Monday, January 01, 2007

Remembering a Very Good Day & Trying

Update #19 ~ Today, right now, I can hardly type, or think straight. Marks fever was still so high (104), they skipped the chair because they think he should be wearing a back brace from now on. They are clearly concerned about his back and the infection in his abdomen. Again they removed the vacuum that is covering his gaping incision and found that it was clogged and he has been just festering. I must confess that I feel fearful and my mind plays tricks on me. Going to places I would never say aloud, but think them just the same. We were all excited about yesterdays step forward, that is, except the doctor. She won't be impressed until she sees something successfully pass from his mouth and travels through a normal digestive cycle. It will be days before he can do that. Honestly, I don't know how many days, or if it is weeks, I don't know what I'm talking about and the doctor has said nothing about time. I keep thinking about his first surgery, when I tried to hug her and she halted me to say, "Don't hug and thank me yet, we don't know what is going to happen here."

The doctors are not being negative, they just look at the facts, numbers, numbers and more numbers, that go up and down in the blink of an eye. Nothing seems to be stable right now, today. Do you know how difficult it is to see your child's doctor's not agree? The back doctor wants him in a brace, the surgeon says his stomach can not handle any pressure to hold it on. Another doctor wants him in a boot for his broken foot and another doctor says that, No, he can't wear it because he has inflatable therapy on both legs to prevent clotting. Mark has lost 20 pounds according to last nights weigh in and we have been told that he will be on a clear liquid diet for....oh, that's right, no one talks about how long anything takes, so it very well could be for weeks for all I know.

And I'm at home with the Lupus in a flare from all this stress and keep praying, "God, keep me from not having to be put in the hospital too." I did not get to visit Mark today. If the CAT scan comes back showing that he needs another surgery, it will happen tonight and I will go to the hospital. Enough of this subject.

The picture above was taken about 13 years ago. The kids and I, with the help of dad, grew a thriving garden one summer. We took many pictures through out the growing process, but this is my favorite. (Even though my hair is as high as the corn :) They learned so much and planted everything themselves. We used all natural pest controls, like planting marigolds through out the rows and a big can full of lady bugs...they truly are magical. When we were able to finally reap from what we sowed, the kids would fight to choose the vegetables of the day. So Momma decided that whomever picked the most weeds, watered, or kept the canals clear that day after school, got to choose the veggies. We had everything growing and because they planted, toiled and maintained them, they would eat them. It was the fruit of their labor and you can only imagine how many life lessons were discussed at the dinner table. I love this picture because Mark is being a goof ball, Angela's hair is curled, dons a ribbon and me? My kids are 10 & 12 here and they are almost as tall as I am. We were a team, we all worked together and created an unforgettable memory.

This is just one of the places I go to release my fears and remember the smell of dirt, tomatoes and scrubbing the dirty fingernails of sweaty, tired children, who've worked hard, played harder and end up sleeping like babies at the end of the day.

Help me Lord, I need hope and to keep the faith. Don't let me waver.


Blogger poet said...

with each day that passes, mark continues to heal. the baby steps his body is taking are like giant leaps. the set backs, though grave and stressful, are common. the doctors do know what they are doing to help mark get better. sometimes, it just doesn't seem that way. take care, and be with your memories. sending you hugs and prayers, as ever, poet.

10:25 PM  
Blogger a m y said...

I am praying for you, right now, dear one. That doctors will agree, that things will heal, for miracles upon miracles. I pray for your lupus flare, for your strength, for a good nights sleep. For you to physically feel all of the love and prayers and goodness that surround you, from this bloggie family and beyond.

We all love you.

P.S. Can I come be with you? Help you clean your house? Just sit? Bring a meal? PLEASE? It would be an honor to serve you and your family, dear Darlene.

10:31 PM  
Blogger Pink Granite said...

Still smiling over Mark's triumph yesterday, and feeling for you as you ride this huge, uncharted roller coaster. Trusting in all that is good, including well trained, compassionate, intuitive doctors and Mark's incredible strength. We are all out here, holding you, Mark and your whole family in our thoughts, around the clock, up and down the roller coaster. - Lee

10:37 PM  
Blogger dd said...

Darlene, I read this tonight and my heart goes out to you. This is a rough road but he is healing a little every day. Surely soon, they will get a handle on these fevers.

