Walking the Path
Once there was a time that we walked this path together
my two legs carried us both with great anticipation of your arrival
I knew what you would look like, having seen you in my dreams
I imagined you were strong, rough and tumbled in my belly
but I had underestimated your strength, my boy
Once there was a time that we walked this path together
my two legs had a difficult time keeping up with you
I watched in awe, my eyes filling with the sight of your unleashed energy
hair brown like dirt and a smile like the sun
but I didn't realize you would light up our lives, my boy
Once there was a time that we walked this path together
my two legs weak and your hand gently held me steady
I take a glance and see you've grown and know you are a man now
salt and pepper hair, shoulders broad and on your own
but I didn't know that one day, you would need me like you do, my boy
Once there was a time that I walked this path alone
my two legs needing to carry us both again, anticipation for your healing
I know that you will mend because the world is here before you
praying you whole again while supporting us with hope
but I never knew the universe even cared enough to see us, my boy
Update # 15 ~ Today we started to walk the path before us. It was painful and our eyes realized that it was very long indeed. Not much of a change in symptoms, but a very big change in activity. Mark was put onto a funky bed that slowly put his body into a sitting position. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he concentrated on his breathing. His body shook with pain and his face turned grey, all life like color draining from his body. The doctors took advantage of his position and fitted him for a back brace. He will need to get up regularly now, to wake up his bowels and help clear his lungs. He has to do this with a broken back because that is still the least of concern. We are all wondering how they intend to get the back brace fastened around his still very swollen middle. His ligaments are torn on both sides of his groin, he can't move his own legs without breaking into a sweat. I now have to wear medical gloves all the time and I can't touch his skin, or stroke the top of his head, it all feels so...plastic and unreal.
He openly cried when we were left alone...and today, I cried with him. I cried hard, my plastic covered hands held his and we cried the loss away. My arms ached to hold him, rock him, run my hand up and down his back, but I couldn't, he is carrying a staff infection in his lungs and stomach and his hospital room door carries a big red sign of warning. Finally, when crying began to feel like the wrong thing to keep doing, we stopped and just stared at each other. Our eyes locked and we had a silent conversation.
Mark~ I'm in so much pain.....
Me~ I know pain well...
Mark~ I feel like a helpless child...
Me~ I am your Mother...
Mark~ This is going to take forever...
Me~ No it won't, not forever son...
Mark~ I'm scared...
Me~ So am I...but together we can beat fear and turn it into courage...
Mark~ I'm so angry...
Me~ You can be...for a moment, but then we must be thankful, because festered anger turns into resentment and that is the opposite of freedom.
****I am asking a lot from the universe. I am asking for help. I am a Mother who feels like I'm about to take on every child's wound and it feels really heavy right now. I doubt myself, but I do not doubt God, or You...because I think this is a shared crisis. I don't know why, but I can feel the united efforts that come from everyone and I am grateful and in awe of tomorrow.
No one needs to apologize for emailing me. Say what you will and I will respond as soon as I can. I need you and most of you I haven't even seen. How much more can we be connected?
****I am asking a lot from the universe. I am asking for help. I am a Mother who feels like I'm about to take on every child's wound and it feels really heavy right now. I doubt myself, but I do not doubt God, or You...because I think this is a shared crisis. I don't know why, but I can feel the united efforts that come from everyone and I am grateful and in awe of tomorrow.
No one needs to apologize for emailing me. Say what you will and I will respond as soon as I can. I need you and most of you I haven't even seen. How much more can we be connected?
posted by Darlene at
8:17 PM
67 Comments:
Hey sweet Darlene, I just posted a poem and dedicated it to you ... as I was clicking your blog to make the link to mine, I saw your most recent update. If you have a free moment, do check out what I wrote for you ... you are in my thoughts constantly. Much peace and love, d
I've been checking on and off all evening and couldn't go to bed until I checked one more time. Alas, the update.
The prose is beautiful, very touching. Indeed, so very touching.
What a tough day physically for Mark and emotionally for both of you. I know its' cliche, I know...but some day, this will be a distant memory. I know it is in these moments you can only think of taking one moment at a time because to look further into the future seems like such a long challenge. But he will heal and he will be glad he had the strength and courage to continue continuing on.
