Monday, November 12, 2007

autumn hung on











and so did i

Today is my first really well day
I had hurt too much for any mundane sounds in my environment
the TV stayed silent and in its place was soft music
I layed on my couch for hours and watched the wind blow through the leaves
at the end of one branch this small red leaf hung on
the others still green and yellow
their stems teeming with leftover life
and the knowledge that their time had not yet expired
but the red one
the one with the color of courage
and sometimes fear
was encouraged to cling
strength to not give up
and make it through
yet another storm
and so did I.

In my everlasting research on major diet changes, one source informed that it can take up to one full year before you can really see the difference that the new diet is going to make in your body. The idea of having to be consistent and wait an entire year, is enough to discourage someone and that is why I think so many people give up and don't make it through the long haul.
One Entire Year...of Gluten Free Eating
However, if you're desperate enough, you'll do anything to be healthy again. And I am just that desperate. This last flare came the day after I resisted a major temptation. I asked myself..."Please, just this one time?" and I said, "No!"

Like a punishment, for not giving into my body's craving, I woke up the next day in excruciating pain and the inner battle began.
Two voices having it out in my head.
One telling the other all the reasons this new diet isn't working.
The other listing off every rational statistic of proof that it does work,
you need patience and consistency.
The rational and right voice made the better argument
and my cravings were told to firmly shut up!
But don't give me too much credit yet...
because I cried just like a child who didn't get their way.
I cursed the damn diet and screamed at the food on my special shelf.
I reluctantly ate the gluten free items
while envy bled from my heart, as I watched the others freely eat.
I cursed and punished them in my mind
and mocked that rational voice...
and then I got over it
and stopped being dramatic
and I'm still Gluten Free.
Yes...I'm still GF Gluten Free.

15 Comments:

Blogger Mary Timme said...

Oh, Darlene,

I can feel your frustration and anger and pain reaching through the page. I'm so very sorry! And it is a long time to wait, especially when you feel rotten and want to go back to what is familiar! Argh! We all cry sometimes, if we want to be mentally healthy! You are so much better at it than I would be.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Keep fighting the good fight. You know you will be better for it.

Gluten free ain't all that bad, even if it does take a year.

4:40 PM  
Blogger Wanda said...

You are truly in the War Zone, but we know the victory is your's in the end!

I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it....Darlene you are my HERO!!

Love and Hugs
Wanda Mom

5:43 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Hi Darlene. I have been thinking about you, as the holidays come up. Thought I would check in. :)

I am sorry you have had such a hard year. I know this Gluten free diet must be hard, too. But I have a friend who just put her child on such a diet to help treat his disorder...and he has made great strides! I hope it helps you just as much.

Much love, dear.

:)

7:03 PM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

Love you. Just sent you the unabridged love in an email.

9:11 PM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:49 PM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

the idea that it is a lifestyle change and not a diet always helps me.

in those moments of feeling discouraged and wanting to throw your hands up to the Universe with frustration over the gluten free way of life, remember your sister and how i've done it for nearly 30 plus years.

if i can do it...YOU can.

wonder twin powers activate!!!

glad you are better my sweet sis. been hopin' and praying and lovin' and squeezin' with thoughts of you.

xoxo

10:49 PM  
Blogger girl30 said...

I hear you about the two voices in the mind... and I look at you and get inspired! I've yet to battle my struggles successfully, so thanks for sharing your story and your fight.. it really makes a difference to folk like me!

One day, I'll join you - I'm trying! x

1:28 AM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

good for you D. you're kicking gluten's ass :D

i recommend you get yourself some recipes and make yourself some mouth-wateringly indulgent GF stuff... and then firmly slap the wrists of anyone who tries to sneak some of your stash ;)

Vx

7:39 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...

Give me a G!
Give me a F!
Give me a cheer
For Darlene dear
Glutton Free
The way to be!
Bake it up
Stir it up
Serve it hot!
Darlene's the best
And Glutton's not!

GOOOOOO Darlene!!!!!!

:-)))

10:09 AM  
Blogger dreamergirl said...

i hear you and i'm here for you if you need me...there isn't really much more that i want to write down here. well, except for the fact that I'm loving you :)

Sending big smooches your way!!

11:27 AM  
Blogger bella said...

Sometimes things in life just plain SUCK.
I'm sorry you are in pain and that this is becoming a long journey towards feeling better.
I think you are bing very GF about the whole gluten free thing.
Thinking of you.

11:12 PM  
Blogger daisies said...

oh honey,

so glad you are feeling better and fighting through ... much love, xox

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read your blog from time to time, and always enjoy it. Please check out: www.glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com. Not only is it a most wonderful blog, Shauna (the author) has a new gluten-free book out that is getting rave reviews. Her recipes are always phenomenal!

Feel better soon!

6:54 PM  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Yah you!!!!!

GF riddance-to gluten. It's lure is strong. I stand and bow to you. There is a strength behind what you are writing that is extremely powerful, you are naming those voices and feeding the wolf that you want to win that battle in your head. The GF gluten free one.

Hugs and snuggles

1:37 AM  

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