Thursday, January 18, 2007

I Could Spit!

The phone rang first thing in the morning and I answered, "Hello?"
His weak voice met my weak voice and he said, "Mom?"
He was calling to tell me that he wanted me to stay home today. He could tell that I was tired, in pain and needed to rest.
"But, I'll miss you Mark." I said.
I could hear his breathy voice in each word, "I'll miss you too, but you need to rest. Rest mom, I'll be home soon and you need to rest for that."
I knew what he was imagining. That picture of his mom on a bad day, pale and needing to lay down. The thing that broke me when I hung up the phone was his recognition of an other's need, while he is dealing with his own. That he called me before I would get the chance, to set my mind at ease, and relieve me of my duties for the day. He was giving me permission to take care of myself, rather than take care of him, be it mentally or physically. And as I stared at the phone, long after I had hung it up, something in me stirred.

Anger. It surfaced all on it's own, completely out of context and I thought I was going to self-combust. I've been suppressing it, hoping that it would eventually dissipate, but it obviously wasn't going to. When you let go of anger, is there a specific place where it goes to? I hope so.........

I'm letting go of the following and ask that it be replaced by peace:

* I am angry at the driver that made such a stupid decision.
* I am angry that Mark even got into that car.
* I am angry at pain.
* I am angry that lessons can't be taught another way.
* I am angry at lupus and fibromyalgia.
* I am angry that the driver already had a DUI.
* I am angry and I choose to let it go.

Something I often think about, where my mind would go as I watched Mark's chest rise and fall, not breathing on his own, is how many times people get into cars without even realizing that they are at the mercy of the one behind the wheel. How many times do young people leave parties or gatherings and 'hop a ride' with someone they hardly know. This is the nightmare that parents worry about. This is what we think as they near the age of getting their license. For me, this is what Marks story is about.

I have felt compelled to share this journey that is not yet over. Many of you have been drawn into it. You have cried, you felt worried and relief. Please, for me and for Mark, tell his story to your children, to your grandchildren, to your students and neighbors. For me...and for you, this is more than a story, this is real and supernaturally, you have been moved by it. Promise me you will not forget Mark's story. Promise me you will tell it to someone who might need to hear it. And when you tell it, don't start with, "I read this story...." I'd much rather you said, "I know this boy named Mark...." His seat belt saved his life, it caused a lot of injuries, but he would not be here today had he not used it. But even more important than that, none of this would have happened, if he had never decided to get into that car in the first place.


Blogger gena said...

you are so right Darlene,my eldest daughter is 17 all of her friends are getting there driving licenses and offering to give lifts here and there, it worries me sick, I am going to talk to her today and stress the importance of just not accepting lifts in this way.
You get some rest today, Mark is right, you need to take care of yourself, and thank you for this, it definately touched a nerve with me, and I need to act upon it.xxxx

11:57 PM  
Blogger Goddess of Leonie said...

hugging you babe,
and holding the space

12:06 AM  
Blogger bb said...

well i guess you answered the questions in my email! i think we'll all take his lesson with us. and remember you have to feel the anger before you can let it go - else you might just be in danger of burying it. it's as valid as an emotion as anything else - and more than justified in the circumstances. there's no need for you to skip through stages, sweetness. hugs across the globe ;-) love bb x x x

12:21 AM  
Blogger angela said...

I'm happy that you can let the anger go. you'll feel and heal much better and so great that Mark can actually pick up the phone and call.
You asked me awhile ago for an email address which I couldn't send publicly and as H. doesn't want outlook express enabled i can't reply. The same thing's true of all emails on blogger, I think.
I'd like to have the ability to "speak" to you directly but for that you should email me directly with your email address.
I hope i didn't upset you before when I said that because i notice that you've not been round!

12:56 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...


Anger is good. There is nothing wrong with allowing it to surface. You can choose what to do with anger and turn it into positive energy.

I am always cautious about other people driving. I'll tell others about Mark. He's not just someone I heard about somewhere.

