Friday, January 05, 2007

Me and My Shadow & Update #22

Update #22 ~ It took me awhile to figure out that I didn't really address the outcome of the 3rd surgery. Scar tissue was already creating problems with the intestines. Pinching and bending, so his right side needed quite a bit of re-repairing. He had one big hernia in the front coming from his incision and a few little ones across his stomach and side. The Doctor was very happy with Marks overall results and said that he truly was a lucky young man. She only sees these kinds of injuries once every 2 years. The seat belt cut his right side in two and his spine was so strong that it stopped the belt from going all the way and only suffered a crack. Mark is seeing an Infectious Disease Specialist. His job will be to figure out the reason for the fever and how to get this boy on the right track. He stood up (slowly) next to his bed. The physical therapists said he did well. They are backing him down from the morphine. This will help to clear his head, and allow for his intestines to wake up and do their job. However, this will also mean more pain with the addition of extra activities. *I'm smiling*

This picture was taken in July. We were at a graduation party of a family friend. My husband, Mark and I all went together. My husband loves parties and immediately starts socializing and I usually end up eventually sitting somewhere alone or with strangers. Mark is very perceptive of this and I've noticed that he is the one to keep an eye out for me and make sure that I don't end up on the outside skirts of the party. He'll get me something to drink and come sit with me. When it's just the two of us, we do a lot of talking and laughing. I've been carrying this picture around with me a lot lately. I am missing his voice, his smile and his easygoing attitude.

Update #21 ~ Mark is battling this mystery fever. No one can quite tell us why he's had such a high fever for so long. They supply us with scenarios of why people get fevers, but not why Mark has his fever. At 6 a.m. this morning, he had a severe reaction to something that is going into his body. He broke out in big red swollen blotches all over his body and his eyes swelled shut. He began gasping for air and the nurse rang for an emergency respiratory therapist to give Mark a treatment and also a benedryl shot. It helped a lot. Since it has been so many days of morphine, 3 surgeries and the fact that he is dehydrated, Mark is not very coherent. It is so difficult to see him like this. The seriousness of his injuries become more clear every passing day. Much of the muscle tissue in his legs has slackened. I guess loosing weight so quickly like he did messes with the protein connective tissues in your body. He still can't eat or drink anything, it has been 18 days now. Today they are going to try to get him out of bed to put on the back brace. He is quiet and doesn't talk much. He has told me so many times that he can't wait to come home. What are we supposed to do right now? The Doctor says, "He is not out of the woods yet and we just have to wait." (I'm an impatient person and I hate waiting!)

I am staying home today for the lupus. My husband has set up a video camera phone so that we can talk to each other, if Mark can handle that. I feel so guilty not going. Yesterday, my eyes ached as I watched him sleep, after this many days and 3 major surgeries, he is very weak and I will never get used to seeing him like this. The man/boy in the picture is the person that I spent a lifetime raising. The person lying in the hospital bed is son, the patient......and it feels very much like a long terrible nightmare. The wind outside is howling today, it sounds just like the mourning in my heart.


Blogger Rethabile said...

All my thoughts are with you. All of them.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

I'm sorry you cannot be with him today, Dar.

I know Marky would rather you stay home, rest and try to get better but it still doesn't make it easier for you.

I am glad marmie is there to keep you company and ease your worry and pain.

We are praying that his body finds a peaceful balance of rest today. We miss him something fierce and cannot wait to be by his side in a few weeks. It is torture not being with him right now.

We love you. Be the strong, gentle warrior Mom that we know you to be...that Mark knows you to be.

Just keep remembering...he WILL get through this. Even when that time seems so far away...he WILL sit by you at a party as he did before, proud to be your son.

Loving you tender,
your sis, boho

ps. this is my fave pic of you two

1:30 PM  
Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Oh sweetie you sound wiped out. Bless you with rest and peace. I know it feels like a choice, either taking care of yourself or taking care of Mark, but actually they are one in the same. Get the rest your body needs and let us know how to pray for healing for Mark's body. You are an amazing Mom, and you're pulling prayers in for your son from all over the world. Please know that even when you are sleeping, other people are banging on God's door on Mark's behalf :)
Much love,

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Teresa Sheeley said...

Your relationship is so much the same as mine and my son, Matty. I want to reach out and give him a hug, but I can't, he is gone from my side. I hope that you can rest some today and that tomorrow will be a day of Mark being stronger and that pesty fever will go away.

My thoughts stay with you, stay strong and brave, sending you all of my love.


1:40 PM  
Anonymous muselady said...

I am so happy to hear he pulled through the emergency surgery. I've been checking your blog all morning to hear how it went.
Hang in there. You are in so many people's thoughts each day.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Shari said...

Sorry to hear about the persistent fever. Isn't it a way for the body to fight better, to heal? I don't know.

Prayers are still sent along with the rest of the world.

Take care of yourself.

1:52 PM  
Blogger hepmomto3 said...