What a great picture and enjoyed reading about the day that created this memory. Like Amy above said, I wish so much I could help in some tangible way, but the distance wouldn't allow that.

I will say an extra prayer for you tonight, NOT to end up in the hospital also.

Hopefully no surgery is needed tonight.

love, sandy

11:00 PM  
Blogger LDahl said...

You are not wavering, in fact I think you are getting pissed...good! You are tougher than you think, you have to be, you are a mom. How's your daughter doing? Is someone stepping up to the plate to help her through this time?
I pray the infection will be conquered, and you get some good rest.

11:09 PM  
Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Bless you, sweetie, with the hope and faith you asked for. God has plenty, so drink deep.

What an amazing summer you guys must have had, there in that picture. The next time you're taunted by doubts about the quality of your parenting (aren't all parents, from time to time?) remind yourself: "I raised teenagers who fought over who got to pick the vegetables..." If that ain't proof of miracles, I don't know what is :)

I'm joining my prayers with you, for strength, grace, and healing - for both you and your mighty son. Remember, it's okay for you to have faith, even if the doctors remain cautious. They have their role to play, you have yours.

11:16 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Beautiful memory. Here's to keeping the faith. xoxo

11:19 PM  
Blogger Julie H said...

I am standing right here, beside you Darlene. Take a moment and lean ... Know there are others praying and being strong.

It IS a blessing that there are so many doctors working to help Mark - and if they sometimes disagree it is because they care, because they want the best possible outcome for every part of his body.


12:12 AM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

Back to the praying and praying! P I remember my brother and I hated garden work!Phew! especially stringing greenbeans! and the actual picking too! How cute you 3 look! Those were the days my friend, you thought they'd never end, these are the days that are getting you oh so tired and worn out! I am going to pray for strength and more strength for the whole MARK family! Healing too! We are still here for you, praying YOU won't waver, stay strong Darlene, please get as much rest as you can! LOVE and prayers into the night and morning light, be gentle with yourself,hoping and praying for the return of Mark's good health and yours too! I ask GOD's BLESSINGS for you all xo, Cinda

12:26 AM  
Anonymous amy said...

your veggie garden sounds like a lovely shared memory. digging in the dirt and sunshine is definitely good for the soul.. and the kitchen table.

conflicting doctor's opinions must be very frustrating. i guess all specialists see things through a different lense and some communicate in more patient friendly ways than others. when i was in hospital needing to make a significant decision about my treatment i called a meeting with the 2 -3 specialists who had made recommendations. the nursing staff laughed at me (in a nice way) but it was the only way i knew how to work through my confusion.

i hope you are able to get some rest and begin to feel a little better soon.

take care.


12:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved hat memory!
Keep thinking, and feeling, good things. Even more are on their way as I type this.
Love and prayers,

12:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that memory, sorry :)

12:43 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

my thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family. You are truly being so wonderful and courageous... even when you don't feel like you are. I send you warm thoughts and wishes.

1:17 AM  
Blogger Linda said...

Sometimes "Specialist" doctors are so focussed on their specific area of interest they forget to see the mental and spiritual strength of their patient as a whole.
Courage and love to you, Mark and your family

1:39 AM  
Blogger Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

Believing and having faith that Mark will heal is a medicine that we can give abundantly.
Let the doctors do their steadfast job, trust that they are doing everything they can, believe that even though they seems only to look at facts and figures, they have Mark in their thoughts, and their thoughts are ones of healing him too! Trusting that is a prayer in itself!
Darlene, I am amazed by your courage to come here and write. To share your struggle and fear. You are a strong woman, and your son leans on you, knowingly.
My prayers are with you daily.

ps Do not feel you need to write me, I think I can say this for all of us...We are here and our prayers are yours.

1:45 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...



Remember the faith that you had in growing? That if all the work was sown then you would reap?

It may not seem that the doctors are not a team, but they are. It may not seem that the doctors care, but they do.

Take care of yourself, you need your strength as well.

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sending prayers to both Mark and you. Rest, take care of yourself. Sending all my energy to you, so you will feel better.

3:14 AM  
Blogger Sheila said...

You are still a team, and still working together!
Keep the faith, take care of yourself and know we are all here for as long as we are needed.
This is glorious photo, you grew more than produce that summer, you grew memories. Draw on those now to help see you through.
Sending ((((hugs)))) and prayers.