1:57 AM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Hey sweet, Oh wise and Beautiful one. I wish I could carry some of the burden of your physical pain, emotionally you are going through exactly what you need to, but physically my heart is breaking for your pain I want to hold you up so you feel lighter than air I want to carry you through pain free, my prayers are the usual but an extra prayer for physical strength and a more painless exsistance for bth you and Mark is my priority.
Holding you from a far and Lovin you close. xxxxx

2:30 AM  
Blogger luzie said...

I'm glad you put your anger in words, Darlene, it makes it less draining.
I'm still checking in regularly, still thinking of you and Mark. I hope you can rest a little today, take good care of yourself. xxo

2:32 AM  
Blogger Cape Cod Kitty said...

Your anger is so well placed and you have the correct approach. All so "right" and I am sure that anyone who has been following your story will be sure to pass the word to their loved ones and others. There is such a powerful message here.
Mark's phone call is so touching and it shows, once again, what a beautiful spirit you and J have imparted to him. Also shows that he is hopeful to be home soon and that will go a long way to hasten his recovery.
Sending you all the peace possible...your jewelry is beautiful, by the way...a reflection of your spirit.
Rest, heal, FEEL!
Cape Cod Kitty

3:00 AM  
Blogger Alexandra G said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:07 AM  
Blogger Alexandra G said...

I couldn't forget Mark's story if i tried and I do promise to share his and your story whenever the opportunity arises. I actually already did recently as I know someone who was in a drink driving related situation and it made me so angry knowing what the consequences could have been. Life is too precious and no one has the right to get into a car without full focus and attention. Honestly we do forget that a car is a lethal weapon. We shouldn't be on our cells diverting attention away, fiddling with food and make-up, etc. I say this to remind myself but thank you for reminding us to learn from and share MaRk's experience. Such a beautiful thing he did calling you today and worrying about you from his own bed. You two hvae much, much love and new memories to share and create yet. All of you, the whole family. What you all are doing for one another is what makes life worth living for ultimately.
-Alexandra G (Marvelous Madness)

3:09 AM  
Blogger Linda said...

Glad to hear you finally managed to "chuck a wobbly" (Aussie term for "have a tantrum") Feel free to yell, scream, stamp your feet and punch pillows (best to avoid other family members and friends - they might not appreciate it!) Let it all out physically - it's gotta go.

3:27 AM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Once again your story is full of love and hope. Without them what else is there?

I applaud your decision to let go of the anger and doing it so publicly. May peace be with you to allow your love to blossom even more.

Perhaps all of your blogging friends will link Mark's story from the beginning. I am sure that will be another way to get the story out there. I plan to send that url to my wife's nephew who is at that stage of experimentation with the adult world.

Thanks again.

ditto for what linda said.

3:50 AM  
Blogger Fern said...

As you wish.

3:54 AM  
Blogger Constance said...

In our family, a driver's license is nothing more than a plastic permit! Depending on the child and maturity level, my husband & I continued to drive with them after they got heir "plastic freedom". We drew up a contract of what was permissable and what was not. My husband is a defensive driving instructor for the BNSF Railroad so they also have to pass dad's test! (Yikes!)

I have told them,

"If I don't allow you to go driving around with hardly any experience behind the wheel, do you honestly think for one second I'm going to let you ride with one of your friends? They're not any more experienced than you are!"

I have never understood those parents who couldn't wait for their kids to be able to drive. Not me! Our youngest turned 16 this past October and he's not even driving yet! There is plenty of time for that down the road! he'll be learning this year but in the meantime, I will continue to run him to his guys bible study and guitar lesson 45 minutes away. I'll wait around for 2-3 hours for him to finish. I'll enjoy the discussions we'll have on the 45 minute drive back home, I'll drive him and the huge horde of teenage boys to Youth Group on wednesday nights. Before I know it, he'll be in college, my job pretty much done. I'm savoring what little time I have left to mother my youngest!

Regarding anger: I learned a lesson the hard way. I surrendered it to God and basked in His peace. It wasn't long before the enemy (satan) drug it back up and taunted me with it once again. I had to verbally remind him and myself, that God had taken that anger and it was no longer an issue for me. I didn't quite believe that the first couple of times, but by the 3rd time satan threw it in my face, it had become a reality!

4:04 AM  
Blogger magicaldamselfly said...