There is a candle burning on my blog and I'll light one IRL when I get home. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom, but I just wanted to add my continued positive thoughts and prayers. I hope his fever breaks soon.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

Your blog has become a temple where many of us come in quietly, softly... with sincere concern for you and your family. We walk in, holding our breath, and then sit down, listen, and pray with love and hope for Mark's healing.
As from the start and until you are both dancing on the table tops, my prayers are with you.

2:15 PM  
Anonymous meg said...

Oh, Darlene, I am just so overwhelmed for you and your family with each update. Sure, we've never met, but I still wish I could give each of you a big hug. Since I can't do that, though, I'll just keep praying (which I consider my privilege).

2:20 PM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

It's such a relief that he pulled through the surgery ok. I've been checking back every hour.

Mark is as strong as an ox, despite the severity of his condition and the days of fasting... it's just amazing.

I'm willing the fever to drop slowly and steadily... begging fate to be kind and strengthens his real, tangible healing process NOW.

And I'm thinking of you Darlene and hoping the lupus eases off soon and that you can spend more time with Mark.

The video call is a good idea to keep you connected. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man -he is holding it all together so beautifully -Mark must have an amazing bond with him.

Loving you and holding you,

2:21 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

I know Mark would understand why you need to stay home today, Darlene. You'd understand if things were reversed and so will he. I'm so sorry he's had such a rough day and am sending all good thoughts and prayers your way that both you and he have better days tomorrow. {{{{{Darlene}}}}}

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Sophie said...

I cant begin to understand how devastating this all is for you as a mother, but im sure that by taking care of yourself, you´ll help mark as well. So I hope you´ll be able to get some rest today

trish ryan wrote that even when you´re asleep, other people are banging on god´s door on mark´s behalf.

it´s true you know, i checked the time difference this morning and when night falls for you, the sun comes up over here.

So when your world is covered by a dark sky, mine lights up with a candle for you all.

xoxo Sophie

2:32 PM  
Blogger Becca said...

Mark always knows you're with him in spirit, even if your body can't handle it. I'm sure its harder on you to be away than it is for him :)

As said in a comment from Cory - I keep tipoeing in, checking up - leaving a small bit of comfort from the thoughts and prayers that I send your way throughout the day.

Love, peace, and most of all healing for all of you...

2:40 PM  
Blogger dd said...

Checking in to see how he was doing after surgery and in this day and age, surely soon they will find out the source for the high fevers. What a strong mama you are and I love the picture of you two. I saved it off to my computer because in my heart you've become like family.

Take care and will keep the prayers going for Mark and the whole family.

love, sandy

2:45 PM  
Blogger a m y said...

Take some time for yourself, sweet one. Take time to rest so that you can go to the hospital soon, so that you have strength to continue fighting for him. I am praying for you, and for Mark, always for Mark. That his body will use the fever to fight the infection, that his body will grow stronger, and that he will find strength. Much love to you, to your husband, to Mark and to the rest of your family. You are loved, Darlene.

2:46 PM  
Blogger Star said...

Wishing all of you rest, the kind that seeps deep into your very soul. I continue to hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, Darlene.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Jerri said...

Such a long, long struggle, Darlene. As much as is possible, we are here with and for you with prayers and candles and love. So much love.

I send thoughts of love and peace and very, very cold things. Truly, I meditate, sending Mark cooling, healing thoughts.

Bless you all, Darlene.

3:08 PM  
Blogger Chulita said...

Oh Darlene, I am so sorry you can not be with Mark as you would like, but you need to rest and regain your strength. I agree with shari, maybe the fever is actually helping his body heal--I will pray that is the reason for the contiuously high fever. And thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a message. Please don't feel you have to do that, you need to focus entirely on your health and on Mark's recovery. I have started another candle for him. God be with you, your husband, your daughter and especially with Mark.


3:56 PM  
Blogger Julie H said...

What a beautiful photo! Gosh, I just want to hug you both and hold you tight! And what a truly lovely young man to look out for his Mum.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

You are held up in love...
Mark is held up in love...
That is all.

So, so much love to you, my friend. We continue to think of you...


5:06 PM  
Blogger Pam Aries said...

I have beeen here before. And as I said before..yo do not know me. You happen to be in my blogging circle. I have found so many wonderful people and most are in the "6 degrees of separation" category.! I have been sending your son Mark healing vibes. My heart goes out to you and your family.

5:07 PM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

my gods what a beautiful picture. it's the quintessential shot of perfection that i would assume every mother would want with her child.

such beauty, smiles, obvious bond and love.

thank you for the update. keep yourself strong and the power of your healthy soul will help infuse mark with what he needs from you.

also, coming from the technical field (gotta have a day job to support my artistic "habit") isn't it a damned miracle things like camera phones allow you the luxury of being with mark even when you physically cannot?

amazing. love travels in all forms and levels... jes like all our communications to you.

love ya,

5:12 PM  
Anonymous acumamakiki said...

