Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Sticks and Stones....

I spent Saturday in the hospital emergency room passing a very large Kidney stone. I didn't scream...but I sure wanted to. A CAT scan showed damage to the tract and bladder. My urine has finally stopped turning red and now I must be patient in healing.

I just can't seem to catch a break these days, but internally I have felt myself laughing about the entire situation. My bottom line is full of stubborn immovability, I refuse to give up. There is no satisfaction in discouragement, it is such a temporary useless band aid.

No matter what your situation is, yes, there is always someone else worse off than yourself, but in the end, all that really matters is how you handle your own. I think questioning the test only prolongs getting the answers. Moving forward, even if it is just mental, is the only real path to better understanding the quest.

Today, I am reminded of the "sticks and stones" I sometimes throw at myself. Lay down the weapons you feel you have a right to use. Try to remember the depth in an all too familiar verse..."Love your neighbor as you would yourself."

Our tendencies are to put the focus on the neighbor, when we should realise that true love isn't possible until we love ourselves and the road we walk on, first.

It took an actual stone and the pain that came with it, for me to understand this. Listen and hear, then lay down the weapons of your own.


Blogger Wanda said...

Yeah! I get to be your first comment. That's never happened, I'm usually 22.
Dar.....it was so good to talk to you today...the future is looking brighter...the sunshine in your smile makes me want to put on my dancing shoes.
I love you always and forever.
Wanda Mom

1:05 PM  
Blogger daisies said...

i needed these words today ~ thank you for that. i hope you are feeling better, xox

1:29 PM  
Blogger BJ said...

OMG - you just can't get a break! I loved your post and your sense of humor too. Sounds like you're doing just fine! That's why I admire you so. You can see past all of the crap and know that there's an abundance of good things for the taking!

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Annie said...

Dearest Darlene,

I haven't stopped by for a while. I was so dismayed for you reading the last few posts. But as usual, you continue to pony on up to the line again.

You are such an amazing woman. I (and a lot of other people who have come to know you even though we've never met in person) am truly blessed to be able to know you.

Thank you for allowing us to partake of your journey. Thank you for the priviledge of being able to send you our love and prayers.

Love you, you strong, beautiful and loyal spririt!!!!!


5:44 PM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Oh Honey again on this one I can tell you I know exactly how you feel and felt. I think kidney stones arfe worse than labour pains. I have passed many stones and its never easy, I also had two Kidney operations to remove the ones that grew to be the size of golf balls. It is hereditary so tell everyone drink lotsa lotsa water. Rest up sweet you. I actually sent that ecard before knowing about this so I am glad I listened to my instincts.
Love rest and may you be pain free dear friend.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I needed these words too. I spent the day feeling sorry for myself - how selfish. Life is just too short.


9:24 PM  
Blogger AnnieElf said...

Dear Darlene,

Just spent the last few minutes catching up on your May posts, your poetry, your photos. All so beautifully presented, the happy and the sad. Looking forward to this Saturday. AnnieElf

11:35 PM  
Blogger cherry girl said...

Man, you really aren't getting any breaks! I totally agree with you that you should love yourself more too. Sending healing thoughts x

12:10 AM  
Blogger gerry rosser said...

Indeed, there is almost always someone worse off than yourself. I say "almost" because, perforce, there has to be the last guy in the chain, someone who has it worse than everyone. Someone so bad off he doesn't even have a road to walk out is so a truck can run over him.
[All this comes from an Arlo Guthrie song, or maybe just some of his stage patter].

3:32 AM  
Blogger gerry rosser said...

Lay down your weary tune, lay down
Lay down the song you strum.
And rest yourself in the strength of strings
No voice can hope to hum. Bob Dylan. Notably performed by the Byrds.

In my first comment to this post, it should have said "road to walk out in"

3:37 AM  
Blogger wish studio said...

your wisdom always shines brightly. take it easy on your healing self, and know that you are loved. xo, mindy

5:24 AM  
Anonymous robyn said...

wise words today, and just what i needed to hear. i am very good at focusing on my neighbor (not always in a good way, either), but am horrible at loving myself in almost every way. learning to do that is incredibly hard, and has been something i've been feeling the pull to do for some time now.

so wise words for me today.

