Monday, January 22, 2007

Death Gets a New Job

Many people talk about 'near death' experiences and how much it changes their lives. I almost died 3 years ago and I didn't experience any significant epiphanies. As a matter of fact, I felt very, matter of fact about it all. I don't fear death, so maybe that had something to do with it. But, Mark came close to death, more than once and THAT had a huge impact on me. I was thrust into a flurry of emotions that felt like fire and ice water. I went long periods of time in silence, eyes filled with the sight of our son's helpless broken body. My mind traveled everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Flashes of his childhood would zoom across my mind so fast, that I barely realized what it was I was thinking about. I remembered conversations I had had with him, the funny faces he makes, his quirky side and the fact that he's not afraid to cry. I recalled and mentally began putting things in compartments, willing myself to never forget anything about him. Being in the general vicinity of death, I found that I was being taught something.

The difference between my experience and his?.....If I were to leave, I would be in a better place of love and light. If he were to leave, I would be left here to mourn and no consoling would be enough for me and THAT made me made me think about (love).

Who do I love.
How much do I love them?
Do they know that I love them?
Do I tell them that I love them?
What is love?
Does love have levels?
and if it I say, "I level 3 love you?"

So, for the better part of Marks ICU stay, I thought about love and how silly people can be about saying it. I am 45 years old, if I am lucky, I might get to live another 30 or 40 years. The first set of years has gone by so incredibly fast, no doubt the second set will too. I've decided that being stingy with saying I love you isn't very useful, so regardless of the level, regardless if it's even a momentary feeling, if it's anywhere near the category of love, I'm going to say it. I'm going to say, "I love you."

The worst thing that will ever be said about this is, "Geez, that lady sure does love a lot of people!" And they would be right.

Oh....and by the way...."I love you, on every level :D"


Blogger Deb R said...

The worst thing that will ever be said about this is, "Geez, that lady sure does love a lot of people!" And they would be right.

If that does turn out to be the worst thing anyone says about you, then by my reckoning you'll have lived a very good life. :-)

I love you too and I'm glad Mark is home now. {{{{Darlene}}}}

9:20 PM  
Blogger magicaldamselfly said...

I love you back!!!!


I love you to the moon and back!!!

9:29 PM  
Blogger amy said...

One of my best girl friends taught me to make sure I told my loved ones that I loved them. When we were in highschool her favorite uncle was killed instantly in a car accident. She said that she talked to him on the phone right before his accident. She told him that she loved him and he said that he loved her. She holds on to that last memory with such fondness. She had no regrets. She still tells people that she loves them at the end of every conversation. I started saying "I love you" at the end of every conversation I had with my parents. My dad asked me why I did that. We weren't very accustomed to saying "I love you" like that. I explained what my friend had said. I've noticed over the past few years that he now says "I love you" back to me before he hangs up the phone. What a wonderful thing.

You will warm many many hearts by telling them how you feel!

How's your energy level?

9:45 PM  
Blogger Shaz said...

You Know I Love you
I love that you know I love you
LOveing you is easy
Loving you is rewarding

Being Loved by you is a blessing!!

9:49 PM  
Anonymous Sophie said...

Well, if the worst thing that people might say to you is "Geez, that lady sure does love a lot of people!" The worst thing people might say to me is "Geez, that girl sure does love people who she didn't even meet."

Know I love you.
Know that I love your loving. :)


10:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great tell those we love,...that we love them...I will become one of those people after reading of those that says it a lot. I have been one of those people who find it hard to do that with people. You just helped me along the path of expressing the way I feel.

Thanks Darlene..much love and hugs...sandy/dd

10:52 PM  
Blogger Angela Marie said...

Hey sweet lady..
I love you right back on EVERY level!

bunches of hugs ~

p.s. it is soooo good to know that, that sweet son of yours is HOME two doors down. REALLY!!

11:13 PM  
Blogger Jemima said...

I'm sure if I said it every time I felt it I'd scare people away. Well that's the fear that stops me following my heart.

11:14 PM  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

Love, Love, LOVE, all the world needs NOW is Love, love, LOVE!!!I wish everyone LOVE! I love YOU too Darlene! xo, and sweet dreams too!to all of you, I'm almost asleep(it's 2 am here) nowzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

11:18 PM  
Blogger bb said...

I've always thought that you loved a lot of people - and thought that it is a most admirable quality!

love ;-) bb x x x x x

12:38 AM  
Blogger gena said...

I love you too Darlene! I have learned so much from you, I hope I am half as good a Mum as you are!

1:33 AM  
Blogger luzie said...

I also don't understand why so many people hold back. Loving someone is a wonderful feeling which doubles and triples when shared.

I love your loving.
And I love you too, Darlene.