He almost is becoming so familiar that the reality between my own sons and him is blurring into one SON that the whole world loves, the universe in fact. He represents unimaginable suffering but on a familiar level that every parent, no matter what country you live in, can empathize and imagine, what if it was my son.
Mark ...You are being held by lots of invisible arms and every step you take toward your healing is applauded by so many of us, waiting to hear of each step.
Darlene...I admire you.
love, sandy
You are JUST RIGHT. You are MOM.
I feel so deeply for what you are going through, and for what Mark is going through...And I am so inspired by your love.
I was speaking with a friend who is facing a challenge, and she said how even though she wishes things were different for her child, she knows that God has given her the child who needed her... She is just the right mommy for him! I think the same is true of you, Darlene. Your love and bond is beautiful and deep.
(((hug)))
:)
Oh Darlene, I am so sad and scared for Mark. Such injuries. . . your updates are an education. Thank you for them. I am holding onto all my wonder and faith and amazement for doctors, and believing they can mend him. I hear and read stories about science and medicine that kind of blow the top of my head off and make me proud of humanity -- the opposite of how I feel when I see the news, the wars, the murders. Not being personally a religious person, my hope and my faith are in science and medicine, for you and for Mark. I am so sorry for the pain.
Your poem brought tears to my eyes.
Your strength and courage are amazing. I know you feel weak and fearful at times, but you're there for him and you're willing to accept the help and energy freely offered.
And the connection you speak of would not be possible if you were not strong, courageous, and open to connecting.
Thank you.
And, as JP says, you are in our thoughts.
-- f
"...we cried the loss away..." Surely that was good. I don't know what "loss" referred to...but I can't help but think that that must have been a cleansing cry for both of you. Just remember, when we feel like we've hit bottom, we can only go UP. That was a lovely poem you wrote for him. Big hugs.
what beautiful words. the energy that you marvelled at in your little boy will surely help him fight now. i'm sorry that the days continue to be so hard. i can completely understand your dear son's anger but his mother's unspoken advice is very wise.
take care,
amy
We are here for YOU and MARK! We LOVE you Darlene and thank you for the updates! Some other people are with you on your path now...I couldn't go to bed without an update, you are such an inspiration, a darling of women, a courageous Momma, I'm going to bed now and go to sleep praying for Mark and you and your family, my family and the whole universe, God is waiting for us just as much as we are waiting for him! I believe in GOD and I LOVE him so and that is why I pray, to be near him and to share my love with others, I'm glad YOU feel us here with you on your path Darlene, try and get some sweet dreams rest,((((((Darlene, Mark, Jay, Angela, all the family)))))))LOVE and prayers, Cinda ps. give Breezy a lil hug and kiss for me too!
i love the poem you wrote. it shows your unconditional love for Mark in such a tangible way.
I am glad to hear that he is getting some movement going. I pray that it is just what he needs to build some momentum- to clear his lungs and get his body moving again. I also can't imagine the struggle that it is- with so much needing to be healing, to have to move seems so counterintuitve but I do so think it will help. I loved your words and I love that you and he could share such an honest painful moment today and let some tears go. I think that crying can be so healing and to cry toigether like that must have given him some comfort. What a gift it is that he knows how much you are in his corner. What a powerful and incredible bond that he is no doubt getting so much strength from. I am so thankful that he has a Mom like you in such a challenging time. One more day, on this journey, under his belt. One more day closer to his getting better.
Yes, we are connected through our minds. I will try again and again to send you my positive energy. There is no limit in the energy we offer to others, as more we give, as more we have. And I will also try to give you strength and confidence that this also will pass. One day it will be behind you, as everything. And you will then walk a quiet path with Mark and you family, being stronger than before. Because there is nothing giving more force and love than have gone together through a crisis.
I like this proverb and I will try to translate it for you:
You cannot prevent the black birds to fly around your head, but you can prevent them to built their nests in your hair.
With love XXX
I am so very sorry you and Mark have to go through this. For your whole family. To watch your child, at any age, to suffer is so very hard. Something I do every single day with my son. Prayers for strength, healing and recovery.
You do not need to apologize for asking the universe to step in and share its awesome energy. That energy is pure love. That energy will help us all.
For what happens to one affects us all. We are all too willing, thankfully, to step up and serve however we can. I only wish for it to be enough.
