Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Right Above My Heart

:::::: Darlene has had another Lupus flare and was taken to the doctors for a shot. She will need a little recoup time and will update you on Mark in just a day or two. Our entire family appreciates the superior support from everyone.
Thank you for your kindness,
J















The Curtain

His big smile melted my heart, the piece of me
that was still behind the green curtain
separated by that material partition
that slides back and forth on metal wheels
no one cares about the curtain
just what lies behind it.

The poem is mine, the heart is mine, the boy behind the curtain belongs to me, but the look on his face as I sat in the chair beside him, was his. And the smile slowly turned into a frown as our eyes made the connection, that connection speaks volumnes without a sound and right then, I knew he caught a glimps of the long road before him. His eyes were clear instead of that clouded look that comes when morphine surges through his veins. One hour ago, a slow scoot to the side of the bed, the trembling as he commands his body to do things that cause great pain, his feet hit the floor and the effort of balance takes its tole. He stands and the blood rushes to his feet, gravity pulling like a weight at his tender middle and in a moment, he is finished. Now, lying again on his back, he closes his eyes and gives in to the exhaustion that washes over him. And when he opens his eyes again, it is my face he sees peeking around the green curtain and he smiles, waiting for me to take my place in the chair, so he can tell me what he did that day, his fears, the future and how it made him feel about himself. The tears...were ours.















Thank you Teresa, for this gift of love that will sit right above my heart.

74 Comments:

Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

O! I LOVE those necklaces! I'm going to have to learn to solder! Maybe not! Still praying for that sweet Mark! and all of you Darlene! Sweet Dreams!and many angels on all your pillows! xo, Cinda

9:56 PM  
Blogger Toni said...

A smile is worth a millon words.

A smile is worth more than those tears you shed.

A smile is worth that trip to the hospital each time.

A smile is something you can never lose.

A smile is that connection you can share with everyone.

A smile is priceless.

Sending a smile, a hug and positive prayers and thoughts from across the ocean,

Love to all Darlene,

Toni

9:59 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

A beautiful post, Darlene. And the necklace! How thoughtful and sweet. It is so good to hear this hope in your words...All I hear is healing love. ;)

We are still with you, friend. Sending our prayers at bed time, and a million times during the day.

ox :)

10:05 PM  
Blogger Jerri said...

Still here. Still praying. Always with you in spirit.

10:13 PM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

I got back up from my pillow! Tossing and turning, your pic of that "M" kept dancing in my head, and Mark with that smile! That "M" is for MARK and MIRACLE!!!Love and prayers,((((((Mark))))) xo, Cinda

10:52 PM  
Anonymous mo said...

You are the kind of mom all kids should have. A kid should feel THAT love. What a gift.

11:13 PM  
Anonymous Sophie said...

What wonderful words to read first thing in the morning!! And what a beautiful necklace, so thoughtful.

I´m about to light a candle for you all.

Sweet dreams!

xoxo Sophie

11:20 PM  
Blogger Shaz said...

As alaways your eternal faith and love in each other glows consistently in each word.
Love and prayers Always
I am still here daily holding your hand, Please taske care of you.
I am so proud of M he is just a champion. xxx

12:12 AM  
Blogger bb said...

What a beautiful gift to you right now, Darlene. Your poem sounded like it was describing a birth, which I suppose you all witnessing right now - a rebirth. Love and strength to you all, and my admiration that you keep expressing it all in such honest and beautiful words. love bb x x x

12:29 AM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

How brave you all are.

You are in my thoughts each day.

Your lives are in my heart for all times.

Here is more love for you all. Use it and continue to share it.

2:35 AM  
Blogger gerry rosser said...

Beautiful thoughts.
Nothing more wonderful than a mother's love.

2:38 AM  
Blogger Linda said...

Smiling, praying, hoping, believing, trusting - we are right there with you both!

3:17 AM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

The poem and the necklace are beautiful.

"...the trembling as he commands his body to do things that cause great pain"...

This sends shivers down my spine, raises goosebumps on my skin and wells tears up in my eyes. Mark is fighting so hard, continuously, so damn hard. He never gets a break. I cannot fathom his strength of body and mind. I can just stand in awe.

Sending you, Mark and the rest of the family love and strength.
Vanessa
xxx

3:24 AM  
Anonymous acumamakiki said...

I'm glad you have his photo and initial above your heart, this will do your heart good. Mark is awe-inspiring and someone I will think about when I start getting pissy or thinking something is too hard......he will just keep getting stronger each day, I know this.

4:02 AM  
Anonymous Kim in IN said...

How tender and beautiful mama. Sending you love and strength this day,
Kim

4:17 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...