Yes, Darlene, I will make you that promise. I am sending a link to your blog to my daughter so that she can share it with my granddaughter who is just 13.
My youngest daughter knows all to well of the results of wearing a seat belt and I thank God that she wears hers.
One thing is for sure Mark's story will be shared.
As for Mark giving you permission to take care of you,,,,accept his gift and use this day to heal yourself and perhaps at the end of the day you could set aside a special time for you and J, time to heal the two of you as well.
Thank you for sharing your son with all of us, for accepting our strength to help you through this and for asking us to share your journey with our children and grandchildren.
Take care of you!

4:12 AM  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

Anger is a much higher vibration than helplessness and despair. It is a step in the right direction on the way to peace.

You have a lot to be angry about. Allow it so that it may move through and be gone.

What a strong and thoughtful young man Mark is. We will definately share his story.


4:19 AM  
Blogger Sheila said...

Anger is good..! Letting it go is good. Anything else does you so much harm. I heed your words, and many people have heard from us about Mark, the how's, the why's and the what if's...
If it saves one life it is worth repeating.
Driving a car while intoxicated is pointing a loaded weapon, and penalties are far too lenient.

5:13 AM  
Blogger puananim said...

Thank you for the permission to share Mark's story. will save my son's life some day. Your generousity of spirit insipires my mothering.

5:38 AM  
Anonymous kristen said...

It's good that you're feeling angry and I'm PIST to learn that the driver had a DUI under his belt and was still on the road. This is what scares me about driving and after reading the posts here, my husband half jokingly said maybe we should move back to NYC so our daughter doesn't have to drive or get into a car until she's graduated college. There's something to that I suppose. Mark's story has had a huge impact on me, I won't forget.

5:42 AM  
Blogger Libbys Blog said...

There was a news article on the TV about 2 christmas's ago, given by the police who said there was more chance of being in an accident, if you got into a car driven by and under 25 male, than getting mugged on the walk home. This was just after my daughter had passed her driving test!
I thank goodness we live out in the sticks, and that it is usually her that drives. We are fortunate that she also follows are lead and if she is driving prefers not to have any alcohol at all, which makes us very proud of her!
You can tell Mark he is not the only one having problems with consistency of 'poo' although mine are totally minor to his they still cause lots of embarressing discussion!! Love to you all xxx

5:54 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

Wow, I'm amazed that Mark could manage to call his Mom and ask her to take care of herself. What an awesome young man! I've been taught that emotions aren't wrong, it's what we do (react) with them. I've also been taught that we are only as sick as we are silent. So let the anger and frustration come and welcome them. I promise to share Mark's story, actually already have been. Quilty hugs and wishes for a day of rest and peace for all of you.

6:07 AM  
Blogger Star said...

It's good to get the anger out; left inside it would fester and keep you from moving forward. What a sweet a caring person Mark is for being concerned about your welfare while he is struggling with his own 'stuff'.

Mark's story is so important and I've already shared it with many, soliciting their prayers and making the circumstances known. As Alexandra said, many people are busy with other things like cell phones and checking their makeup in the mirror, so the flip side is that we must be good defensive drivers as well, looking out for others who may not be paying attention to their driving and wander into our lane or miss a stop sign.

Your message is important and by sharing it here you may be saving unseen lives.

Do take care of yourself, Darlene. The road may be long and Mark will need you to walk it with him. Wishing you mental and physical peace today so you can rebuild your strength in all areas.

xoxo Star

6:45 AM  
Anonymous Kim in IN said...

I remember when my 26 yr. old daughter started driving. Being a very level-headed young woman I didn't worry as much,but still had to swallow alot when I'd watch her walk out the back door. It IS every parents nightmare Darlene,and you have lived it,are living it.But Mark is ALIVE!! Thank You God for saving him,for healing him,for soon bringing him home. The road is long but it is paved with faith.
I promise I will tell Mark's story.
I will share him with others.
Candle is lit,love is sent,

7:01 AM  
Blogger Deb R said...

I promise to share Mark's story with my 16 year old nephew and 17 year old niece.

Maybe you could write down all the things you're angry about on a piece of paper and then burn it, while consciously concentrating on the idea of letting go. That can be surprisingly cathartic.

