Sunday, September 24, 2006

This Man

This man is my Father, my daddy, and I am very proud of the fact that he served our country as a Marine, as one of the 'few and proud.' Thank you, to all of you who said prayers and sent good vibes for his recent surgery. The results were good and he is recovering with my mom as his attentive nurse.

But, I need to say more about him because when someone you love goes into surgery, there is always those moments of reflecting internally, as we are not privy to how things are going to turn out. Of course, we know they are in good hands and we try to do our best to think positively, but somewhere in the recesses of my mind, covered under all the hope, is a crack of fear that something could go wrong and for me, this causes an unearthing of all that I feel about my relationship with this person.

The last few days uncovered a surprising amount of emotions for me and most of them are very private, but one that really caught me off guard was how much I still need to have a father active in my life. I am a grown woman of 45, raised 2 responsible children, owned houses, had careers and have been successful with a very loving relationship with my husband. But, this situation brought out very childlike feelings for him.

And I realized that....I still 'need' my dad. I need his love...yes, that is obvious, but there was more. I need his wise lectures and opinions about decisions I am making. I need his sense of humor that is so much like my own, kind of dorky and old fashioned. I need his touch, the way he hugs me and puts my face inside his big hands, so that he can look straight into my eyes to say, "Know Darlene....that I really love you." He's been doing this lately and it's very intense. I need the memories that we share, the years before my sisters, our East Coast memories that he is always so surprised that I remember. But, most of all, I need what he embodies, what he represents, the cornerstone of this family, my family and we all love the way he has softened over the years and doesn't hesitate to show and tell us of his love. I realized that we....that 'I' am the love of his life, yes, along side of my mother and sisters, but that when my dad thinks about what is most important to him, what he treasures most in this world...I am one of those things.

And that leaves me speechless.


Blogger The Misfit said...


2:01 PM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

Isn't it SWEET how a father's eyes light up when they seeeeee YOU???!! We are lucky Darlene! Love and prayers sweets, XO (Now, I want to post my dad's Navy pic! but my mom probably will Nix that idea!, she loves her certain pics and guards them like an old bulldog! LOL) RUFF RUFF!More sweet vibes coming your way right NOW! PS>We can go thru this second childhood together can't we D???

2:30 PM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...


we are very blessed. this made me want to snuggleupagainst him really tight.

love you sis.

3:37 PM  
Anonymous Teresa said...

Wow. I imagine my daddy doing those things with me. I lost him when I was 5, but everyone tells me we were very close and I was always with him.

I just respect and admire your relationship with your daddy. You are very lucky indeed. You always need a daddy's love no matter how old you are.

Much love Darlene,

ps-I am most thrilled that he is doing great after his surgery!

4:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So true Dar. So true. I am thinking of you and him. Sending healing energies...
I am hoping his recovery is full and total.
Loving you...MUCH.

5:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a great post. i hope all is well with your Dad.
mine still awaits surgery. i keep a black and white snap shot of him in my head all the time. though we were not close (that i recall), these recent years have brought us closer. sending you warm hugs across the miles.

4:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so glad your father is recovering, and the waiting is over. sometimes that is the hardest part. so wonderful for you have rediscovered the treasure that your father is to you! we all need our daddys...sometimes we just forget.

5:09 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

hey there girl,
we will always need our dads.
good ones, bad ones, troublesome ones, distant ones... they're still our dads.

your post today was bittersweet.
i've had an emotional vacuous(sp?) relationship with my dad all my life. won't get into details, but he's getting older now and i'm seeing his rapid decline into REAL old age that is bringing some fairly serious issues.

i can only there for him so much. he's a stubborn SOB who won't stop doing things physically he.. jes'... can't do anymore, etc. In Late October, he'll be going under for some massively serious & nasty shoulder & rotator cuff surgery that he's put off for over 2 years. (aaargh!) it's only gotten worse, and at the threat of beatings from all of us has he finally agreed to go through with it.

he's annoying, he's frustating, he tells the same damned stories EVERY get together, but damnit... he's my dad.

i love him.

the thoughts/feelings/emotions you and Boho (and any other sibs i dont know about?!) is a wonderful thing to experience...

embrace it. share it. most important, continue to express it.

you're beautiful.


10:40 AM  
Blogger bb said...

Thinking of you sweet Darlene.

Beautiful post

Here when you need me :-)

x x x

12:43 PM  
Blogger Laini said...

What a beautiful post, Darlene -- I'm glad to hear your dad's doing well. He sounds wonderful and I wish him the best of health! (also, those baby pictures of you below are SO CUTE!)

9:25 AM  
Blogger Shaz said...

How Handsome he looks dar,Again a likeness of two lives shock me.
I have a photo of my grandfather who was in the australian marines.
He died in World War two devaststing my mum. I love a man in uniform though,
Always Handsome
Always Proud
Shaz xoxo

4:13 PM  

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