(((Darlene and Mark)))))

And the rest of the family as well. Bravery in the highest order wearing around your neck. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and behold, we see your beauty. :)

4:21 AM  
Blogger paris parfait said...

Beautiful necklace; beautiful thoughts. It's wonderful to read some encouraging news about Mark, his strength, his baby steps of progress - all so important for the road ahead. You and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers.

5:06 AM  
Blogger britt said...

wow = does this mean he is actually talking these days? what a breakthrough. congratulations.

5:34 AM  
Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Wow - bless his effort, and all your love and support for him. We're still praying for him everyday, sometimes every hour. Honestly, I just get the sense that he will come through this well, and that his future is much brighter than what he sees right now. The green curtain is not the end of the story (I wish I could come up with some poetic line about a new curtain opening on Mark's life, but I'm just not that good. But that's what I think will happen :) )
Much love,
Trish

5:52 AM  
Blogger Star said...

I'm sure it's difficult to watch Mark as he goes through the various tasks that must be performed each day to awaken his body, wishing you could help but knowing the work must be all his. But I'm sure that seeing your smile and having you close gives him the courage to continue.

Sending love and continued prayers for all of you.

Star

6:11 AM  
Blogger Deb R said...

How cool of Teresa to send you such a lovely talisman to wear over your heart. It makes me smile every time Mark has a victory, no matter how small. Good thoughts~~~~~~~

6:28 AM  
Blogger hepmomto3 said...

Beautiful necklace! I'm glad to hear Mark is able to be in a more coherent state. He is so amazing and inspiring, but then...you know that. Continued prayers and hugs.

6:55 AM  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

What a lovely touchstone of sorts to have--and a thoughtful gift to you right now...the necklace T. gave you and the smile Mark did. Continued love and hope your way...
--D.--

6:58 AM  
Anonymous Teresa Sheeley said...

You are the best my dear! I just love your poems. I hope many miracles happen today.

All my Love! xoxoxo
Teresa

9:05 AM  
Blogger gena said...

Oh wasnt that such a lovely gesture! it is a beautiful necklace! I think Mark is right above all of our hearts just now,xx

9:36 AM  
Blogger AnnieElf said...

What a dear gift from Theresa to keep your heart warm and full of strength for the time ahead. Blessings to all.

9:44 AM  
Blogger SNAKE HUNTERS said...

Goodwill for Others...and

The thirst for knowledge

Are among the most precious gifts.

>

Awareness of Life's hazards also
tops the list.

We offer a Reality Weblog, for the
stout-hearted. Read the two-page 'History' post. reb

www.lazyonebenn.blogspot.com

10:16 AM  
Blogger amy said...

What a beautiful little treasure.

10:23 AM  
Blogger Lisa(oceandreamer) said...

What a most treasured gift to receive. I think about Mark and you (and your family) constantly. I wish I knew the perfect words to comfort you but alas I have only my heartfelt and constant wishes for continued improvement, strength of will and spirit and that the angels are working over time. The road may be long but the up side is there IS a road...and we travel it with you holding your hand, making you smile and wiping your tears...and cheering for Mark all the way.
With much love dear heart,
Lisa

10:46 AM  
Blogger Jerri said...

Hello again, Darlene. I wanted you to know that I'm organizing a simultaneous healing meditation/prayer for Mark on Saturday the 13th from 2:00 to 2:15pm Central Standard Time (that's noon to 12:30 on the West Coast).

I posted an invitation yesterday on my blog, www.reflectionsonthepond.blogspot.com, and have asked others to pass on the invitation in any way they feel comfortable.

My goal is to send Mark and you and the rest of the family streams of healing thoughts and golden light from every corner of the globe, all at the same time.

You are in the hearts of so many. Maybe if we all concentrate on Mark's healing at the same time, his body and soul will feel the energy and respond.

Blessings.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Ali la Loca said...

What a special gift! I am so glad to know that Mark is smiling and that you are as well. There is a long road ahead, but just being able to glimpse that road is a blessing in itself.

Strength to all of you, keep fighting!

11:42 AM  
Blogger dd/sandy said...

Beautiful necklace. Still praying Darlene for wonderful positive progress.

love, sandy

11:54 AM  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Dear Dar,
You have such a brave and wonderful boy and I'm sure his soul soars everytime he sees you peak around that curtain.
Wonderful and precious necklace that Teresa made :)
Love,
Deb

2:21 PM  
Blogger LDahl said...

Is it my imagination, or has a corner been turned?

Fingers and toes crossed!

2:56 PM  
Anonymous Annie Morris said...

Dearest Darlene,

It is going to be a long road. But the longest road is only ever travelled one day at a time, one step at a time.

Of course you're going to have to consider the long term, but just for this little while, help him (and yourselves) focus on the one foot infront of the other.

