Understanding

Sometimes we question things that happen in our lives. We all do it. Some of them are about really big things, when the order of life throws you a fast unexpected curve ball and you have to do some deep emotional or spiritual seeking to regain lost peace over a sudden change.


Other times the things we question are just small things. Things that are only important to you and no one else. Maybe it's the timing, or the getting or not getting of something. Sometimes it happened today instead of tomorrow and ruined your day.

Yesterday I had one of those days. It was my wedding Anniversary and we had a fabulous dinner out and we were radiant with the sharing and reminiscing of our love and memories. Back at home, by 9 p.m. my husband was calling 911 because of a severe quick onset of a Lupus flare that caused me to loose consciousness. A lovely evening that ended with an ambulance ride to the hospital, my husband fearful that he was loosing me, being kept up for over 24 hours with tests and waiting and then being sent home pumped up with the safest limit of morphine only to still be in bone breaking pain. This is all much harder on my husband and children than it is me. I am used to the pain, they will never get used to 'seeing' the pain.

I ask not to be pitied, because I have made peace with my big questions. But you can feel temporary frustration along with me, because my small questions often still get asked and go unanswered. In bed for the next couple of days, I will take the time to make peace with the small as well as the big. I thank you for the love ahead of time, my friends and angels :)