Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Self Portrait Tuesday


















I found the old picture in the back of a drawer
at first, I laughed at the 80's big hair style
but then, the picture began to speak to me
I sat down and let it take me in
knowing it had something to say
I expected a profound and lovely message
instead, I got a lesson on the subject of
me
The eyes spoke of trusting that came too easily
the smile said I was content, but felt I deserved more
my posture was straight
and I had an expression that surprised me,
I did not feel completely comfortable in my own skin.

20 years ago I was fairly care free
I didn't own a house
my car was held together with duct tape
and my cupboards were filled with food
that I purchased with WIC coupons,

Putting the picture down
I stared at my reflection in the mirror
that fills the wall of my dining room
now I own my house and drive a nice car
my cupboards are filled with food
that I have purchased with a debit card
with more than enough funds in it
so, what does this face tell me?
My eyes spoke of choosing trust carefully
the smile said I am content with the
trials that I bare
my posture was still straight
and my expression didn't surprise me
at all
I am completely comfortable in my own skin

20 years have passed by
I am 20 years older
wiser
trial tried and ready
slower because
I stop
and smell
the roses now
but that hair just had to go ;^) !

36 Comments:

Blogger Cape Cod Kitty said...

And, you already had that wonderful smile!! I loved your post yesterday about smiling. It can take you so far, and create your reality! Make the day!
So sorry to read about the awful rash you are having right now and hope it will fade very soon.
May this be a brighter day for you, full of more incredible baby steps for you, Mark and your family.
May courage, peace, joy and love fill your heart today and always.
Cape Cod Kitty

2:52 AM  
Anonymous Annie Morris said...

Dearest Darlene,

If you were in Australia, you'd be called a 'good looking sort'. So, a good looking sort then, and an even better looking sort now.

Love the big hair. Mine refused to play the game, but I cringe at my earrings, some of which I unearthed last year, much to the vast amusement of the children, and to the vast horror of me. B.I.G Electric blue plastic. What was I thinking?!?!?

I rejoice with you at the lesson the picture gave. Thank you so much for sharing.

Love as always from my family to yours.

3:00 AM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Darlene, it is nice to see you as you were then and as you are now. I like you both.

To quote Annie Morris, "So, a good looking sort then, and an even better looking sort now." I concur.

I am going through some photos of a group of colleagues and myself from 40 years ago. We are planning a 40th class reunion of Army buddies. During the process I have had an opportunity to talk to some of them on the phone, for most of those I talked to their voices hadn't changed at all. I could see them as I knew them. It will be wonderful to see how we have all changed over time and experience.

4:46 AM  
Blogger Angela Marie said...

You were beautiful then and even more now. You are growing more into your own. You have been through and learned so much in that time. The choices you have made, says a lot. And that makes it all more beautiful! In life we are always learning.

I think I have some pictures around here with the "big hair"... yes, it had to go.

Do You think that look will come back????
Nooooooooooooooo pleazzzzzzz.

4:48 AM  
Blogger Shaz said...

I agree with Annie but the other thing you'd be called is a Spunkrat and a top lookin Sheila (giggle)

I remember that hair do. lol
You have always been beautiful and you just get better with age, I loved that walk with the past you.
I would of loved you then just as much as I do know sweet friend of mine.
Blessings babe xx

4:49 AM  
Blogger Candy said...

I love this post.

5:12 AM  
Blogger Jerri said...

You were beautiful, even with the hair. You are beautiful, even with the rash. Though you've got plenty of physical beauty, it's the beauty of your soul, shining through those eyes and that smile, that is so special.

Isn't life a wonderful teacher? At 52, I'm finding that the greatest luxury in the world is being comfortable in my own skin.

Light and Love and Peace to you.

5:24 AM  
Blogger deirdre said...

We had the same hair!! Mine was permed and BIG! The mirror looks back with a different face these days, sometimes it's a surprise, other times I still see the old me.
I love this picture of you.

6:52 AM  
Blogger Star said...

Although I never had the big hair (I do not have the kind of hair that adapts itself easily to the trendy looks), I did have the insecurities and behind-the-scenes stuff going on. When I see pictures of myself at different times, the feelings and memories come back and they color how I see myself.

When I look at the photo you have here, I see a radiant beauty. And as far as I can see, not much has changed. But you know what has changed inside.

Sending love and hugs and wishes for continued baby steps (or even toddler steps!).

xoxo Star

7:09 AM  
Anonymous Teresa Sheeley said...

I kid you not!! WE had the same hair! Sometimes I can still make mine look "big"! You are beautiful and what a great reflection you have!!

xxxooo
Teresa

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...

Hi Darlene. Looking back, it does always seem strange to see the journey. You want to talk to that older/younger version of yourself and find out what their thoughts were.

You look good no matter what age you are. Love your poem, guess I'll have to stop writing now. ;)

7:53 AM  
Anonymous Sophie said...

This post made me wonder how I will look back in 17 years, on the photo's and myself from this present moment.

I hope you feel better today and that both your and Mark's health continues to improve.

Sending lots of hugs and kisses!!

Sophie

8:27 AM  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

What an inspiration you are!

You were beautiful then but even more now.

P.S. I would have DIED for that hair in high school.