Sending love and good thoughts your way, Darlene. I hope both you and Mark (and the rest of your family!) have good days today.

7:06 AM  
Blogger hepmomto3 said...

You had to release that anger Darlene. And I'm praying that like you ask, it is replaced with a sense of peace. Don't be surprised if it resurfaces again though. xxoo My kids will know all about Mark when they get older. He is amazing. YOU are amazing.

7:11 AM  
Blogger red sun said...

i hear you lady! and i promise to tell people about Mark. i already have, and because of your blog i feel that i can tell it with a more personal touch.
your will of letting go of your anger is so inspiring. i wish you peace, and healing. for both you and Mark.

7:17 AM  
Blogger deirdre said...

The anger is healthy. I haven't figured out the letting go bit yet, but I do know that it's something you need to pass through. There's a kind of "work" anger does on your soul, not destructive anger, but the kind that cleanses and moves you forward. It's okay to be angry - really angry - just remember to breathe. I'm sending a hug to you.

7:26 AM  
Blogger Uber Mer said...

D ~ I haven't commented in a bit, but I'm here every day, thinking of you and Mark.

I wanted to say that it's okay to be angry, hell, you have every right to be angry! But, it's what you do with that anger that's important.

I know Mark has made me think about how lucky I am, and to really cherish my family. And, by all means you are not inadequate, AT ALL. You are an incredible mother, and caretaker. Everything will fall into place soon... just give it time to heal.

Please be well today, and get some much needed rest. ~ Meridiht

7:37 AM  
Anonymous mo said...

It must have been nice in a way to have his voice coming over the phone- doing something that used to come so easily. What a kind hearted lion that he thinks of his Mom's health and well being. As far as the angert goes, I don't know where it goes to. I thnk carrying the burden of that anger must be so difficult. It would take every ounce of my power not to go "mama-bear" that driver. To shake him and really make him understand his actions. But where does that get you? I think it is probably a slow process to let go of anger but I do think, at some point, the anger will go away. I have never been very patient with that sort of thing which probably makes it stay longer! But your heart is so compassionate. Mark is getting better everyday- and I bet the better he gets, the less you will feel angry.

7:42 AM  
Blogger daisies said...

letting your anger out has helped us here ~ my twelve year old son knows of your story and today, i read him this, hoping that it sticks in his head ... thank you for your anger and this letting go of it ...

sending you peace

7:46 AM  
Anonymous Teresa Sheeley said...

I think a hard thing for me to always grasp is the consequences we have for our choices. Usually the bad choices, but sometimes good choices come with consequences too. Since Mark's accident I can reflect back at how many times I got into a car with someone whom I should have never got in a car with~angels were watching me then, and angels were with Mark too. Here at my home front we discuss Mark's accident and it really hit a spot with my son I believe, about not riding in a car with someone no matter how much they say I am okay to drive. We all need to recognize that inner voice some say our Holy Spirit telling us what we should do, but sometimes we do not hear that until after the fact. Mark had his speaking to him to put that seat belt on. It saved him and in turn taught all of us reading about Mark's lessons we need to listen to. His purpose has been great. And I don't think he is done yet. You have a very special young man and I feel very proud to have got to know him a bit even in the midst of these circumstances.

Okay I am finished writing my book now, and hey, how exciting to see your beautiful jewelry out here for everyone to see! People you cannot believe what quality you are getting when you buy one of Darlene's necklaces. Fantastic! I can't wait to buy another!

Love you dear one~have a peaceful, restful day, soon you and Mark will be home together to share some very treasured moments.


7:47 AM  
Blogger bee said...

i love you, sweetness.

all my friends know. and their friends know too.

7:55 AM  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

Spit again Darlene if this helps, I think I will try it! I have shared yours and Mark's story and will continue to do so*** rest, rest, rest*** LOVE and HEALING prayers, xo, Cinda ps. those necklaces are SWEET! like YOU!((((Mark and whoever else needs a hug!))))

8:00 AM  
Blogger windyangel said...

