Lessons From the Woods ~Update #23

Twenty one days....21 days....3 weeks....When you become a parent and you look at that baby in your arms, you know that one day they will grow and become adults. You also know that you have plenty of life to live in between them being a baby and venturing out on their own. So, you pace yourself knowing that you are making an investment that is going to take years, on average, about 20. Raising that child takes good communication between mom and dad, making memories and traditions that eventually become consistent patterns and life styles. When your child is born, you don't count the days that go by. If you did start out counting those days, in just a matter of time you realized that it was much more realistic to celebrate the years instead of the days.

This is not so when your child is fighting for his life. You do find yourself counting the days, a pessimists becomes disappointed that things haven't progressed enough and the optimist values the long strides, using day one as their measuring stick. But, at some point in the process when the doctor makes it clear that we are not out of the woods and won't even give you a time line because it is so irrelevant in the matter, reality materializes before your eyes and it's clearly time to regroup.

Right about this time...people are really getting physically worn out. Frustration sets in, outside careers soon have to resume again and lets be real....everyone gets grumpy. Whenever we get frustrated or grumpy and act out in that state, we are making the situation about ourselves and there is no time for that. A life hangs in the balance, there is no time to start feeling sorry for yourself, or to begin taking your annoyances out on each other. What is important is that this is about Mark and doing what is best for him and that means high levels of hope, a positive attitude and patience with the poor patient that is in pain, scared and angry. Last night my husband and I had a fight. Something was said, someones feelings got hurt, someone felt unappreciated, someone doesn't like the way things are being done or not done...in other words, we were both thinking about ourselves.

It was time to re-group, communicate and fine tune our focus. It has been 21 days, but to be honest, day one melted into day two and so on and so on until suddenly 3 weeks have past and we, the parents, haven't discussed the long haul. When you don't discuss the long haul, you begin to doubt that you can handle it because at that moment, you are not operating as a team. We are a team and it must stay that way. Of course, we made up. Even as we were getting upset, we knew it was wrong. The outcome was that communication is vital to remaining focused on what is best for Mark.

Dr L explained more in depth regarding Mark's current situation and his near future. Under the wall of muscles that surround your abdomen, is a thick layer of connective tissue. It's job is to hold all the stringy muscle tissue together, therefore creating a decently strong wall to keep your intestines and other organs in their right place. This wall of connective tissue died as a result of Marks injuries. His muscles ripped against the grain, from the right front around to the back. How can stringy torn muscle tissue be sown back together with out that special adhesive layer? The answer is...not very well. For however long Mark's body decides, every time Mark stands or sits up, his muscles will tear, he will bleed internally and need blood like he did last night...3 more pints. As long as he stays laying down, his bowels will never begin to work and could continue to die from a lack of use. So, he must stand and spend his allotted time in 'The Chair' which causes new tears and more bleeding. Almost every day he will have a CT scan to check for "leakers" or "gushers." Leakers slowly heal themselves and Mark can always get a pint of blood to maintain that while it heals. Gushers, on the other hand, means a surgery and right back to square one. He is still not able to drink anything, or eat anything until this long process corrects itself. And THAT is just one issue. Lets remember that his back is broken, as is his foot and he has pneumonia and asthma.

What a walk in the woods.......Mark is scared, he has voiced that he feels his life is over. It is NOT over, but in reality, it will never be the same. Today, he stood up 2 times and sat in the chair for one hour. His morning blood test will determine if there is any new tearing. In time....just like myself, he will learn that their are people out there much worse off than he...and he will feel gratitude and contentment with what he has. But right now.......he is 24, you can only imagine what is going through his young mind.

I am lifted up and smiling today. I laughed and heard myself laughing and then I cried because it felt so good to be laughing...silly girl :)

I am embracing each one of you. Soaking up your words and packing them inside my heart. Each word allows me to take one step forward...one step at a time right through the middle of these woods. I love you * I cherish you * I thank you xo D