3:52 AM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Sweet girl my prayers as you know are with you all, My strength I am sending just for you because without it you cant be with Mark at your full capacity draw on what I have and use it sweet its all yours. Love you my Friend xxxx

4:05 AM  
Blogger christy said...

Our prayers are lifted with yours. I'm one of those you don't know, but when we pray it doesn't matter.

I have two little boys, 8 and 6, and a little girl, 2. They often sit with me when I'm reading blogs on my laptop. The boys started recognizing your page, and I told them Mark's story. I said your blog as a place you could go when you needed to get your sadness and "scaries" (a made-up word we use a lot) out of your system for a little while. The boys said that was a good idea. Now they ask me every day "Is that boy Mark getting better?" Whether he realizes it or not, Mark has two little boys in Pennsylvania fighting right alongside him.

Darlene, don't worry when you feel like you're "empty" go ahead and rest. Mark, and you, have a vast silent army out here holding you all up.

PS: The boys doesn't really understand how far away you are or the gravity of Mark's (temporary) situation, but they want to help. They asked if he could come to their wrestling match this weekend. Jack (8yo) said, "it might make him feel better to see us wrestle." (!)

4:27 AM  
Anonymous AscenderRisesAbove said...

I know exactly how you feel about doctors who don't agree. Very hard. Beautiful photo; I can see why it is one of your favorites!

5:42 AM  
Blogger brittany said...

First of all, that picture is soooo great!! I love it.

Second, ignore the doctors. I mean no disrespect to those who work so hard for your son's life, but they have to remove themselves and be emotionally distant. They can't hope like loved ones can. They are doing thier job, which unfortunately doesn't include hope(at least not as much as a family member). Your job as a mother does include faith and hope. So I say don't pay any mind to the attitude of the ones who are disconnected in that way. Mark's physical self is weak right now, but that just means his spiritual self is that much stronger. Feed his spirit and leave the physical to the doctors.

Love to you, friend.


5:55 AM  
Blogger gerry rosser said...

Very nice photo, thanks for sharing this memory.
I'm pulling for Mark, and you, and your whole family.

6:04 AM  
Blogger mama al said...

still sending healing vibes your way dear ones.....

hope the new year brings new steps in the right direction, docs that can agree, or else agree to disagree out of your earshot so as not to cause more angst....and may peace be with you and your family....

you will get strong

keeping your candles burning, I will light one for you tonight as well, to keep your strength and your courage....

will check back...
much lovin' your way.

6:07 AM  
Blogger Deb R said...

I can see why you love that photo and memory so much. There's a lot of love's very powerful.

The kind of setbacks you describe are to be expected in injuries as serious as Mark's but I know that doesn't make them any less frustrating or frightening. Sending many, many prayers and good thoughts your way, sweetie~~~~~~

6:19 AM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

Hang in there, Darlene.

Love this photo and those memories.

6:33 AM  
Blogger Chulita said...

What a beautiful photo and what beautiful memories. Hang on to them because they are the anchor to your faith. I will be praying extra hard today that there be another turn of events in a positive direction for Mark. He has gone through so much already not to pull through. God is with him and with you too.

6:39 AM  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

Oh, Darlene...I am still holding you close in my thoughts. Sorry that it continues to be so up and down--I guess this is how it is going to continue to be for now? Then, with your own health on top of it--I just am holding you close--how about that? Your story of the children was just beautiful...those details you describe are so deep for me. The life with busy kids playing hard is my life...and though we did have a significant health crisis with my boy-o where they said, at first, we could lose him--I am just feeling such gratitude today. For my children, for your words, for every step your son takes towards healing...may there be many many many more of these steps for him (and you).

6:52 AM  
Blogger Becca said...

Darlene, I'm sorry today was so tough. It seems that's so often how it goes in serious situations like this - one step forward is so often followed by another one back. Frustrating doesn't even describe it.

But, you're holding on to that memory in your mind of you and your family working hard together to make something good happen. That garden didn't happen overnight - it took days and days of working out in the hot sun, getting dirty and tired. Mark will remember that effort too, and the goodness at the end of it. You taught him to work for something, and he'll work to get well, I know it. And you'll be beside him each step of the way.

Take heart, breath, try to stay strong (I know you must be so tired...)

With love and prayers xo

6:56 AM  
Blogger The Whole Self said...

still thinking

and praying

for you

sweet soul.

