A Lesson from Mark
"New Life From Old Wounds"
Mark has a spot on the back of his head, a thin line at the base of his skull that won't grow any hair. This was the result of laying in the Intensive Care Unit for an extended period of time and I noticed that other patients in the hospital bore the same mark. 6 months later, it has still not filled in with hair.
Last night I learned that 3 weeks ago Mark was tested for Lupus, as this appearing symptom can be a sign for men testing positive. Mark tested negative, but as I was listening to these words coming out of my husbands mouth, I felt my world tilt and I physically had to sit down. They kept this information from me to protect me from the stress that knowing would cause. I had mixed feelings about this being done for me. "It is my right, as his Mother, to know these things!" That came flying out of my mouth...really loud and with tears.
Harsh reality..."Does my family think that I am so frail they would actually keep important information from me?" This act of protection has me feeling violated, vulnerable and weak, even though there is a part of me that understands why they made that decision. They get to see first hand what Lupus can do to someones life.
So, late last night I called Mark to discuss the news that he doesn't have Lupus. Yes, he was scared, worried and relieved, all feelings that he has experienced over the last 3 weeks alone, as a man protecting his Mother from any added stress. I had to acknowledge how gracefully he has handled this entire situation, that he is in indeed, the strongest man I know. He was silent on the other end of the phone, just listening, as tears were streaming down my face along with my words. He very quietly told me he loved me and then we said goodbye.
For years I have felt like a Momma Bear who fiercely would do anything to protect my children, but today, just for today...it is I, who resembles the cub. (n..n)
(For those who don't know about Mark's car accident and what is now his story, you will find them in my archives beginning Dec. 19, 2006)
posted by Darlene at
10:15 AM
8 Comments:
We have some of this "protective" stuff going on in our family right now too, and I think it is so wrong. But in assessing the situation myself, I think the party involved is up to speed anyway.
Just know that your family is doing the best they can and don't intend to hurt you. You're a good mama bear.
Your son is one of the strongest people I know also, and I believe so is the rest of the family. They love you so very much, Darlene, and partly because you've been such a mother bear! Be gentle with yourself. . . and with them. They love you. . .beyond the telling.
I recently had a friend go thru brain surgery. His mother wasn't told because it would have interrupted a big vacation trip she had planned for a long time. It was very hard for me to hold my tongue. I don't care if I had planned a trip to Paris for a decade - if one of my boys was going to have brain surgery (or any other scary thing), I'd want to know.
I have told all of my family not to try to edit to spare my feelings. They can't know what I can and cannot take. I understand the love behind the motive. But I'd feel like you did initially - I'm his mom! I need to know.
I love you.
Darlene - I have no words. Only tears. That may not be very encouraging. But, I pray God's comfort, wisdom, discernment, and strength for you and for your family. - Suz.
Darlene, my family had secrets for too many years....I like honesty. It was a long hard trip for our family, but it was the honesty that broght the healing.
You are strong darling, but so is Mark, and how he loves you shows in how he wanted to protect you.
I loving on you and Mark and J.
I remember a similar time when Mark was in hospital and he had to get out of his bed and into his chair and that process came with great pain on his part.
He at the time didn't want you there because it was so rough on you and he knew it he wanted to protect you.
How strong was he then?
how much love did he, even then show his mumma?
his protection of you is admirable because stress is no friend of Lupus and why worry you unneccesarily.
You may feel betrayed sweet friend and I know as a mum I would too but as I have said, as a Daughter who loves her mum I protect her when ever I can.
You need to see and know that side so your heart doesn't feel betrayed, but blessed in the knowledge of the love that surrounds you from your amazing family.
They get that from you and you know it.
Embrace that and feel privileged that they love you as much as you love them you have an amazing family.
I feel such love for you it breaks my heart to know how upset you would have been.
PS> Have you kept a secret about your health to protect the ones you love?
I am so glad its good news.
Just a thought Honey and I say this with Love I hope you understand.
I'm sure this was hard to understand why they wanted to protect you ... but my dear, it was out of love ... and I know you know that. However, I embrace your feelings regarding this and send much peace and love your way. xx, deb
A lot has already been said in the comments above...When I think of the words you shared with the world via this blog and with me via email, I can only say that Mark takes after you. Your strength is palpable.
loving you, momma bear
xo
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