Ah, here I am telling you how to suck eggs.

You are a fantastic mother. Mark is blessed to have you.

Please tell Mark that no matter how long the road before him, he has hundreds of people from around the world that love him, and will be behind him every single step of the way - no matter what.

I do the happy dance at every single post, rejoicing that he is alive.

Prayers as always, love as always and an extra big virtual hug to your beautiful husband and daughter today... they are never far behind in prayers for Mark and for you.

3:12 PM  
Blogger Sheila said...

Each day is another miracle.
Your family spirit is so strong, so brave, this is what gives Mark the strength to keep going.

3:28 PM  
Blogger Cape Cod Kitty said...

Darlene,
So sorry the lupus is flaring. Rest, breathe, and take heart from all the love which is here for you and your family.
The necklace is the most beautiful gift.
The candle is stil lit here....Mark is making progress even though it may seem to be in slo mo.
The very best to you!

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Teresa Sheeley said...

Stay well sweet one!!


My prayers are with you all.

Teresa

4:52 PM  
Blogger Julie H said...

I don't know about Lupus, but I do hope that the shot gives you relief.

Praying for ALL of you now.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Boho said...

beautiful necklace and i know you will wear it close to your heart, always.

teresa is a gift.

4:56 PM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

Take care, Jay and let Darlene know we will be praying for her and of course Mark as always, your whole family are in our prayers!Tell her not to worry about us now, just Mark and herself! xo, Cinda

5:23 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Darlene,
We are always here, and still praying for you all, if you post or not. Please just TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Rest.

All my love.

:)

5:36 PM  
Blogger Chulita said...

It is so sweet of Darlene to let us know why she can't post for a few days; but rest assured, Darlene, that we are still here for you. You have such a wonderful young man for a son AND he has such a wonderful woman for a mother. I am sure he is as proud of you as you are of him. Please rest and take care of yourself. Still keeping you all in my daily prayers.

xoxo

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Schmoopy said...

Continuously holding you all in my thoughts

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Annie Morris said...

Dear Jay,

Please pass on our love to Darlene and make sure she rests. Take care of yourself as well, even towers of strength need care....

My lupus is very controlled at the moment, but I can +++++totally++++ empathise with Darlene, and my husband said to tell you that he can empathise with you and is keeping you in his thoughts today.

With continued love and prayers from Down Under

7:06 PM  
Blogger Laini said...

Oh Darlene, sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about your health, on top of everything. I hope you feel better very very soon. Lots of love to you and the whole family.

7:20 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Beautiful gifts - the boy and the necklace. :)

Feel better, mama...

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope you feel better soon Darlene..prayers continue. This is the last thing you need right now so hopefully it will be a short course and taper off soon..

xoxo

sandy/dd

7:51 PM  
Anonymous Dee said...

Add me to the list of those still here and still praying. May the love you feel all around you carry you through this journey.

Ciao,
Dee

7:55 PM  
Blogger Regina Clare Jane said...

Blessings on you all...

7:59 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Still prayin hard for you both!

11:46 PM  
Blogger luzie said...

I'm still here thinking of you, Mark and your family all the time.
Hope you'll start feeling better soon, Darlene! xo

12:51 AM  
Anonymous suzie q said...

Thank you, Jay, for letting us know. You are all in the hearts and minds of so many. I hope the Lupus flare soon recedes and that Darlene will soon be feeling strong enough to start taking those baby steps again..
Hoping that Mark is still taking them, however slowly. Sending extra strength for you, Jay, to keep you going and to share with the rest of the family.
You guys are such a shining example to us all, and I for one am so very grateful for that.
Hang on in there, we are all cheering you on here.
Much Love & Huge Healing Hugs for Mark, Darlene, Jay, Angela & the rest of the family.
God Bless xXx

2:00 AM  
Anonymous Sophie said...

Darlene, I'm so sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Please take all the rest you need. I hope you feel better soon.

My thoughts are with you and your family. Sending much love,

Sophie

2:14 AM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

I know that as soon as you're feeling better you'll be reading this. I'm so sorry to hear that your health has weakened a little. With all the strain of these weeks, you'll need some extra rest. I hope you get over this lupus bout speedily. Please take care, pamper yourself as much as you can and try not to get down. I'm thinking of you and Mark all the time and I'm sending you both lots of soothing, healing sensations. Love, Vxxx

2:25 AM  
Blogger Deb R said...

{{{{{{Darlene}}}}}}}
Sending good thoughts your way~~~

7:26 AM  
Blogger Uber Mer said...

I'm sending Mark good vibes, prayers, and thoughts. I hope this is a trend. I know it's going to be a long road, but like you and the doctors have said, he's young and healthy. I truly believe that he will get through this.