6:57 AM  
Blogger red sun said...

hold on tight to these memories. keep your faith strong. i am here, praying for you.

7:08 AM  
Blogger Regina Clare Jane said...

I know how difficult this is for you, Darlene, being with my dad during his last months of being in and out of hospitals... it was so frustrating because it was so up and down. And yes, one doctor said one thing and another something else. That was crazy-making, to say the least.
Mark is young and strong and has a wonderful family to keep him going-what more can be asked. And of course, all my prayers are with you and Mark- just be sure to rest enough and drink water. That is so important for you!
Lots of love!

7:16 AM  
Anonymous Loretta said...

Prayers today, prayers that fly to the heavens like a blizzard of doves, prayers for Mark to fight, fight, fight, prayers for the doctors that God grant them the wisdom to manage his care successfully, and prayers for you and your family, who need strength more than ever.

7:32 AM  
Anonymous Suzie Q said...

I love this photo, and your memories of it. Wonderful!
Now you need to try to think of Mark's health as a seed that you've just planted - given time and plenty of TLC he will gradually grow stronger & stronger...
Hang on in there sweetheart, in the knowledge that we are all here for you, sending you the strength & courage that you need to take care of yourself, too. Wrap yourself up in the love that's surrounding you here, and rest.
Much Love to you & your precious family,
Suze xXx

7:33 AM  
Blogger Jerri said...

Oh Darlene, how frightening for you. Please know that you are being held by the hands and hearts of so many.

Don't worry if you waver, dear one. Wavering is human, it's natural. In moments when you're feeling fear, in moments when you doubt, we hold faith for you, and we'll go right on doing that as long as necessary. That, I believe, is the purpose of this community that has gathered: to stand with God as you and yours are held in the palm of His hand.

You and Mark are in my prayers, in my meditations, in my heart.


7:49 AM  
Blogger angela said...

Hang onto those sweet memories to help you through this dreadful time.
Given the seriousness of Mark's injuries he'll take a serious amount of time to heal even though he's young and, of course, each speciaist doctor will think that "his" wounds deserve priority.
I'm keeping the faith with you...

8:07 AM  
Anonymous angela marie said...

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Do you remember this verse? My dad had cancer, we just found out. You got me out of the house, we took a drive in the country to Juda's. This verse was framed, and you pointed it out to me. You gave me a hug. I ended up buying it. This got me through. It will get you through also.

love you

8:20 AM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Thanks again for the update.

The photo is absolutely marvelous and a great morale booster for you and all of us.

You have a beautiful family.

The fact that you can question the idea of keeping up your physical and psychological strength shows me that you will do what it takes to persevere. We all can learn something about strength in the face of adversity through your postings.

That is a blessing for us all.

8:22 AM  
Blogger hepmomto3 said...

((((((((Darlene))))))) (((((Mark))))))) I pray things went OK last night. Praying for your lupus flare to go away. Thinking of you all - always.

8:36 AM  
Blogger Uber Mer said...

Oh Darlene, it's so hard to celebrate the little successes, then have to go down another hard road.

I truly believe Mark will get better. I'm still sending hugs, prayers, and good thoughts. And, please, please take care of yourself.

much love, Meridith

9:00 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

darlene... listen to me:

you have not waivered one bit. the lord has nothing to do with that... that's the power of YOUR belief in your god, your family and specifically your son.

what you also need to know is that your doctor's frakkin' RULE. i have scattered memories of painful promises broken by my docs, milestones not reached, painful backsteps (which is the norm, btw) that set me back weeks of therapy and more... it's a battle.

Mark is a warrior. a soldier with a body that's in turmoil. he needs only prime and true data coming from all sides of the fields. his docs are doing the right thing. when they lie, a patient's SPIRIT TO FIGHT can die.

that's worse than any staff infection or disease. no antibiotic can fix that.

Love him, love yourself, take care of yourself and you will be helping him in his fight.

love to you and yours in the new year. you DO have so many things to be thankful for.

<< hugs >>


9:05 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

Keep strong Darlene. I'm sorry it's such a tough time for you and your family. So many ups and downs. I loved your picture of you all in the garden. I hope your memories of those times keep you going. Lots of love to you all.