Darlene, thanks for sharing the anger. I was stunned when someone close to God said I should express my anger to God. I thought at first what a horrible thing to do. But then I realized, and as I think about it now, that it is best to share it with Him so we don't hurt another human who may not understand, maybe especially ourselves by trying to hold the anger in. Another friend said they yell in the car. They yell and yell. They are by themselves and most probably in the country. Another has tried to teach me to yell or scream or whatever is required in my own mind so I can get past it. Thank you for expressing your anger and not letting it consume you.
I think it is admirable that Mark is able to recognize your pain and comfort levels. It shows what a strong, compassionate, loving son you have raised.
YES! I will continue to tell my daughter about my friends Mark and Darlene. I agree. All children should know Mark's story.
Thank you. Love you.

8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know this boy named Mark, his wonderful mother Darlene, their family and their many, many friends from around the world.
How do you explain something that is a miracle. Yes there is a life lesson in all this. But how do you explain the circle of love that surrounds all of you from complete strangers. This miracle came from your heart Darlene. By you talking to us about your dear Mark you have united together people from all over the world. You are responsible for this miracle that is healing Mark.
I'm at a loss for words
Please take care of yourself

8:56 AM  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

D~ I would be angry as well, how can you not be? There comes a point where you do NEED to acknowledge it, and then to set it free, just as you are doing.The thing about anger is that it does not change anything. We feel it; it is very real, but we can not go back and change the course of events based on it, or anything else.

You are transforming it into lessons, and that IS something that you can affect. None of us will ever forget this. The events that took place prior to this horrible event do indeed happen entirely too often. I am not even close to that place yet w/A; however, there will come a day, and I will remember this, and I will explain it to him.

The anger comes from the needlessness of this. This did not have to happen. Now that it has, may we all take the important lessons learned from it and embrace and use them. Those lessons span everything from the pre-accident to the accident itself to Mark's strenght and healing after the fact. They come from the way you and your family have banded together. They come from the fact that a higher power has made it clear that Mark still has a long life ahead of him.

That fire you show in your picture? I love Deb's idea of writing these things down and then burning them. Remove any and all power they have over you. Destroy it.

I wish you peace and rest today, as well as continued perspective and soul healing. And, as always, prayers and healing to Mark.

Love to you,

P.S. Beautiful necklaces!!! :-)

9:19 AM  
Blogger amy said...

Powerful. Powerful. Mark better get better quick so you all can start touring with your book and lecture.

Its been all business 'till now. Things are settling in. You are on to the next phase, but you are trying to deal with it the way you feel you should. It reminds me of a couple of verses. John 14:27 (NLT) "I am leaving you with a gift; peace of mind and heart...So don't be troubled or afraid." and 1 Corinthians 14:33 (NASB) "For God is not a God of confusion but of peace..."

Thank you for sharing these things with us Darlene. We will continue to pray for strength & healing and we will continue to share Mark's story.

9:35 AM  
Blogger dd/sandy said...

Hi Darlene, that anger you experienced is good, you need that release. I would be so angry too every time I thought of that young man who was driving. I would only hope that some day I could get over that resentment but it would be so hard.

My sons are older now, not teenagers but they can still benefit by Mark's story. I remember so many nights worrying about them when they were out and I knew they were going to a party. I would nag nag nag and I know that sometimes, it didn't help.

I am amazed that Mark had the strength to call you, so that shows more progress.

Still checking in and praying for you all.

sandy, xoxo

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Darlene, that anger you experienced is good, you need that release. I would be so angry too every time I thought of that young man who was driving. I would only hope that some day I could get over that resentment but it would be so hard.

My sons are older now, not teenagers but they can still benefit by Mark's story. I remember so many nights worrying about them when they were out and I knew they were going to a party. I would nag nag nag and I know that sometimes, it didn't help.

I am amazed that Mark had the strength to call you, so that shows more progress.

Still checking in and praying for you all.

sandy, xoxo

9:46 AM  
Blogger LEstes65 said...

I want to give you hope that your story isn't just dissipating into the ether. I have lost friends to drunk drivers. By the grace of God, I have survived my own stupidity when I got into a car with a drunk driver. As a mom of 2 young boys, your story is my nightmare.