1:43 AM  
Blogger Linda said...

...and I love you too.
Thank-you =)

And I love the fact that I have also know so many loving and positive bloggers through you.

2:34 AM  
Blogger Vanessa said...

me too

2:36 AM  
Blogger Cape Cod Kitty said...

Just catching up on things with you after a weekend away from the computer. Such wonderful news about Mark being home and his progress but best of all it has taken you to a new level of gratitude and thought which you so beautifully and profoundly are sharing with us...thank you for the love, the new way of looking at love and the importance of saying and showing others we love them.
Lots of love back to you.
Your love, your creativity, your family are the essence of love.
CC Kitty

2:41 AM  
Blogger gracie said...

If love can be sent, from the other side of the world, to people never seen but whose hearts have touched us... then some is on its way right now to you! Your blog is inspiring.

2:58 AM  
Anonymous suzie q said...

I Love You too! :D

Gorgeous post, sweetheart.
Thank You!

Huge Hugs all round (((((xXx)))))

3:19 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I ♥ you too!

4:16 AM  
Blogger rose colored glasses said...

I have been reading you since Mark's accident. I am so happy he is home now. I pray for his recovery and think about your family often. You are a beautiful soul and I read your posts and I smile, cry and fill up with light. Thank you for your insight, wisdom, courage and love.
Nikki Stevens

4:33 AM  
Blogger Becca said...

I love you too!!

You've probably just shared the single most important insight in the world - don't be afraid to have love, and don't be afraid to tell people you love them :)

5:00 AM  
Anonymous Lady Painter said...

Thank you, my dear. I am so sure that you are sincere. This is a rare gift that you give me... us ! and I can also say, sincerely, that I love you too.
Here, somebody very special died last night. It is "Abbé Pierre", 94 years old, who has worked all his life to help the poorest of us. He said that he would like, as epitaphe, the phrase: "Il a essayé d'aimer". "He tried to love"...

5:02 AM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Love truly is a many splendored thing. Over my seven decades I have found it is easier to say I Love You when I am responding to the feeling within my heart.

Perhaps there may be some kernel of knowing in this essay that will resonate with you? If and when you have the time or inclination, I invite you to read it.

It is part of the path that has taken me to this place where I suggest....
Serve others, care about those you serve and share the love in your heart.

Know this, that when you do, you will be loved in return more than you ever imagined.

Give our love to Mark, J and the rest of the family. Use that loving strength to carry you through the remainder of this part of your journeys.

5:13 AM  
Anonymous Kim in IN said...

And this mama in Indiana loves you back mama Darlene(((hugs))).

5:39 AM  
Blogger Jerri said...

I love you, too, D.

All we need is love. Isn't is strange that the biigest Truth is also the simplest?

Thanks for the beautiful reminder.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Blue the Spa Girl said...

Hi Darlene, wow, so glad to hear Mark is home. I felt choked up reading this, even with the long road of recovery ahead of you, he is home! That is all that matters.
Not sure if you posted a mailing address. I wanted to send something. I will have to backtrack on the posts...
Your jewellery is beautiful! I love it.
I hope the lupus isn't too bad for you right now.

7:01 AM  
Blogger hepmomto3 said...

We love you too! I hope you are holding up well. I think of you guys often. I'm so glad Mark is home with you. All my love to him as well.

7:02 AM  
Blogger Regina Clare Jane said...

{{{I love you, too, Darlene}}}

7:15 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...

Love you Darlene and Mark and all your family. Glad to hear that being home is going so well. :)

7:52 AM  
Blogger Trish Ryan said...

That's fabulous. You're so right - we all need to say that (and think about how much we mean it) more often. So, putting my money where my mouth is, I love you - and your awesome family - too!

8:12 AM  
Blogger bee said...

i love you too....have since the first time we connected, all those months ago. i think about you ever day and your family is my're my other mommy...


8:23 AM  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Dear Dar ... I know that you have so much to synthesize with this experience & I'm glad that this is one forum for you to do that in ... it's such an honour to be able to share this with you.
I love you, sweet friend. Deb

9:11 AM  
Blogger Star said...

Like Amy, I learned to say the words (not just assume that people knew) from my husband. And when I did people sort of looked at me askance because it just wasn't like me. But just like sharing a smile or a hug, once you share your "I love you" you almost always get one back. Saying the words has has a ripple effect on the people around me and it is a wonderful thing.

I love you, too. And I'm so glad Mark is home and can feel your love and the love all of us are sending his way.


9:38 AM  
Blogger me-nikk said...

I love you!!! And I love that you've come to this point!!! How truly amazing...


10:05 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

Oh, I just feel so sad you even had to have that fear, Darlene!! But, I see you using it to learn something that will make your life, and all the people you love lives, sweeter, too! That is the miracle of what can come out of such darkness, isn't it. And now you pass on your hard earned wisdom to all of us, too...