Give Mark and the family our best.
Darlene,
The poem you wrote is beautiful.
The update on Mark's status is distressing but encouraging.
In your conversation with Mark your words are wise,.. very wise.
And the connection that you feel with the world is real... so very real. I feel it too.
I told my Spanish friends and family about you and Mark and want you to know that they are thinking of and praying for you now too.
And so the web expands.
Mark's strength and bravery continues to amaze me.
You are always in my thoughts.
Vanessa
Sending healing thoughts and strength to you all xxx
Every beautiful word here, makes my heart ache. I admire your strength Darlene, your road isn't going to be easy, but look what/who you have to help....there's no one better in this world or more worthy of that.
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Lao-Tze (c.604 BC)
Heavenly Father, I am holding Mark up to you this day and asking that you wrap your healing hands around Mark. Give him the strength that he will need to stay strong as his body heals. I ask that you absorb the infection his body has taken on and to free his body of this infection that he can heal. I also ask that you give Darlene the super mommy strength that she will need to be there for her baby.
I ask this in Jesus name. Amen
Do not doubt yourself Darlene. You are doing everything right, you are a mother that loves her son and nothing more can be asked.
It is strange that when we see someone being incredibly strong, brave and inspirational, its often the very moment that that person is feeling helpless, weak and full of doubt.
Time is passing slowly right now, but it will pass and be gone and then you will see how amazingly strong you have been.
When ever I think of you and Mark, I hold my own little boy a little tighter and hope that I am as wonderful a mother as you are. I know it must be torture not to be able to touch Mark and hold him, but there will be time to make up for it soon.
Much love to you, Mark and all your family.
Jodes
this was the last place i went last night and first place this morning. sending prayers and hugs across the miles. what beautiful poetry, and with such a strong meaning. time heals, and time will heal mark. such a strong young man who is facing the largest challenges. yes in my heart i know he will recover. love, poet
"Geometry"
Did you know
that souls touch?
Did you know
that souls walk?
Did you know
that souls care?
Did you know
this?
I know that you do.
What is a circle
but a straight line
What is a straight line
but a path
What is a path
but a journey
What is a journey
but a circle.
Did you know
that people care?
Did you know
that people pray?
Did you know
that people heal?
Did you know this?
I know that we do.
All my love and strength to you Darlene and Mark; and all the members of your family.
And all my love and compassion for all the family of strangers, now friends who come here to lend a hand each and every day.
Peace and faith.
A Mother's heart knows no boundaries when it comes to love. And my heart goes out to you.
My prayers are with you.
Dear, dear Darlene. Your writing today confirms what I've known since I first heard Mark's story: you are a wise and wonderful woman and a Mother in the truest sense of the word. You are beauty.
Don't hesitate to ask the Universe for what you need. This huge circle of souls has gathered around you and Mark. Use us. This community came together for a purpose, and although I don't pretend to understand all of its magic and purpose, I believe it's a demonstration of the power of love. Your love for Mark, our love for you, God's love for us all. . . .
All we need is love. (And some damn good antibiotics.)
Your poem is so very moving, Darlene.
I think of you and Mark often and this is the first place I visit after logging on but i still wish that i could do something concrete for you both,
Hugs,
Angela
I just got back from holiday and your site was the first I checked. I am cotinually praying for you and Mark and your whole family. I know what it's like to have to wear those plastic gloves- not being able to touch your loved one's skin- at the end with my dad, we dified the doctor's and nurses- I said I was not going to touch my dad anymore through these awful gloves- they left us alone. My dad also had a staph infection and we were isolated- they make you feel like aliens from another planet. It is so hard...
Blessings to you and yes, there is always hope and time does heal and prayers are miracles in the making...
love always to you, Darlene and to Mark.
i feel the same way darlene, but silenced by distance...i wish i could wrap you in a big strong hug and hand you a tissue for your tears. i can't stop thinking about you and your family. you are in my heart now, and every step along this path before you. you know how to reach me if you ever need or want to...xoxo
I am reminded that Mark crawled for help immediately after the accident, completely broken, completely torn. This is a young man of incredible strength, drive and fortitude. He is amazing and I believe in his will to survive.