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

What a wonderful look at the true wonder and beauty of growing older. So often people don't celebrate this... I find it so hard to hear people be upset with their age... Thank you for sharing a true celebration of your growth, beauty and wisdom through the years.
Simply wonderful. Thank you.

Sending you warm wishes,
Jen

9:06 AM  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Some very good insights and perspective :)

Amazing how much can change in 17 years ... thank you for the reminder.

Love,
Deb

9:30 AM  
Blogger gerry rosser said...

A wonderful post, I envy your ability to assess yourself and then expose that assessment to the world.
I'm posted in the Stamping Station today, a cold and clear Tuesday in Mt. Dora. Business has been non-existent, so I've parked myself and my iBook, and I've gone a-calling.
Thanks for being there.

9:47 AM  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

Phew! How Sweet! I think that's what I'll do more of, post some back in the day pics!!! Beauty Full Darlene! xo, Cinda ps. You should seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it here, it's snowing cows and horses!!!(couldn't use the rainy phrase, cats and dogs now could I?) LOVE and prayers as always darling, XOXOOXOXOOX

10:43 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

Wow. I like the way you look at the two times in your life. When you can look at the current point in time as something good and/or better than before, you are really lucky. Only hind-sight makes that hair bad. We all fall victim to fashion of the times. You were and still are a "wikkid hottie".

Love you tons...

11:18 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

heehee...i kinda like the hair...

here's to learning to live comfortably in your own skin...and your own hair...

11:47 AM  
Blogger Georgia said...

I love your posts :)

I wonder where i will be in 17 years... I wonder if i will be comfortable in my own skin...

Loveing you!
Georgia

11:52 AM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

What a gorgeous picture! I can see a huge resemblance with your little sister boho :)
You're so lucky to be able to look back and acknowledge your changes. And, most of all, to have matured so beautifully -inside and out!
Vx

1:36 PM  
Blogger BJ said...

Oh Darlene - I can so relate to this picture! I remember this hairstyle as I sported it myself. We called it "CFM" hair. A nasty littel ditty, I might add. A picture is a picture and you have the same skin and heart. And I love what is in your heart. It takes some of us a little longer to feel comfy in our skin, but we eventually get there. And I wouldn't change my 56 years for anything.

3:10 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

Gotta love that 80s hair.....
Take care of yourself....~HUGS~

4:41 PM  
Anonymous meg said...

Yes, that hair can also be seen in my graduation portrait. So much time and AquaNet went into that hair.... Now I can barely be bothered to twist it into a rubber band! ;0)

5:33 PM  
Blogger dd said...

Oh yeah, I remember those days. My hair was actually pretty much the way it is now but more 80's looking and ...heck I had too many kids to tend, to be worried about my hair, hahaha.

You looked great then and you do now. It's all in your smile....and you have a great one...

hope the days are progressing well for you and Mark...

dd/sandy

6:23 PM  
Anonymous Lunarmusings said...

woohoo! I had that hair too! I called it my Gloria Estafan hair. Wow did I go through alot of hairspray!

Its wonderful to read this post from you and take a trip through the growth of wisdom and beauty. And the hair? You worked it well!

6:41 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

Hey, that hair was stylin' at the time! :-)

But you look more beautiful now. There's something very wonderful about a woman who is content with herself.

8:04 PM  
Blogger Blue the Spa Girl said...

You are so insightful. You analyze yourself so fearlessly. I admire your inner strength.
I sat up a little straighter tonight after reading this.
xo

8:32 PM  
Anonymous Lovely said...

Darlene: I have always loved "big" hair, and you wear it so well. I have try every day to post a comment unsucessfully. But I do not plan to give up. So if this one gets though it's a miracle and I better remember how I did it.
My love to you and Mark and J
Lovely

9:49 PM  
Anonymous Lovely said...

Yahoo! It worked. It actually posted my comment with it's spelling mistakes. But it worked.
Darlene your smile whether you are 21 or 101 will always be the best smile. You smile from the heart!
I am loving my beautiful blue necklace and earrings. I hope you are having fun with your sis.
I love you every day!
Lovely

9:54 PM  
Anonymous mo said...

You are working that big hair! Its a beautiful picture. It is weird to look back sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't seem like things have changed very much and then you really think about it and it can be suprising.

11:24 PM  
Blogger gena said...

Oh how I remember sitting in the hair salon with lots of little perming curlers in my hair, for what seemed like hours! you have not aged at all Darlene,but I agree I like being in my 40s better than my 20s.

11:54 PM  
Anonymous amy said...

what a wonderful thing to be able to say.. finding a way to get comfortable in my own skin is an ongoing challenge for me.

i used to believe that it would come from another person's love or approval but now i know that's not true. it can only come from me.

do keep smelling those delicious roses.

take care,
amy

1:42 AM  
Blogger ~Bek~ said...

I love you.
And you are so darn goodlookin' then AND even MORE now!
((hugs)) and love to you and yours.
Bx

3:14 AM  
Blogger giggles said...

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen ...oh yeah that's the seventies....love big hair...always have...I had the biggest pyramid in town in the eighties, it was so much fun. Youth is beautiful, you were gorgeous then, and you still are!

Love Sherrie

12:57 PM  
Blogger [a} said...

You were/are gorgeous. I like that old hairstyle...but then, I have old-fashioned tastes.. :)

Luv this post!

11:00 PM  

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