Friday, September 22, 2006

"Waving Good-Bye" by Gerald Stern

Yes, this is baby Darlene, born on the East Coast of the USA and happy to have a big mouth!
And here I am again, showing you that I can both stand AND have a big mouth!
Here I am, having finally closed my mouth, so you could see that, indeed, I also have a big head. By the way, little sister, these genes run through your blood too. So, considering you, me and Carsten all rolled into one....we're talking about the potential for this child to have big eyes, a big head, big mouth, be extremely tall and have huge feet and hands! Sounds rather alien to me? But seriously...anything you produce will be just beautiful :)
Here I am right out of High School, thinking I new everything and had nothing to fear. (And the mouth?...Still big!)

Now, on with Mr. Sterns Poem:

I wanted to know what it was like before we

had voices and before we had bare fingers and before we

had minds to move us through our actions

and tears to help us over our feelings,

so I drove my daughter through the snow to meet her friend

and filled her car with suitcases and hugged her

as an animal would, pressing my forehead against her

walking in circles, moaning, touching her cheek,

and turned my head after them as an animal would,

watching helplessly as they drove over the ruts,

her smiling face and her small hand just visible

over the giant pillows and coat hangers

as they made their turn into the empty highway.

So, I had an epiphany today, analyzing my recent feelings of emotionally feeling like a child and wondering where this was all coming from. This month we officially moved our daughter to her own home and are no longer financially supporting her. In other words, she is completely 100%on her own. She was the last to go, all apron strings are cut and my big nest is 2100 square feet of empty. Now it's time to redefine my life and this is a moment that I have been anticipating for years. We mom's pour our lives into motherhood (loving all it entails), but are told by many that 'our' time will come. So, for me, during every difficult stage of raising my children, I thought about this moment, each time, feeling like it was so very far away and suddenly it's staring me in the face. I have a lot to think about, because I'm not a baby anymore and I'm not a full-time mom either. It's time to grow up into this new stage.

19 Comments:

Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

WOWIEEEEEE!!! What an ADORABLE BABY!!! Sooooo HAPPY looking! and Sweet, I want to HUG and KISS YOU!!! DARLING Darlene!!!Don't you just love those childhood pics of yourself???!! Hey, I have a dress something like that high school frock you have on! i wore back in the day! I'll try and find a pic! Great photos! Your mom and Boho gal are going to cry they'll be so happy to seeee these and your little birdie that flew the nest, such beauties you all are! xo

11:35 PM  
Blogger bb said...

Oh you sweet big mouthed girl! So cute to see the baby pictures but when I got down to the high school pic - so full of hope and happiness - i must admit i shed a little tear for young Darlene and the things she'll have to face. (So you didn't have to grow into the swan then? Looks like you were always the beauty)

So excited for the epiphanies you're having sweetness. I know you'll find the right thing to do with this time - it's so wonderful that you're being so mindful of these huge changes in your life.

love x x x x x

12:14 AM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

i would gladly have an alien!

look how cute you are in these baby photos. we were happy babies, indeed.

dar...this post high school picture of you is gorgeous.

i am so excited for your baby girl to be living in the city. i know it is huge for everyone involved.

don't worry...i'll fill up your moma hole when my little babe comes.

hee hee.

2:49 AM  
Blogger Shaz said...

So.... you were just as Beautiful then as you are now.
I just had to tell u that your not alone two of my babies have left me and i still cry after each visit (it is also recent) the whole journey of motherhood is bittersweet and i dont know if il ever be comfortble in the letting go process. I have two still with me and try to make the most of that.Im sure your in a Beautiful place in your heart right now (so some tips wouldnt go a stray)
I totally love to read your thoughts. THANKYOU.
Shaz

2:53 AM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

yes folks...she was ALWAYS that beautiful.

both of my sisters are breathtaking (and my mother)...and i get the privilege of kissing their sweet faces (and pinching their bums).

;)

3:00 AM  
Blogger red sun said...

wow - you're so beautiful! inside and out! and you obviously always have been.


such an interesting perspective, at the stage where you're rediscovering yourself and healing and growing. it's wonderful to read about you going through this.

7:34 AM  
Anonymous angela marie said...

Oh Darlene! You were such a beautiful baby!! And still ARE, by the way!!

love the poem

Isn't it interesting how, by watching our babies fly away, we have to stretch out our own wings; the wind has changed. It is a new flight.