That poem was beautiful, Darlene. And you know, you may feel like you're asking a lot from the Universe, but I hope you don't feel like you're asking too much, because you aren't. It's good to ask and to live as if there's no doubt you'll get exactly - exactly! - what you need at any given moment to make it through. Sending so many good thoughts your way~~~~~~~~~~
Darlene,
Your strength, love and beauty of spirit are humbling to me. Speaking as someone who doesn't have a mom, I think Mark is incredibly blessed to have you in his life to be there for him. Your family are in my thoughts and heart.
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”
-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 1929-1968
Great poem. I always believed that poetry can be part of the healing process, that once our heart is poured out into words, it strengthens us.
Just like "Footprints in the Sand" you get the right support from God and all your earthy angels in Blogspere and everywhere else. Your strength is both empowering and inspiring. God has His reasons for our pain and suffering along with our joys.
Still praying, joining the prayer chain throughout the world.
Take care. Mark needs you healthy, too.
i love you i love you i love you.
i want to tell you that everything, EVERYTHING will be okay because i truly believe it will. i trust your strength and mark's strength and the love that you have for each other. i trust that the universe will cradle the both of you while you can't touch each other.
much peace, sweetheart. i'm praying. non-stop.
your sage advice to your son needs to be swallowed as a pill also by you.
you BOTH are so strong. Mark battling the cards that are stacked a wee bit against him, and you with your lupus challenges.
you BOTH amaze me. inspire me, move me to the point of free flowing tears every time i check for an update.
i can RELATE to all of this too. 34 now, accident at 16. I can STILL FEEL my body being crushed by engine, steering wheel and more. i can still feel the operations to add steel to bone and graft skin to flesh.
i was dead for more than 10 min according to the EMT's. they gave up. somehow i came back. maybe after more than 15 years of wondering why and who and how i was brought back it's been answered. use me....
i am HERE for you as much as i can be. you need only reach out.
all my love and support.
B
it's truly amazing that -even in all this pain and confusion and fear- you're able to create such a wonderful, moving poem.
you have strength that you have not yet fully realized. the strenght is all of us joining to you, but it's also you on your own. bearing the weight that you do, and passing on wisdom and care to Mark... these are signs of your tenderness and grace.
breathe in with your son, breathe out all the doubt. you are loved. and you are strong.
You and your whole family are and will continue to be in my prayers - As a matter of fact I am going to light some candles in St. Patricks Cathederal (in NYC) just as soon as I get out of work for the day.
Do not forget to take care of yourself during all of this ...
Prayers & Hugs winging their way to you ...
Words shared without verbally having to stated them tells me that the bond you have with your son is deeply felt by both of you. It is that bond...tht love and understanding...the trust felt deeply which will feed the strength you are looking for Darlene. It is the deep love Mark feels coming from you which will give him the strength and more importantly WILL to heal.
It will happen.......keep your eyes and your hearts locked together. God's grace is all around you.
I'm weeping.
Darlene,
I am still here with you, thinking of your family and praying for Mark. KEEP asking for help as long a you need it, remember... Ask and ye shall recieve. So many people in this world are out here praying for you. :)
xoxoxo
Georgia
de-lurking to tell you that i'm with you, too
may the very presence of god fill mark's room
I've been checking up on the updates on Mark everyday....I admire your courage and also his. I can't imagine the pain that you are describing that Mark is experiencing at this very minute. All I can do for you and him is bow my head and ask God to grant him strength and bravery through this difficult time.
I can't say that if I was in his position, I could be as brave as he is right now. Keep his spirits up as much as possible...His mind and attitude will have so much effect on his body's healing. It must be the hardest thing he has ever faced in his 25 years--He must keep pushing forward and when he does get through this pain and suffering, he will know that he can get through anything that life will throw at him in the future.
I pray for strength for you and your husband. I believe that you are one of the many keys to his healing. If he knows that you believe he can get through this, he will not give up when he is at his deepest despair. Take care of yourself in mind, body, and soul as much as possible. He needs you to be strong in every aspect.
You all are in my thoughts and prayers and thank you for the constant updates on Mark's condition!
I am filled with such confidence this morning as I light my candle. I read your words and smile as I picture the give and take that has passed between mother and son--that's how it is for all of us. I'm also glad to know you have shared the tears and the silent determination after, signaling that you are in this together come what may.