Even though I'm not commenting much, your family is in my thoughts and prayers and I read religiously every day. Try to take care of yourself, I'm sorry that you're feeling so poorly.

5:51 PM  
Anonymous Kim said...

Thinking of you mama Darlene........praying peace.......
Kim in IN

6:13 PM  
Blogger JanePoe said...

That lovely strong boy will be back ... and the spirit that filled his active body will help heal his injured body. As your sis said, I'm sure he's worried about you and wants his momma to care for herself as well.

Lots of love and prayers, especially ones directed at reducing his fever and helping his body in its healing phase.

Love to you Dar,

6:58 PM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

I can't add more to the beautiful words you already have today. But here I am, sending you prayers and love.

7:09 PM  
Blogger Sheila said...

Each morning when I see my daughter, the first thing we do is turn on the computer, and she will say 'how is Mark this morning'..
sometimes I have been able to check before leaving home, but even so, we will check again and see if you have updated your post.
The candle is still burning, we are still beside you..

7:37 PM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

My prayers and LOVE are there with YOU Darlene, take care, I wish I could seeeeeeee your picture, it just shows a red x and I click onto it, it just says 0159. jpg I'll keep trying to see it,in the meantime, try and get some needed rest and I'm so sorry for your mournful heart! Sending HEALING prayers!((((Mark & his family)))))xo, Cinda

7:51 PM  
Anonymous Annie Morris said...

Dearest Darlene,

We're still here and we're still praying. God is with you and Mark. Praying for the fever to ease.

Blogger's word verication is 'taifh'. Switch a few letters around and.....

With all the love we can send,

Annie Morris and family

7:54 PM  
Blogger amy said...

It felt like a pull-the-covers-over-your-head kind of day for us too. It was windy and cold. It drove me deeper into prayer and wrestling with God over my own issues that I'm dealing with. I encouraged people today to spend time with the God of peace, joy, and love, and I had to remind myself that I needed to spend some extra time with Him too.

I'm sorry that your body isn't going along with your plans. That must be very frustrating. I'll pray for relief for you, but the rest now, for you, will help you face the battle ahead.

I don't know you personally, but I've grown so fond of getting to know you each day on your blog.

God bless you, Darlene, and your family.

7:55 PM  
Blogger gena said...

I can only add to everyone elses sentiments,prayers are being said all over the world for you and Mark,the doctors are saying he is not out of the woods yet,but he is 18 days into the journey through them, and he will come out!

8:00 PM  
Blogger Linda said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:01 PM  
Blogger Linda said...

Taking deep slow breaths for you and Mark while you both focus on your healing.

8:04 PM  
Anonymous Claire NZ said...

I am sorry that you have to wait all this endless time.

What a brave, strong, perservering young man your baby is.

The staff around him will be watching him with an eagle eye Darlene, even it may seem like they just breeze in and out of his room (I'm a nurse and I assure you we pick up a lot more than what it may seem).

I'm sending you all my positive vibes - for a moment of calm during this painful wait.

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Dee said...

Darlene, today my heart aches from the quiet Darlene. Keep pulling those photos out, hold them to your heart, and take care of you so you can get strong again. And know all the while that Mark will continue to fight the good fight.

My continued prayers are with all of you.


9:23 PM  
Blogger Shaz said...

High fevers sometimes indicate that the body is fighting infection it doesnt matter where as long as his body is fighting. Ideally there would be no infection no fever not problems but its not and we just have to take comfort in his strength and persistance his momma is driving force in him and his love for you extremely endearing. Danicka still recieves her daily updates and still cries with me at the pain your family and Mark is enduring. She is certain that they will meet one day(shes so cute) she wants to tell his gorgeous eyes with thoughtfulness how brave she thinks he is and (how cute, giggle)
We love you babe please take care still praying and loving you from afar. xx

10:50 PM  
Blogger nicole said...

wow, that is fantastic news! standing up! your strength is amazing, as is he. hoping you get more good news very soon.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Lisa PN said...

For the past week, i have been following your story and mark's progress. I haven't commented because i didn't know what to say.

And of course, i know that a message of hope is the best gift. And so, here is my message of hope to you.

4 years ago, my dad was diagnosed with bone cancer and i took care of him and my mom (cause she needed a lot of help too) every day. My dad had a LOT of complications..and there were days that it all seemed so scary and horrible..yet, together my family showed our love and our strong desire to have my father in our lives for a long long time.

A week ago, my dad went to his monthly appointment, and was told that they didn't want to see him for a year. That his health stats were amazing..a bit of a miracle..they called him miracle joe!

and so, from a child who took care of a parent, i send you much love and good vibes and health...

i trust that the love of your family is so strong that it will embrace Mark and heal him.

Take care of your lovely shiny self during this difficult time and if i was there i would offer you a warm hug.

10:43 AM  

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