9:11 AM  
Blogger blackdaisies said...

praying for you all still ... always on the edge of my thoughts and sending out positive energy!

hold on to those beautiful good memories and feed your soul with them ...

lots of love

9:24 AM  
Blogger JanePoe said...

Dear Dar ... first off, gorgeous photo of you and the kids and what a terrific memory of the garden. No matter what you are planting and sowing with your children, I imagine you doing it with the utmost care and love. Right now you're planting a healing garden, and you have lots of us little helpers sending our rays of sunshine to help it grow. I know this is a very, very hard sweetie, especially when you're battling a lupus flare ... just know we're right there with you sowing, weeding, praying ... lots of love to you sweet Dar. xo, d

9:30 AM  
Blogger Denise said...

I know doctors can be frustrating. My boyfriend IS a doctor and he frustrates the heck out of me!
But also, he was a patient once. An ICU patient in critical care for Stevens-Johnson-Syndrome (basically a severe allergic reaction). He was in the ICU for a week and then in a regular floor room for another couple days. During that time, it was frustrating to see his stats/measurements/numbers go up and down. From Good to Bad. From Bad to Worse. Then back to Good again. It was a tough time, and I can only imagine it is so much tougher when it is your CHILD this is happening to.
Keep on trying, and keep on remembering the good days. There are many more good ones to come, I'm sure.


9:42 AM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

Stopping in once again to let YOU know YOU and MARK are on my mind throughout the day and night! LOVE to LOVE YOU Darlene! It's bright and sunny here in West Virginia today, I hope it is bright and sunny there too! Open those hospital curtains and "Let the SUNSHINE, Let the sunshine IN!!! LOVE and many prayers, Cinda xooxoxoxoxoxo (((((Mark& his sweet family)))))

9:50 AM  
Blogger ~Michelle~ said...

There are so many prayers going out to you and your family. I pray daily for you.

10:07 AM  
Blogger CT said...

Still in my thoughts and prayers...It is incredibly hard when you want answers, to know exactly what you are dealing with and it's frustrating that medicine can't always provide the answers at the time we need them most.

I am sure those doctors are doing their best, despite the uncertainty and differences of opinion. Tiny miracles happen every day, keep believing. You, your family and your courageous son WILL get through this.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Libbys Blog said...

Always one step forward and two back. Mark is a strong man, he's proved that already! Don't forget to ask questions and get them to explain so you understand! (Which I am sure you are!) sometimes we are in awe and forget to question.
Think of you sending my love across the water.

10:09 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

Oh my. I didn't expect to read this today, I'm sorry for this set-back. I loved reading about your garden and hearing the story of how much it impacted your family that summer. I love the photo and am glad you have found a way to give yourself comfort when your sick and worried. As always, your family is in my prayers.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

Dear dear Darlene,

That memory of mothering and children in the garden...Oh, my how you inspire me! I want to be a mom like that, Darlene. What a deep, deep well of love Mark has to draw apon! It is so beautiful.

I wish I could tell you that you shouldn't be afraid. But I know how afraid I would be, in your shoes. So, instead I will tell you to just keep on! And it is okay if your steps are small and sometimes shakey-- they are still steps. As long as you just keep on. That is all God asks. Not that you are strong and brave! (although you ARE, much more than yo umay feel).

I am wondering why it took so long for the doctors to move and check the sucking thing?

I am thinking of you all the time, my friend. Wyatt and I say a special prayer for you all at bed time, every night.

Oxox :)

10:43 AM  
Blogger bee said...

i love you. there are no words but know that i am constantly thinking about you and sending you healing energy.


11:54 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

Thanks for that photo. I will hold that image in my head while I pray. That healthy, whole family is what I will put before God and will claim in the name of Jesus.

God will keep your faith strong. And when it feels like it will waiver, remember that all of us here are having faith for you. And we will stand before God and pray for you. I have had so many people do that for me in my lifetime, it's the least I can do for you.

Love to you and your beautiful family.

12:01 PM  
Blogger deirdre said...

There's so much confusion at this stage, too much coming at you all at once. It's very difficult to sort out what the doctors are saying and what the next step might be. It's okay to ask the same question over and over and to expect to hear the same answers again and again. You will begin to find a rythym in Mark's care that will make things easier. I found the nurses were a great source of information and comfort. I think of you throughout the day and send hugs to you.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Star said...

This is such a sweet picture. It reminds me of my own gardening memories while growing up (my brother and I are two years apart also).