Recently, I talked to the parents of my good friends and neighbors and talked about wanting to have a pact between our two families. When our kids were of age (theirs will be sooner than mine), I want to make a contract with their kids. They call me any time of day or night to come get them - no questions asked - rather than getting into a vehicle with anyone under the influence of anything. They would come home with me having amnesty. They would deal with their parents the next day. This way, I can call the parents, say I'm going to get your kids - they'll be at my house.

This post made me renew these discussions. As a youngster, I had a similar "out" - a family friend that I knew I could go to in order to get that kind of safety and amnesty. It wasn't always perfect but it kept me safe at times. And being able to call her - rather than my mom - was easier. I know now that my mother would have driven anywhere to pick me up no matter what I had been doing - just to get me home alive. But as a teen, I just figured she'd yell and be the enemy.

So I am renewed by this post and will promise to make that contract with her kids and any other kids in our neighborhood. I'll do it in honor of you and Mark.

9:52 AM  
Blogger bb said...

p.s. LOVE that you have your jewellry online :-)

10:51 AM  
Blogger Snog Dot said...

The anger is a good thing, let it out - all the way out - so it won't come back. And Mark's right. You need to take care of yourself and be well rested for when he comes home.

1:22 PM  
Blogger Jemima said...

"* I am angry and I choose to let it go."

This line has comforted and helped me more than I can say.

1:34 PM  
Blogger Gracey said...

It's good for you to express your anger. My father is a police officer and has seen many accidents such as Marks in his 27 years of service. He stressed all the points you made to the extent that I did become a worrier about these type of things. I wish Mark had never gotten in that car in the first place and I wish he would have taken the keys from his coworker's hands and insisted on driving. I think those two things will linger in his mind for the rest of his life. He made a mistake, a life-changing mistake, but he's going to come out of it to be a testimony to many people and because of what happened to him, his story may save many lives throughout this lifetime.

God uses the bad circumstances in our lives to produce positive ones later. So many people are praying for you. Be strong and take care of yourself!

1:52 PM  
Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Hi Darlene,
How I want to give you a hug right now (and perhaps bring over a crew of friends to clean your house, catch up all the laundry, and leave a teeming vase of tulips on your table for when you wake up from a nice long nap!)

I think Jesus promises pretty specifically that he can take our anger from us and give us supernatural peace instead...I'm so moved by how you give it over. I'm adding my prayers to your bowl, asking for peace for both you and Mark.

How awesome his gesture was - that is quite a man you raised :) As you said, this story is not over, and I believe in happy endings!!!
Much love,

2:06 PM  
Blogger Kim - ScrapToMyLu said...

I promise. :) My son is only 7, but already worry about him being a teenager.

2:58 PM  
Blogger ~Bek~ said...

Mmmmm... the bloody anger.
It is a useful tool... and something that is required to be experienced before you can move past it.

As a fellow Mother... I am furious for you and for Mark... but I know that things are on the up and up and improve every moment, every day.

And that is what I pray for constantly.

(((hugs)) and love to you, Mark and the family.


3:03 PM  
Blogger Linda said...

After you express/let out your anger I hope you can take a deep breath, relax your body and accept the following Celtic benediction

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shinning stars to you.
Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Yes, Darlene. I always warn people about the dangers that cars can really be-- even when someone is not drinking. People just don't seem to realize the destruction that can happen in the blink of an eye. I worry NOW for the days when my kids will be wanting to drive and ride in other kids cars!! Holy crap. It gives me an anxiety attack!! Because I know only too well the reality. I just hope they will listen to me.
...And not drive until they are 18.

I would be sooooo mad if I were you. You have to feel it and let those feeling flow out of your body. It is not good for you to keep it locked inside.

Something my pastor told me, when I was beyond anger at the drug pusher who got my baby brother started on drugs...He told me that it was okay for me to be mad. Because he said God was mad, too! It was only important that I channel that anger in a productive way.(So I started a letter writing campaign to the DA, until she was put in prison).

You are channeling your anger in a productive way by asking people to use Marks story to keep others safe! Maybe you could even write something about this experience and share it in some way where kids could read it. Purpose. You will find the purpose.


