This Man

This man is my Father, my daddy, and I am very proud of the fact that he served our country as a Marine, as one of the 'few and proud.' Thank you, to all of you who said prayers and sent good vibes for his recent surgery. The results were good and he is recovering with my mom as his attentive nurse.

But, I need to say more about him because when someone you love goes into surgery, there is always those moments of reflecting internally, as we are not privy to how things are going to turn out. Of course, we know they are in good hands and we try to do our best to think positively, but somewhere in the recesses of my mind, covered under all the hope, is a crack of fear that something could go wrong and for me, this causes an unearthing of all that I feel about my relationship with this person.

The last few days uncovered a surprising amount of emotions for me and most of them are very private, but one that really caught me off guard was how much I still need to have a father active in my life. I am a grown woman of 45, raised 2 responsible children, owned houses, had careers and have been successful with a very loving relationship with my husband. But, this situation brought out very childlike feelings for him.

And I realized that....I still 'need' my dad. I need his love...yes, that is obvious, but there was more. I need his wise lectures and opinions about decisions I am making. I need his sense of humor that is so much like my own, kind of dorky and old fashioned. I need his touch, the way he hugs me and puts my face inside his big hands, so that he can look straight into my eyes to say, "Know Darlene....that I really love you." He's been doing this lately and it's very intense. I need the memories that we share, the years before my sisters, our East Coast memories that he is always so surprised that I remember. But, most of all, I need what he embodies, what he represents, the cornerstone of this family, my family and we all love the way he has softened over the years and doesn't hesitate to show and tell us of his love. I realized that we....that 'I' am the love of his life, yes, along side of my mother and sisters, but that when my dad thinks about what is most important to him, what he treasures most in this world...I am one of those things.

And that leaves me speechless.