I'm sorry things are so confusing among the doctors; each is trying to from their own viewpoint and when they don't agree, the most critical area must win out (however it is they decide that).

Sending love and continued prayers to you and your family. Miracles happen every day--keep looking for them!

12:39 PM  
Blogger amy said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

12:51 PM  
Blogger luzie said...

I'm thinking of you so often, Darlene. And I wish things were easier for you.. I wish you all the strength in the world, and I'm sending you and Mark healing vibes.. even more of them, continually. Hang in there and take good care of yourself!

Love and thoughts,

12:54 PM  
Blogger amy said...

Oh, Honey. Mark's body did something is was not intended to do. It will take while. Keep up those good thoughts. It's purely selfish on my part because that way we can see more pictures of your family and hear your great memories.

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Teresa Sheeley said...

Just trust in the Lord that he has given Mark the best doctors that are available. It sounds like he is in very capable hands.

I hope and pray for your strength and wellness also. You and Mark are always in our prayers.

**Our Heavenly Father, please hear Darlene's prayers and the prayers of many, lay your hands upon Mark Lord, so he may be healed by Your hand. Give this family peace and comfort Father, and let your grace and mercy show. In Christ name we all pray. Amen***

12:55 PM  
Blogger Nic Bridges said...

Sending good thoughts across the world to you - make sure you take care of yourself.

1:05 PM  
Blogger Dotee said...

I loved the story you shared of the time you spent with your kids creating a garden. Am sure they both look back at that time with happiness and love.

And that photo is so beautiful Darlene. You can see the loveand affection between all of you.

I hope you are taking time to care for yourself during this stressful time. Was concerned to hear you have had a lupus flare up.

It must be very difficult to hear conflicting views of the doctors. Am sure he is getting the best help possible. And the steps continue. I still think it is amazing that Mark has come so far after such a serious accident. He obviously has some big things to do here on earth.

As you do.

You are much loved Darlene and I am sitting here at my work pc with brilliant sunshine on my face. Looking forward to hearing of the day when Mark takes his first steps out into your sunshine.

Dotee xoxo

1:22 PM  
Blogger bb said...

It makes me mad when bodies are treated as parts instead of a whole - though i suppose in the doctors' defense this is an extreme situation.

All you can ask of yourdelf is not to waiver in your beliefs, think of all your beautiful memories and how many more you are all going to make together :-)

Be gentle with yourself and remember how much you are loved.

love bb x x x x x

1:29 PM  
Blogger Shari said...

Take care of yourself. Mark needs you healthy, too.

Thanks for sharing your memories about the garden-growing. Hold on to that and stay strong.

Sorry about the ups and downs. Reminds me of when my oldest was born-she stayed in the hospital for nine straight weeks healing from her surgery from congential diaphagmatic hernia. ( ) So many tubes. So many ups and downs.

Hopefully soon, there will be more ups than downs.

Still praying for your health and your son. Take care.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

You have been through an unbelievable amount of stress! And yet you keep on keeping on because your Mark is still keeping on!

And we all keep on thinking of you and your family - sending those positive thoughts to you!

3:20 PM  
Anonymous mo said...

Many more prayers will come your way from over here tonight. It is so frustrating- 2 steps forward, one step back. I will also pray for those Dr's to be strong and cohesive and do what is the absolute best for Mark. I will also pray for that one Dr. to grow some compassion and understanding toward a mother's fear and accept a hug without feeling like she is sending some sort of a message. Sometimes a hug is just a hug-of relief or thankfulness or some sort of action to make ourselves feel better. I have a photo of me practically attacking my daughter's surgeon after her open heart surgery and even though you can see he was not too comfortable with it all, he hugged me back and let me have my moment. Here is a big hug from Portland for you!

3:57 PM  
Blogger Blue the Spa Girl said...

Still with you.
Trying hard to check each day. I do keep praying and hoping Mark can keep up his fight!
And you too. You need to be as healthy as possible. It is hard being a mom. But under your circumstances with your Lupus and your son the way he must be the hardest thing in the world to go through.
I hope 2007 brings you all healing.
May God see you through this. We are all still pulling for you too.

4:27 PM  
Blogger Patry Francis said...

Praying with you tonight, Darlene, and with all your friends and family.u

5:35 PM  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

Oh ((Darlene)),

The doctors with their differing agendas can be maddening.