6:51 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

I was just wondering where you have been. I'm so sorry to hear why you haven't been around. But glad to see your unbreakable spirit is still intact. I love you.

7:24 AM  
Blogger red sun said...

what an insightful post. i'm always nervous to comment because i know someone going something similar (not the same -since all of our situations are unique- but similar), and i've never known how to talk to her about her pain.
you're inspiring in your perspective, and your words transcend the gap that people may feel between those in pain or not in pain, of any kind.
thank you for you.

8:26 AM  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

"Our tendencies are to put the focus on the neighbor, when we should realise that true love isn't possible until we love ourselves and the road we walk on, first."

~ truer words were never spoken D. It is so much easier to place the blame and attention on all things external, when instead we should be focusing on the internal in an effort to love and heal ourselves.

Thank you for this reminder and I hope that you are feeling much better.


9:30 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

Oh no!! Jeez. I hope it heals up fast.

But you are sooo amazing and wise. *sigh* I learn from you, so much.


9:44 AM  
Blogger Sandy said...

Hi Darlene - I wish for you a soft and gentle day today, full of vibrant color and tropical breezes. You need a break...


9:54 AM  
Blogger bee said...

hi, sweet woman.

so sorry to hear about your kidey stones - that must suck...but i love that you were laughing on the inside.

i love your stubbornness...your warrior spirit.

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Dreamer Girl said...

I need to come back tomorrow and read this again. Let your words sink in a bit, as so many things come to my mind, when reading this post.

I hope you are feeling better. I'm sending some sparkling moon beams your way.

I am loving you,

xoxo Silvia

1:46 PM  
Blogger Louise said...

Hope you are feeling better!!!!

2:29 PM  
Blogger Mary Timme said...

You are one smart cookie, Darlene. And it is our test and our reaction to the test that count. Man I don't like that a lot of time, having a small stubborn streak myself. And we both know that stubborn is just another word for rebellion! Argh! I really hate that, but there it is. You've gotten a new lease on living, as I hear it in your words. I'm so glad! So very, very glad!

3:11 PM  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Dear Dar,
Kidney stones are SO terrible ... rest up, love. I adore how you find the silver lining in every situation ... that in itself is an inspiration.
Much peace and love, Deb

7:07 PM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

when we were talking on the phone today and you were describing the experience, i found myself gritting my teeth and holding onto my womb tightly.


you are such a warrior...i tell ya.

i love you so much, sweet sister and want to thank you again for all of your support, always.

marmie will be a healing balm.

big huggies and kisses.


9:34 PM  
Blogger amy said...

Wow. I'm taking time to get caught up on blogs. I'm sorry to hear about your past few weeks. I am so sorry to hear about your painful passing. YeeUCK! Will continue to pray for and for Mark as he continues to heal too. I appreciated what you said about there being no satisfaction in discouragement. That is so true. I will pray for you to have a good night's sleep.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Rauf said...

water water water water, you should never be without a bottle of water where ever you are. Please drink lots and lots of it.

lot to say here, the usual causes are untimely food and popping pills right left and centre, mostly pain killers.
i am not a doctor.
pardon my intrusion.

12:17 AM  
Anonymous Dreamer Girl said...

There is no satisfaction in discouragement, it is such a temporary useless band aid.

I'll keep this in mind when I go to work: Things aren't going to smooth with me and my co-worker.

These words also reminded me that I do this job to be with the kids, to help them, to make them smile and to make them feel loved and safe- Discouragement in any form isn't going to help them. In other words; isn't going to help me doing my job.

p.s. My b-day is the 18th, when is yours? :)

Thanks for the lovely card!!!

xoxoxo Silvia

3:49 AM  
Blogger brittany said...

holy cow! I'm sorry you had to go through that!!! I hope you are feeling a little better today.

love to you,

11:04 AM  
Blogger Jenny Rough said...


You have such a good attitude about it - I need to take some lessons from you!

3:39 PM  
Blogger Becoming Amethyst said...

Hope you're healing, lovely women ~ sending you smooches xoxox

8:31 AM  

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