And I'm sending you peaceful and calming thoughts. Please be well. I hope YOU feel better soon.

xoxo

7:43 AM  
Blogger Uber Mer said...

I'm sending Mark good vibes, prayers, and thoughts. I hope this is a trend. I know it's going to be a long road, but like you and the doctors have said, he's young and healthy. I truly believe that he will get through this.

And I'm sending you peaceful and calming thoughts. Please be well. I hope YOU feel better soon.

xoxo

7:44 AM  
Blogger Libbys Blog said...

My thoughts as always are with you all! I may not be able to post for a few days as I have to go into hospital myself but I will be thinking of you all. xx

9:09 AM  
Blogger bee said...

oh, d.

(HUGS FOR YOU AND THE WHOLE FAMILY) sweetie, i know this is difficult for you to hear, but try and take some time for yourself. stress might cause lupus flares, no? and i know how stressed you are, how stressed you HAVE to be, but sweetheart, you must.

take care of yourself, and then you can be the moma you want to be. i feel for you so much, my love, i'm sending all of my heartfelt prayers and love in your direction....i love you. i love you. i love you.

i am praying for mark, and you, and the entire family.

(hugs)

10:02 AM  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Dear J,

Thanks for posting an update on Darlene ... our thoughts are with her - we know this has taken such a toll (on both of you) ... take care of each other. Our prayers continue for Mark, Darlene and your entire family.

Much love,
Deb & Lance
(JanePoe & Footpad)

1:40 PM  
Blogger ~Bek~ said...

I love the necklace... such a gorgeous gift.
Jay... please pass my love and hugs to Dar and Mark.
I continue to pray for all of you.
Bx

2:25 PM  
Blogger Goddess of Leonie said...

sending you love darby... may you feel better real soon

3:47 PM  
Blogger ruby said...

sweet darlene, keeping you & mark and your whole family in my thoughts and prayers. i wish there was something more i could do....

6:06 PM  
Blogger Blue the Spa Girl said...

Darlene...please take good care of yourself.
You must get better too.
We still talk about Mark and you everyday...hopefully our energy and that of the other friends on this blog will merge and create some kind of miracle.
xo

6:20 PM  
Blogger Fern said...

Thinking of you all. Darlene , get well soon. I wish I could give you my health right now when you need it most.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Dotee said...

Thanks for letting us know J.

Please send Darlene all my love and know I have candles burning bright for Mark (and for all of you) over here in Australia.

8:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just stopping by to wish you well,

sandy/dd
xoxo

8:35 PM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

peeking in just to let YOU know we are still here with our LOVE and prayers, just waking up to a sweet dream of golden cups, I went to this Blogger's Blog in the dream and she had golden cups stacked up, I think maybe that's what Blogging is, stacks of golden cups,(all the wonderful comments one on top of each other) golden cups full of goodness, prayers, sweetness, healing thoughts, well wishes,encouragement. strength, I wish you all these things Darlene, Mark, Jay, Angela and family and as you can see, there's lots of golden cups stacked up here! Thank God for all the prayers and well wishes for Mark! and I wish Libby "Get Well" wishes too! I'm too lazy to go to her Blog right now, I want to go back to bed and dream! lol xo, Cinda((((Darlene, Mark,Jay, Angela)))) and HUGS to all your supporters! here

3:32 AM  
Anonymous mindy said...

wishing darlene and mark and the entire family wellness and love and hope for a better tomorrow.

xo

5:08 AM  
Anonymous suzie q said...

Good Morning to you all :)
Thinking of you, and keeping the candles burning in my little piece of England.
Lots of Love to you All,
Suze xXx

5:22 AM  
Blogger Linda said...

Darlene, Mark, Jay and Angela - in my thoughts and in my prayers.

6:27 AM  
Blogger Jessie said...

you have been in my thoughts every day. and i agree with mo--you are the kind of mom all kids should have. take care. i'm sending you some strength and love with hopes you can feel it.

j.

6:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darlene: I could spit too! 18 years ago, neither Jill or Gerardo were wearing seatbelts. Jill was in the hospital almost a year, with permanent injuries and deformities. Gerardo walked away without a scratch. I was so angry. I hated that young man for what he had done to my daughter. I held that anger and hate for years, like a ball and chain around my neck. Then one day by accident or providence I ran into Gerardo face to face at a funeral home where his sister was after she had been killed in a car accident. He looked at me, I looked at him, and something in me wanted to forgive him. I chose too, and the ball and chain fell, and a peace came over me. He did not deserve forgiveness. I chose to give him the gift, and in reality, it freed me. It raises its ugly head when I read about Mark, but, I choose to continue to forgive and be free. I love you Darlene. Your honesty moves me.
"Lovely"

8:07 AM  

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