I am sorry that Mark is hurting so much and that you are too.

As you lean over your son, tending to him and loving him, know that you too are tended to and loved by an authority much higher than the most esteemed medical establishments.

Holding you in prayer and light and love.

5:41 PM  
Blogger Karen Travels said...

The garden story is beautiful and vivid - I feel like I was right there with ya'll that summer!

Reaching out to hold your hand (and Mark's too) from here in Charlotte,


5:59 PM  
Blogger swirlyange said...

Beautiful darlene......for you this new year I pray that it is a year of healing, strength and inspiration. I pray that when the last day of the year comes, it will be a million miles from where this year began with Mark strong, healthy and happier than ever before.

I spent New Years at a powerful event called the Woodford Folk Festival. During the festival I thought of Mark and sent your family the positivity and healing energy I was surrounded by. Your family were in our thoughts.

I love the piccy by the way! My Mum had the same hairdo!

Big hugs,

6:04 PM  
Blogger Audrey D. said...

I don't know you; I just happened upon your blog and could not pass through here without letting you know that I am so sad to read the story of the hurt that has happened to your family. I am going to hold the hands of my family tonight and we will pray together for the complete healing of your son. May GOD, in his goodness and mercy, bless you and keep you.

6:14 PM  
Anonymous Dee said...

Darlene, thanks for sharing your family gardening team efforts. I'm glad you are finding comfort in those cherished memories. Like the seeds you planted then, there were times you questioned whether they would be tenacious enough to endure. No, I don't think your faith is wavering but as a mother, it is only natural to worry about the seed that grew from your very body, your dear precious son.

Feel all of the prayers, love, and strength of your family, your friends, and all of your loved ones as well as the community that reads your blog. Let it nurture and heal you.

Perhaps you could request to the director of the hospital that you and your husband attend a joint meeting with all of the specialists so they agreement can be obtained on the best course of action. It seems there should be a "general contractor" sort of doctor who directs and decides. I can't imagine your frustration at the direct conflict of opinions that are being offered. Perhaps you could merely share this particular blog entry with the chief of staff or someone in authority who can facilitate collaboration among the medical experts.

God be with you and particularly with your son.


6:20 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

Hang in there....a fever means his poor fragile body is is fighting for everything it can right now.
Our prayers are with you and your family......

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Shelly said...

Praying for many things. It is so and can be so frustrating when Drs can not agree on treatment. It is okay to have anger and all the emotions which come with something like this. It is normal. THere will be 100 steps taken with 500 going backwards. I am praying for 500 forward and only 100 back. You are not alone. So many are here for you.


7:25 PM  
Anonymous Carla said...

Darlene, you don't know me, but thanks to Liz Elayne I've been reading your blog ever since Mark's accident and just want you to know that you and Mark are in my prayers every day.

Think of the chorus of prayers and hope being sung in Mark's name every day!

Sending love, faith and strength.

7:28 PM  
Blogger Alexandra G said...

It must be so hard Darlene to make sense of it all, to balance what each doctor says and wants to do against the training and specialties of the next, but what I also read is that there is a team of many who are looking after your son and YOU are the heart and soul of this team, the fuel that makes it all possible. But you aren't a superwoman and no one should ever expect that of another so do get your rest, some real peace and quiet at home. I certainly wish you lived closer so that I could bring by a meal or run some errands for you, anything to make this time a little bit easier on you. But you are getting through this. You may not see it but the voice in your posts is strong, grounded, and beautiful, and of course, so very human. I continue to keep you and Mark in my heart and prayers Darlene. You are both amazing.

7:36 PM  
Blogger Jone said...

Thinking of you and reading your blog. Praying for strngth and hope. Hang on.

8:01 PM  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

This is such a wonderful and loving memory, and the idea of growth is such a positive one right now. I am so sorry to hear that after progress Sunday came the trials of yesterday. While I can not even begin to understand or feel what you do surrounding this, I am sure that the frustation that you feel from the doctors not committing to anything definitive is maddening. But, that being said, they are indeed there to care for Mark and to be realistic. We all know that healing and miracles take place, and are taking place right now.

It is our job to pray and sending the healing energy and their job to work the medical miracles.

You continue to be in my heart and prayers sweet Darlene. Please take gentle care of yourself and rest as much as you possibly can.


9:18 PM  

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