Saturday, August 19, 2006


When Life isn't going the way one expected it should, hiding is a natural response for most people. Turning inward, isolating and protecting the raw emotions that might receive too much exposure. At one time or another, none of us hid and we were innocently open, needing to be nurtured and soothed, but instead we were scolded, or humiliated, violated and abused. These became our teachers for how we would deal with life for the rest of our existence.

Think about that?

We have been to school with teachers named ~ HUMILIATION ~ VIOLATE ~ ABUSE

What could we possibly learn from them? But, learn we did and in the process of their teachings we acquired the art of concealing, because this is a good skill, keeps you safe and worry free from further inflictions. Is that true? Believe it or not, that's what we actually think is truth.

Here's the dichotomy:

Many of us grow up to be parents and when our children hide something important, something they learned from Humiliation, Violate, or Abuse, we feel outraged. We don't take it lightly, we burst into action and concentrate all of our efforts to nuture, protect and vindicate them. We implement justice on their behalf and gird ourselves with armor as their guardians.

So what happens to us, the adults, when those teachers re-enter our lives and decide we need a lesson or two?

We become experts at handling this when it comes to our children, but why do we insulate ourselves when we are the students? When were we informed that hiding is the best form of action for pain, disappointment and abuse?

For me, I somehow made a point to put myself at the end of the line when shit happens. I also decided at sometime in my life, that my lessons would be a burden to others, if shared.

My point is...hiding is not healthy. It may feel like the right thing to do, but it's not. When we become the students, we also need guardians, warriors and nuturing. We don't ever outgrow the need to have others involved in our learning. We need each other and this entire process has a name and unfortunately, hiding has given it a bad reputation. Concealing important events has diminished it's effect and original impact, the word is

Trust...and that's what children and adults alike, also learned from life's teachers, how not to trust others. Therefore, including people now becomes an effort and an act of bravery on our part. And that is a choice we have to make with no guarantees attached. It is a hard choice, but a healthy one.

Choose to trust. Think about the teachers names and become a rebel against their philosophies...

Choose trust


Blogger Bek said...

Dar... you are SO RIGHT.
Without trust we have nothing. I love trust. I trust that those in my life love me... and are good people.
Mostly... we need to trust ourselves and our instincts.
Love your insight sista.
BTW... as you can well see. I am BACK {and missed you too}

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Teresa said...

I read this post and set and pondered it for awhile before I wrote a comment.

This my dear, is undoubtedly the most absolute truth. When these three things happen to you and not necessarily all at the same time--we forget to trust and you are so right hiding is the worst possible thing you can do.

I have hidden from things that the teachers taught me and I most definitely destructed myself in the process.

You are so right though, when it comes to your children---you do burst into action. So my pondering is why do I not burst into action when it is about me? trust...etc..

Thanks for this post, you are awesome girl!!

11:23 AM  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

bek & teresa ~ I needed to hear your affirming words...I was scared to post this, but did it for me...I have issues with Trust.

The word actually makes me shudder, but gazing in the mirror with Liz...the subject keeps coming up.

I expect trust to materialize in my heart, but no...the truth is a choice.

A very hard one.

11:39 AM  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:40 AM  
Blogger Bek said...

I have been burnt very badly by trusting the one person I should never have. My Mother. SUCH a HARD lesson because it is unquestionable that you trust your Ma.
Tis however my journey...

Does not stop me from trusting tho... the family I choose, my community - are very trustworthy.
And when I listen to my "Soul Whispers" (I know its daggy... but it is true!!)... then I know I can trust my instincts.
And everything is good.
I love you Dar.

6:13 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

It's funny how we're never taught how to deal with pain. That's so tragic, I know it, but I find myself repeating what I've learned as well. Hide it and just buck up because no one really cares. And that's partly true, too, because we've become such a self-absorbed society.

I need to think about this for a while longer.


11:30 PM  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

Phew! My computer has been a bad, bad boy! I don't know what happened but my service was out but Damon's home now and put us all back online just NOW!
Trust>>>>hmmmmmmm We have to HAVE it! or we wouldn't be able to go on! I've been a hider and it is unhealthy!!! Thanks Darlene for the reminder! xo

11:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you for trusting us with your inner most with this post :)

trust is a complicated virtue to uphold. there is a lot of grey area, and it has the ability to render you powerless in it's grasp. you're so right that hiding sometimes is the path of least resistance. but here, we are all warriors for you!

12:56 PM  
Blogger Alexandra G said...

You are so, so, SO very right. A trust in life, in others, in ourselves should be something that just forever unfurls and is safe, the most natural of progressions, but it is so hard when your trust has been violated, even once, and we do so often nurture the trust in those we love than in our relationships with ourselves. And hiding makes me feel sometimes like I have something I need to hide, when really it comes out of fear and self-judgments usually. I'm so glad too that you posted this. We seem to need to be reminded regularly that trust is our birthright.

12:16 AM  
Blogger bb said...

this is a powerful post darlene, it seems like you are just touching on the themes and you have so much more to say. and i'll be here to listen!

and i love that 'lurking' pic of you - great to see you experimenting with your self portraits x x x

(sorry i've been away for a little while - there just doesn't seem to have been much blogging time recently - missed you :-))

12:31 PM  
Blogger Vesper said...

love the picture and the post. love your new hair! it draws attention to your beautiful eyes!

10:16 PM  

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