The Universe really is on your side, Darlene. There is a world full of people sending their healing thoughts to Mark and their thoughts and words of support to you. Trust that all this positive energy will work together with the wonders that medicine has to offer to bring about just what you need when you need it.
I'm just overflowing with positive energy that I'm sending your way this morning--I hope you can feel it.
Your silent dialogue was so touching. But, then, you touched me long before this present crisis came along.
Hello Darlene,
It sounds like Mark is making some slight progress, or maybe it feels like the doctors are pushing him to make progress. Earlier in a post you mentioned how Mark's thick skin saved him. He is thick skinned, he is strong, he is determined.
It's amazing now, how in our daily lives, Mark has become such a part of us, we do not say one prayer without Mark in it, we speak of him as if we know him, his injuries are felt by us, and we embrace his courage. We do not know anything about Mark other than he is the son of a very courageous, brave woman. We don't know what music he listens to, what his favorite food is, what his personality is like, what he does for a living, etc..but you see, none of that matters, because we have bonded with him as we know him visually in our minds. I see through him, my own son, and give him hugs and love while I am hugging my son. My Matty gets a little extra because I need to hug Mark too.
I haven't been in touch with you for a few days, but have never forgot either of you. My baby boy is nesting over 500 miles away from me now, and I have been adjusting to the new change.
Please know that you are not taking on these wounds alone, I and all of us really, are with you and can feel this journey. Remember he is strong and young and can do this. Keep positive and know even through plastic the love of a mother cannot be unfelt.
Much lovin's to both of you today. Stay in each others reach and let the power of a mother's love heal him.
xxxooo
Teresa
Dear Darlene, I have been following you and your family's journey through Mark's injury and recovery and am completely amazed at the beautiful love and strength you all have; not to mention the love you are receiving from around the world.
Your ability to write out the emotions is one which will sustain you as the journey continues.
31 years ago, my family faced a very similar situation when my brother was severely injured in a dirt bike accident - he was 19 at the time. His accident changed our entire family, and took us on a journey to heights we never knew were possible. Through many highs, and many deep, deep lows, my brother has continued to amaze us, and only because the accident happened, did his life become such that it has changed others worldwide. I remember well, the raw emotions, crying daily for 2 years, etc, but always came away from him with newfound strength and admiration for him and for my parents who sustained us all. We are each much better human beings than we were before the accident, and it has prepared us for many other events in our lives which required coping. Our spirituality, love and family bond is so much deeper.
Positive thoughts are with you everyday. Since I began reading about this, I have had a candle lit for you all and think about you so much during each day.
Peace, ease, and comfort are coming your way.
Beautiful post - I especially was moved by your silent dialogue with Mark. You are his light right now - keep shining....you are an inspiration to us all!
Thank you for telling us about the pain and the progress, Darlene. Balancing being in the moment, and taking small steps, while keeping your eyes on the prize of Mark's recovery is so important. We are still here, holding you, Mark and your whole family in our thoughts. - Lee
Hello, I came across your blog thru a friend's link. I, like so many others, am very touched by your story. Last night I prayed for you - that God would hold you in his arms, give you peace and comfort and whisper in your ear "I am here".
I am a mother with a 6 year old boy. After I read your posts, I am always compelled to go hug my son, tell him I love him and appreciate the time we have together now. It's so easy to get caught up in how busy life is, to feel overwhelmed with small children and not appreciate this fleeting time of my life. Thank you for reminding me to take time to hug my kids.
I cannot even comprehend what you are going thru, but my heart aches with the thought of it. Know that you and Mark will be in my prayers.
Lea
What beautiful words you shared. And to think your words are ministering to us as much as our efforts are ministering to you. God is obviously at work here.
God, give Mark the strength to endure the path ahead.
Dearest-
Your clarity and peacefulness and patience is mind-blowing. I found your site through another blog and read all about Mark's trial and your support. As a mother of a 2-year old, my heart breaks for anyone's child who is injured or sick. I can not imagine being as strong as you are. You brought tears to my eyes in several posts. Your peacefulness, your purity is awe-inspiring. I'm not a religious person, but I found the need to whisper some words to the great "out there" universe to help your boy and your family get through this stronger and closer than ever.
You are in my thoughts, dear stranger. I will check back often.
