I will say a prayer for all of you as you go through the loss but also as you celebrate the gift that you have been blessed with, obviously a wonderful and loving man!


5:45 AM  
Blogger Eileen W. said...

((((hugs)))) I know your Pops will be missed.

9:49 AM  
Blogger Cape Cod Kitty said...

Condolences to you and all your family, Darlene.
Sometimes it does feel like there is grief all around and I know it must be especially painful after the extended grief you had surrounding Mark's accident. Feel it, it will pass. I am sure Pops was a wonderful man and has left his legacy to carry on in your children.
Peace and comfort coming your way.

4:00 PM  
Blogger mascanlon said...

My thoughts and prayers are with your family. There is never enough time but I know you all sent Pops spirit on the way wrapped in the strength of your love.

9:17 PM  
Blogger sweet expressions said...


condolences to your family on the loss of pops. I hope feeling his spirit is in a better place brings
comfort to you and the family

always in my prayers

hugs to you all

12:59 AM  
Blogger Midsummerprism said...

His wonderful smile ( and I can see indeed how dashing his smile is) and the love he has given you and your whole family will give you all strength throughout to gracefully weather this ordeal.

My deepest condolences to you and your family. Love is always present even in the hardest of times.

1:00 AM  
Blogger Dana Jones said...

Darlene, thoughts and prayers with your family. God bless and keep you during your grief.

Kindly, Dana

6:41 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

Oh. Goodbye Pops.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

Love you...

7:51 PM  
Blogger nancygrayce said...

You and your husband and his family are in my husband's father died in May and I was with him along with my husband and mother in law. Death is sad for us, but only a last breath on earth and a first in heaven for those who love the Lord! May your family be filled with comfort!

8:54 PM  
Anonymous poet said...

sending prayers to you and your family, darlene. take care. Pops' spirit will remain close, surrounding you in his love as he is in your heart. HUGZ, poet

3:54 AM  
Blogger Trish Ryan said...

I am so sorry to hear about Pops...bless you and your family in this. You've been through a lot lately, huh? My prayer for you this summer is supernatural peace, and some joy thrown in for good measure.

9:14 AM  
Blogger cherry girl said...

My thoughts are with you all at this sad time. Hugs xx

12:17 PM  
Blogger Mary Timme said...

Oh, how hard that must be for you Darlene.

Losing someone we love is hard enough, tears at the very fibers of our souls that are twined and knit together.

Pops looks like he was such a sweetheart!

12:42 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

So sorry for your loss.

9:47 AM  
Blogger blisswarrior said...

peace to Pops...and peace to you and yours

6:18 AM  
Blogger Yolanda said...

My heart is with you. I know how this feels all to well as I have been thru it three times in the past 6 years with my mom,dad and sister in law. Sending love and prayers your way

9:32 AM  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

So sorry for your loss Darlene.

3:38 PM  
Blogger pink sky said...

deepest wells of love and sorry for your loss *big hugs*

2:08 PM  
Blogger life without novacaine said...

I am truly sorry for your loss.

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6:17 AM  

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