SOOO happy Mark is home!! I just can't even tell you! When I told Wyatt the boy we had been praying for was getting well enough to go home to his mom and dad, he did a little "happy feet" dance. :)

Tell Mark that his story has touched us all so much, and his well-being really means something to my little boy. And because of our prayer and talking time about Mark, I have had beautiful moments with my son getting to know his soul even more deeply.


10:23 AM  
Blogger Georgia said...

Love to you dearie:)


10:28 AM  
Blogger LisaOceandreamer said...

I have had people say (and they would certainly be wrong) that saying I love you all the time loses its impact. Can you even imagine feeling that way? Sad. Some might say it's impossible to feel love for someone you haven't met face to face - again, they would be wrong.
I am here to say most assuredly that 'I love you' should be said often and that it IS possible to feel it for someone you haven't even hugged yet as well. So I say to you Darlene, I love you too....and it is in this circle of love that surrounds you that proves the impact it has.

11:59 AM  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...




You feel all the love because you are love and we all love you right back!

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Teresa Sheeley said...

A few years ago I was on death's door, and I didn't really have any great revolutions either. It did save me from other things in my life though.

I hope things are going smoothly with Mark.

So for just a little normal life stuff for you, I am now tagging you to do this "6 weird things about me". I know you are busy, and do not at all have to participate, but it's kinda fun to think about weird things we do for a change of pace.

Love ya!!

2:54 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

This post gives me shivers. And maybe I have shivers because I get the feeling that all the love that was sent to Mark and your family has something to do with the fact that he was able to come home. LOVE is a powerful thing.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Thank you for reminding us of the deep importance of love.

I love you too!

3:01 PM  
Blogger Brown eyed girl said...

You do love a lot of people and I just LOVE that! It's an inspiration to not be so stuffy, and let people know they mean something to you, can be life changing for them. I love the level loving thing, that's so true.
Sure does make you check your priorities going thru something like this doesn't it? That's why this story moved me so much in December, just to remember so tangibly that life is short, and taken in an instant. So how are you treating others? what are you throwing fits about? when did I tell someone I cared?
I love you too! and thank you for your love!

3:02 PM  
Anonymous bronxbt said...

ever wonder about the word love?
it's a good thing it's easy to say, rolls off the tongue nicely and isn't some weird word like,

wouldn't that be a hoot? and really hard to put onna get well card.

anyway, i digress...

lurve you and the fam too.


3:27 PM  
Blogger Mary Timme said...

I like your questions and in part I think it has to do with language. Our language has one word for love. We need more. I mean we love a person and then we love cheesecake. Where is the sense in that? We need more words for love. That's all there is to it.

5:07 PM  
Blogger Kim G. said...

Such a powerful message you have to share with others. I grew up in a family where no one said "I love you" out loud. It still feels awkward and forced even when I say it now as an adult. The feelings are there - no question and they are shown in many ways, it's just the articulation in those words that is hard. And yet, the words are like the exclamation point of the phrase that is built by our actions. Thanks for sharing this.

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Robyn said...

Darlene, you write so well! This heart wrenching experience with Mark has brought out a whole new dimension of feeling which comes through in your writing. They always say good comes with the bad and throughout this experience I have been able to see the 2 sides of the story...the good that comes with the bad. This amazing blogging community is another plus that is so heart warming.

8:53 PM  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

There is a song that I love by the Brand New Heavies (from the Sliding Doors Soundtrack) that goes something along the lines of..."we need more love, more love, it's something everybody needs some more of....." There can never be too much love in this world. I say spread your love Darlene; you have touched so many people with it already, and the sky is the limit.

Much love to you too!!!!

And P.S....I was away from the computer for the better part of the weekend, but I am so very happy that Mark is home with you and that you can hug daily, and be just an important part of his recovery!

9:54 PM  
Blogger a m y said...

Oh Darlene, my love for you is boundless and deep. You are amazing. I am thinking of you, and praying for you. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

10:18 PM  
Blogger gerry rosser said...

Love right back at you.

5:12 AM  
Blogger Romina Bacci said...

love you too Darlene!!

(check your mail soon)

6:09 AM  
Blogger Ali la Loca said...

Shoot, i just wrote a huge comment and it was eaten by blogger. To sum it up - you and mark and your family are loved by at least 2 people in mozambique!

6:57 AM  
Blogger Britt said...

just sending prayers and LOVE your way today. find the smiles in the little moments. :)

8:02 AM  
Blogger paris parfait said...

The more love the better - the world needs it and especially Mark needs it - it's what's helped him through all this. He's lucky to have you for his mom.

4:57 PM  

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