8:01 AM  
Anonymous Teresa said...

(((tears falling))) for what a beautiful baby you were, and hello--you haven't aged since high school!! You are so beautiful!! no kidding!!

Can we just figure this childlish thing out together??? I know I still have my baby girl coming home from college breaks, but Matt is out on his own, and won't be coming back. My heart is very heavy. And actually I have been going back in time to find myself again. Who was I before children? What did I want to do? Where was I going? It's quite a journey!

Love ya much! Have a wonderful weekend!!

xxxooo
Teresa

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Teresa said...

oops! spelling error above. I meant "childless".

Maybe I should go back to school :)

Teresa

8:14 AM  
Anonymous your little one said...

Moma~
Ahhh...you always make me cry at work! While I am completely moved out...and financially on my own…I will always need your tender care, loving arms, and sound wisdom throughout my entire life. You are my rock and my inspiration. I know I am a little farther now…but no distance can ever break the bonds we have built together. I love you moma…best friend.

9:32 AM  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

Tur Cro ~ I'll take your hugs any day!

bb ~ Oh...I had the ugly duckling stage...bad hair cuts, crooked teeth, braces and lets not forget that I still think my eyes are too far apart!

boho ~ okay...even alien babies are cute...I can hardly wait for those smothering kissing moments :)

Shaz ~ Thank you and I know you share my "having to let go" experience...welcome :)

erina ~ Thank you and I'm waiting for the 'wonderful' part of this growing thing...yes, think positive :)

Angela Marie ~ Ooooo, "the wind has changed" START YOUR BLOG

Teresa ~ You SO know how I'm feeling...we need to start the "empty nest" club!

little one ~ great, now I'm crying. You're the best thing that ever happened to me (and your brother :)

11:44 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

aren't you just the cutest!!!

moving into those new life phases--the saying goodbye and letting go mingled with the saying hello and opening your arms...you'll make it...i have no doubt about that...

2:42 PM  
Blogger Madeleine said...

you are so lovely in these photos, Darlene. I love baby photos (unfortunately i wasn't the best looking baby in the world-but hey)

i often think about the time when my babies move out of home and find their own way.
it seems a lifetime away and yet, as you said, it will be here sooner than you think.
i can only imagine that life will change for you now, and you will shift into a new era of your life. a period full of new discoveries and epipanies.

i can only imagine you must be feeling a loss right now, nd yet so proud of your big girl coming into her own.

Oh, and as your lovely sister said, she will be filling the space with her little one soon!!!!

lots of love
xxxx

4:03 PM  
Blogger megg said...

cutie-pie!! Don't worry - as a girl who has left the nest (several times!) I can tell you that she will be back :) I can't imagine being in that place - enjoy it! You are so young still, you have a whole other lifetime to fill now!!

xo

12:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great pics, um i could not help but to notice the doll hanging on your crib, the one that was probably crocheted, i had one too.....i can barely recall it, but seeing that in the pic triggered a niggling memory.

happy weekend to you!

4:42 AM  
Blogger Viking Womyn said...

LOLOLOL!!


I couldn't even wait and read your blog....I had to run back over here and just say..''I remember... I remember.''

''Yes,...i remember this part of our lives.... and it still breaths and lives.... in full color in my mind.....''



jeez!........first Denise & now you!...

.just one big crying mess now!..........lol!



:) :) :) three smiley faces....one for each of us...


luvUDar

~me

2:34 PM  
Blogger Alexandra G said...

Have you ever heard the quote, "Babies are such a nice way to start people!" Your photos make me think of it! And I hope and pray your dad is well into his healing process by now. I hope your sweet dad will be okay soon. I was so moved by Boho's post about the journal he made for her. How truly extraordinary! I don't think I'll ever forget that post, really. My father and I weren't close until recent years and he has morphed into the sweetest, gentlest old man after most of an adulthood of being rather belligerent and defensive. We are among the blessed to have parents who love us so much and are so loving. I'm sure your famliy's love for your dad is a healing balm all its own. xoxo

2:40 PM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

tanx for checkin' me out BBS!
(BohoBigSis)

pleasure meeting you, and thanks for the drive by.

you've been a babe, even back when you were a ... well.. a babe(y)

i'll stop by more often if you do too.. after all, i'm admittedly needy.

hugs!

B & mr puddins

3:13 PM  
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6:13 PM  

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