4:11 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi Darlene, I'm here because Jack k posted about your family crisis, from across the world your sad story has impacted on all who are aware of it.
Take courage and strength from it and cling tight to your loved ones who are sharing your pain.
The very best to you all and especially to Mark.

5:16 PM  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Dear Dar,
Such an important lesson to pass on ... I think about all the stupid mistakes I made in my youth, hopping rides with those NOT qualified to be driving - one resulted in an accident, but luckily my injuries were superficial.
Yes, the anger is part of the grief. You are grieving this experience. You are grieving the life you had before the accident.
Sending much love to you my dear friend. Hugs, Deb

10:30 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Darlene, I have two teenage sons, both are learning to drive at the moment. A few weeks ago when I came into your site and read the events that took place and since then unfolded, I have relayed Mark's condition and how he got that way to my children. So yes I have used his life as a lesson, hoping my children will learn from it.

I did start off initially by telling them I had read this story....but now when I talk to them about updates etc, I always say Mark and Darlene, and they of course know exactly who I'm referring to.

Under the circumstances I too would be feeling a lot of anger. I hope you find peace by letting it go. What an incredible young man still thinking of you at this time. What a selfless and beautiful person your Mark is.

12:15 AM  
Blogger LADY LUXIE said...

I have told and told and told my sons this story...I have no words to say how much I thank you for sharing what happened to Mark...sharing your pain...sharing your life...

Please...I want to say exactly what feel...but words aren't enough....

only if I were anwhere around you...I would have my arms aroud your neck giving you a very very tight hug...

you are an amazing woman!

4:20 AM  
Blogger Candy said...

Mark's story has had a huge impact on me. On Dec. 21st our dear friends (close enough that we call them our family of choice)lost their 19 year old son, Tyler Sheets, in a single car accident. Tyler was alone running an errand for his mom. He was on a country road and I understand he wasn't wearing his seat belt. My husband and I were in the birthing room when he was born and my husband named him. Tyler was an amazing young man. I still want to cry, maybe I always will. Soon after that I stumbled upon your blog and Mark's story. How I have prayed for him. And for you to have the strength to carry on - to carry him. Trust me, this is one story that has been and will be told, especially to my 15 year old son. I rejoice every moment with you that he is coming home and that he is alive!!!

8:26 AM  
Blogger paris parfait said...

You're so right - a cautionary tale for all. What a gem of a son Mark is, being worried about you before himself, even now. He's a credit to you and your husband. And he's right. Take care of YOU too.

10:46 AM  
Blogger HoBess said...

Darlene, I come here via Liz, Alexandra, Melba and others ... so grateful for you that Mark is coming home and I promise, especially as my own children grow up, I pRoMiSe to tell your story. Love to you and your family ... and gratitude for your strength to share so much of yourself.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Angela said...

Wishing you peace as you release your anger. You are an incredible woman of strength....and your young man is so lucky to have you at his side as a "cheerleader". As a mother of 4, I can't imagine facing the struggles that your family has faced this past while ~ to watch your baby struggle is your love and faith, along with the love, prayers and support of many that has carried him so far on his journey. Thank you for so openly sharing your journey, your family's journey so that we may all remember how very precious each moment is. Loving thoughts and prayers are with you all.

4:33 PM  
Blogger Brown eyed girl said...

I promise, I promise, I PROMISE!
I love you!

7:07 PM  
Blogger Chulita said...

Oh Darlene, I will definitely never forget Mark, nor you! I have share this story with many others already and from now on I will say........"I know a boy who became a man in the most painful & horrific, yet most heroic way...." Although I have not been keeping up with posting my comments, I have never stopped thinking about Mark nor praying for him. Many warm hugs to all.

7:09 PM  
Blogger Soren said...

I used to babysit for two little boys. (Whose brother later became my first boyfriend, so I have a special link to their family.) A couple of years ago, just after the older one turned 21, he left a bar a few miles up the street from his house and got in his best friend's truck to go home. His drunk best friend. And didn't wear a seat belt. And the kid crashed the truck into a tree, and Nick was thrown out and died. The driver was fine.

I'd never read your blog before I found links to it when this happened, and now I haven't been able to stop checking on you. I'm so glad he gets to come home.

1:58 PM  

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