Jennifer
www.opaqueprintproduction.com/jbblog
I tried to email you a picture that I took this past fall of my kiddos walking down a leaf covered path. I thought that it might make you smile and remind you that you aren't walking through this alone.
I didn't finish my thought. I'll post a note to you on my blog, since I can't seem to email through the blog sysetem. Hope that isn't too pretentious.
sending you more healing vibes....I ache for you and for your son....I know that it seems that the path ahead is so long, but remember you will be walking it together, and you will both pull through this. Your words are so powerful, your strength tremendous, and your will immense...
keep being you....
my family and I are sending many well wishes, and we will keep our prayers coming and candles burning as long as you need us....
The tears are good. It's healthy to cry when something hurts and it's good that you could do it together. Blessings to you.
I am following along and praying for you. My mommy heart breaks for what you're going through, but we serve a God who can bring beauty from ashes. Could I be as strong as you?...There's no way out but through, and I have so much respect for the way you're handling the journey. God bless.
Are you keeping a journal of all this, Darlene, apart from the blog? I think it is important to you to pour out the raw stuff, that which you might hesitate to post.
Anger, anger, anger. I feel it righteously for you and Mark. Want to punch someone, scream, kick, that he has so much to overcome because of another's wanton disregard for human life.
I'm sorry to be so to the point. I work as a defense lawyer for people who are sued and I see both sides of car accidents every day and I depose victims of car accidents every day and I live in fear that someone in my family will be a victim someday.
Your prose poem is heartwrenchingly beautiful and sacred.
Keep asking. Jesus promised - everyone who asks will be answered. You are there with your son, and you see each little miracle necessary for Mark to move forward - for the infection to heal, for strength to sit up and move as he needs to, for courage to keep going. Pray bold prayers, and we will pray with you.
Bless you with love, peace, comfort, and joy - and a big dose of faith in God!
Ah mama,MAMA. You hold him as if he were a baby. He is your baby. Your precious Mark. Cry with him,celebrate each milestone. He is in for many milestones. Great milestones. Milestones that he'll never believe he was capable of. He will do it!!
I will continue to remind you of YOU. Your health is of utmost importance.
Your faith can see miracles. Get ready mama,they are coming!
Peace,peace,and more peace,
Kim in IN.
Dear Darlene, beautiful, poignant prose amidst this great, painful challenge for you and Mark. Your words are inspiring - turning fear into courage. Thinking of you and Mark and wishing you much strength and healing light. Whenever I read your words, I am touched by your raw honesty. Mark is lucky to have you in his corner.
How brutal this seems, and yet it is the first step to getting Mark's body to function again.
"Walking the Path" sums it up. Your words tell it, you will begin again..at the beginning, and we will cheer you both on from the side lines.
Sending love, light and prayers ..
STill checking on you all and sending love.
Prayers continue.
What more can we offer?
I know God listens and will work his light on Mark.
Tell Mark we all love him...we are connected in so many ways you are right.
xo
hI am back!
But I never really left. I brought you, and Mark, in my heart - all the way up to New York and back down the coast again. I checked for updates whenever I could get to a computer.
Now that I am back in Charlotte I can finally tell you that I am still sending those positive thoughts to him!!
Like someone else mentioned, please let us know if there is more we can do. I will definitely send a post card with love from here!!
Karen
Beautiful poem and beautiful dialogue. I'm so glad Mark has you by his side as he heals.
Much love,
~J
It must seem like such a long and difficult journey lies ahead for Mark, and also for you, but you are taking those first steps already! My sister-in-law once told me "Life is hard, but God is good", and I find such comfort in that. I hope you will, too.
Still praying for you all....
I am so amazed at your strength, and the strength of this young man who is still fighting and still living after the injuries he suffered.
I believe the universe is definitely on your side, and we are its representatives, surrounding you with our prayers for courage and for healing.
Blessings to you as you walk this walk side by side with Mark.
You are teaching me how to love a stranger. Thank you for your honesty.
My prayers continue for your son's healing and for your strength and peace.
I look forward to the day when the two of you laugh together again. All the best,
L
So So beautiful, what more can be said then your right, we are with you and a shared pain is less of a burden I hope to carry some of that burden for you D. xxx
How are you sleeping? You mentioned Lupis. Our pastor struggles with this condition. Are you legs okay?
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